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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What's this man all about?

5 replies

ValerieVomit · 21/11/2023 12:56

A man that I knew when we were in our early 20s got in touch on social media. (Now binned off). This is coming up for 20 years back now. He was a flake and from reading mumsnet I see lots of examples of him, you know the sort, flirting but no commitment, flirting with others in front of you, so I felt he was too good for me.

Lots of nice normal chat then turning to sex talk, quite filthy, asking for photos too. Also found out he's married and works away a lot. He's sent a video, you can guess what sort, to another ex. She still talks to him and his mother!

My question is he's inherited his father's company, who died, and it looks to be doing very very well indeed. I've been nosey and looked it up, the website, companies house, and he has a business facebook with lots of comments on from what look like family friends about what a success he's made of it. The house he lives in is like something from the celeb mags. So then, how does his wife put up with it, or what was he thinking of when he married her, did he intend to be a proper husband and settle down (she was pregnant), or just have an anchor so he could piss about with impunity do you think.

OP posts:
Hbosh · 21/11/2023 14:04

Why do you care what the wife of a guy you knew 20 years ago is thinking or feeling?
Why cares why he is the way he is? What's it to you?
Let him mind his own business, and you should too.

Pinkbonbon · 21/11/2023 14:06

My guess would be that once she got pregnant and wouldn't abort, he had to marry her to save face or all his friends would have judged him to be exactly the sort of person his exs always said he was, a flake.

It's all about their image to the outside world for these sort. They treat their partners like shit of course. Always narcissistically triangulating them with other women (if its something they also did with exs). She'll be miserable. But hey, hopefully she has access to some of his dosh at least. Unless he's also financially abusive. As his sort often are.

Alternatively he married her as he felt her insecure and passive or gullible enough to continue putting up with his head-fucking for years to come. Maybe you were not.

Or maybe his daddy stipulated if he didn't, he'd be getting sod all money from the family funds? Who knows.

Either way, don't be jealous of her. She's living in the hell you escaped. A gilded cage yes, but a cage all the same.

MaliciaKeys · 21/11/2023 14:10

His wife may be perfectly happy, married to a wealthy man with a lovely house and plenty of money, and doesn't give a toss about his philandering.

Why do you care?

Personally I'd rather be less well off and have a loyal and committed partner but we're not all the same.

ValerieVomit · 22/11/2023 13:50

I don't CARE as such, I just wonder if leopards change their spots.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 22/11/2023 14:25

Clearly this one hasn't

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