Long story short, my partner and I are on the verge of finally separating, we have 2 kids, sadly there is no love left in our relationship and we are now just more like friends, it's been a painful decision for us but I feel it will be the best for our family. Due to finances and who owns more of the house, he is buying me out and I am moving into a larger rented property, I'm ok with this as I feel it will be a fresh start for me.
Anwyay one of the bug bears we've had in our relationship is a female friend of mine, she is a good person and I feel I connected with her more than any other female friend I have as an adult, but she has her issues (as do I), sometimes drinks too much and is a bit of a partier but as a person who suffers with complex MH issues, rather than judge people like this I tend to sympathise more and try and be a bit of a fixer, this is something I'm learning to work on with age
Our friendship has had its up and downs due to clashes on parenting styles etc etc all fairly normal when you are a close friend but we have still sustained our closeness.
Anyway I am reflecting now on our split, my partner has never liked me hanging out with her, even if we are just having playdates with our kids, he'll always be texting me to ask when I'm coming home, don't let the kids be home late etc etc. he is v rigid with rules and this is one of the things that has worn me down as he doesn't let me make my own judgement calls.
Recently since we've separated I have been out a few times with this friend and other friends and had a bit of a blow out, my life has been imploding before my eyes so I have been not particularly in a good place mentally. But my partner has been berating me saying how I've been on benders and how my problems will follow me when I move. The funny thing is, he goes out much more than I do and always has done and I never bat an eyelid when he does.
This past weekend I stayed at my friends, unplanned, and we just sat in her kitchen chewing the cud and drinking wine and I crashed out in her bed. This then resulted in a flurry of calls texts, saying how I made my children so anxious as I didn't come home etc etc in my eyes this was a total overreaction.
Is this normal behaviour in a relationship? Maybe I am out of order here but I've always thought about this is due to infideltity on my part early on in our relationship and that he hasn't ever fully trusted me and this has resulted in this kind of subtle (or not so) controlling behaviour over the years which has ended up suffocating me.