Drama in dating

[Rollup2024]

Idle musing...on dating websites men often put 'no drama', 'hate drama' etc. What is this drama of which they speak? Does anyone know?

I tend to avoid those as I imagine drama attracts drama. But what is it?

It’s arsehole speak for “no healthy boundaries”

I agree it's arsehole speak. My last partner was all about the no-drama but without a healthy dose, he was unable function so would create drama himself.

It means they want a woman who doesn’t call them out on their shitty misogynistic behaviour.

Avoid like the plague

What they mean is they don’t want you objecting to their nonsense.

Generally "no drama" is dating man speak for no voicing any concerns, no enforcing boundaries and definitely no questioning their dodgy behavior.
Best avoided.

What this means is, you can have no visible reaction to my hurting you.

I dated a man nearly 10 years ago who had this on his profile and he was basically dating a few people at once but ignoring all of the normal boundaries between a friend and a boyfriend.
It took me about two years to heal from how badly he eroded my sense of my self.

I think it means "I'm a massive bell end who will treat you like crap and then pretend to wonder why you're upset".

Oh god and thank you, these are very sensible replies. I see it so much I was starting to think is this normal.

Guys basically mean they want an easy life when they say this, but I honestly think it's 50:50.

I agree with the assessments above though. Bad men will use it to mean they don't want any opposition or anyone with high emotions etc..

But pseudo-nice men who have been hurt may say it too, and it will simply mean as I said... they just want an easygoing woman.

I'm trying to think of examples on MN recently... girls who look through your phone every five minutes due to past-relationship insecurities... that sort of thing, I.e. things that are not the guy's fault but could be causing arguments or stress every day.

I can't imagine anyone would match a someone that says 'no drama, it's so negative and off putting, on the other hand, it's a heads up to avoid in the first place, I always think they are likely to be the cause of it.

Agree with PP. If someone has that much drama in their lives, they're usually at the centre of it.

It could mean anything really - but I read it as a man who's not prepared to deal with anything at all and probably isn't very supportive.

I bypass any profiles with this on (as well as those with 'I don't take life too seriously')!

Yep, those guys want the sex but none of the work!

It means they are the common denominator in all the drama in their lives

This is a fair point though. I can’t believe some of what you read on here, that people believe these behaviours can be acceptable in a relationship. The real challenge is how to work out which type of ‘drama’ a guy is referring to when he says he wants to avoid!!

It can also mean he will be intolerant of difference, for example if you are from a big Irish Catholic family with Christmas traditions and he is from a tiny family of London atheists he might consider your attempt to have your normal holidays 'drama'. Similarly if you experience racism and he is privileged not to, he would make that your 'drama'. Or if you like to book ahead and he is spontaneous, he might gaslight you that planning is a form of 'drama', not couple talk.

Absolutely. I dated I guy who accused me of causing drama.
Funny now I’ve got a really chilled laid back life and every relationship he’s had since is a soap opera of drama, arguments, public screaming matches etc - so wonder who the common denominator is?