Boyfriend demands we have sex every 3 days

[WilyOdysseus]

This is a long, on-going, in-depth one but I will start with the most important information; My boyfriend and I have been together 12 whole years (we started dating when we were 16). The past year or so we have had huge problems in regards to how much he wants to have sex. He says he “needs” to have sex at least every 3 days (or twice a week) in order for him to not be angry or resentful of me. The pressure and quota he has put on this has made me want to have sex way less, as he is usually pestering me, angry with me, or being passive aggressive with me if we have gone longer than 3-5 days. Still, we usually have sex at least once a week.

We have ALWAYS had sex once a week, sometimes two, and occasionally 3 times a week. This has been the norm for our whole entire relationship. I would say the average is every 5-7 days for us. The lowest is once every 10 days because of illness or if I am on my period or whatever. At first he would just sulk when I said no, then he would become angry or ignore me. Several times he would ruin whole entire dates or days we had alone together if his early suggestion of sex was not met with me emphatically saying “YES!” At the early suggestion.

Another fact, he doesn’t live with me by his own choice. He lives with his mom (we are 29 now) I have begged him for years to move in with me, or make some sort of commitment to our relationship for over a decade now and he has never made any attempt at moving out of his moms house. So now, after a year of this ongoing conversation of him being pissy when we dont have sex every 3 days, he has started to say to me things such as “The reason I never moved in with you is because we aren’t having sex as much as I want to, i just never told you that was the reason, or that that was never enough for me” then implies he wont forward our relationship if he cant be sure we will have sex as much as he wants to. He is absolutely sure that he cant function normally if we only have sex every 5-7 days and always mentions that “a lot of people have sex every other day, why is it such a big deal to you to just have sex with me every 3 days” He also says that he cant live with me if he doesn’t have sex often because being around me just makes him tooooo damn horny, and that he would rather never have sex with me than have sex with me once a week because that one times “makes my body think i will get it everyday”…. Ehh….. idk its even more confusing than that but I will at least start with that.

Im having a hard time conveying to him that his actions are hurting me and make me feel like a sex doll. Even more, make me not want to be around him because I know I will be constantly pestered or guilt tripped. I have put SO much of my life on the line to be in a relationship with him, but I have no idea how to get him to see how hurtful he is being. I also dont know if its normal for me to just have sex with him when i dont want to just in the hopes that he will want to move in and actually be in a real functioning relationship with me. Or he is just a loss and I should try to move on from the 10 years of effort I’ve put into him.

He may also be living with his mum so that he can have other gfs. If so, watch out for him saying that he HAD to meet other women because of you, as it is a load of bollocks.

It sounds like this relationship has run it's course and it's time to move on an find someone who can commit and treat you with the respect you deserve.

Finish it. That is not a good relationship. He is not right for you.

So they are incompatible and he knows it, so why is he hanging about? Because he’s can’t get it anywhere else, his mammy probably doesn’t allow females to stay over.
Why should she put out for a sulky man child who has nothing but contempt for her desires? Nobody is entitled to demand sex, nobody should be expected to have sex if they don’t want. That’s not how real relationships work.

DUMP.

OP, I have been on pelvic rest for the last 7 months due to bleeding/pregnancy issues. That means my DH hasn’t had sex for 7 months. After my first DC was born we went nearly 10 months without sex due to me recovering from injuries.

Not ONCE has my husband said anything other than he doesn’t want to put my health at risk and it’s not worth the risk. Never ever. Can you imagine if I had married someone like your absolute twat of a boyfriend? How angry he would be and resentful? Your boyfriend isn’t normal and this is NOT someone you want to be with long term.

This sort of behaviour is objectionable if common in teenagers. Dump the boy, find yourself a man.

This whining, snivelling mummy's boy is wasting your time. I'll bet he'd also say he wants kids then change his mind when you're 38 (if he's moved out of his mum's house by then).

Seriously. A whole world awaits you. He's the human equivalent of a sausage roll.

Let me explain a little further. He has, in the entirety of our relationship, received a massive amount of affection from me. In a lot of different ways. Physical, verbal, acts of service, etc etc etc. I am fully and totally very very affectionate with him anytime he leaves his moms house to hang out with me. Again, we have always always always had sex 1-2 times per week, sometimes more, our whole entire relationship and he has never mentioned or acted as though it was a problem to him. In fact, we had very very good sex that whole entire time. This problem originally started when I got Ovarian cancer, and due to illness, depression, medication, etc. for an amount of time couldnt or didn’t want to have sex twice a week. This is when he started getting pissy and angry every time I said no. Still, we have kept having sex 1-2 times per week, with an occasional exception due to either of us being sick. Additionally, my main problem is he brings this up now as a defense when I try to explain the hurt I have felt from him not committing to our relationship in the 12 years we have been together, and he uses it as a defense of “well I haven’t committed because you were never fucking me enough, even though I never told you that.” My problem is not that Im against having more sex, that’s fine, its that he has set a quota, if something happens to where the quota is missed, he throws a tantrum and basically says “see? This is why I have never moved in with you”

He’s treating you like you have no say in the matter… like he thinks you are there for his use….what about what you want? That doesn’t matter to him does it…

I would find someone better and thank your lucky stars he didn’t move in with you.

He definitely is. His writing style reminds me of “Babyonboard90,” who was banned because he’d constantly show up on threads about sex and berate women for not giving in to men’s every whim.

Similarly transparent username too, very much “what a man thinks a woman would choose for a name on a forum.” 😂

I can't believe that you have wasted 12 of the best years of your life with this total arsehole. There's no future with this self-obsessed mommy's boy. Get out now before you waste another minute. You deserve far, far better.

I have put SO much of my life on the line to be in a relationship with him,

Why? Your post makes him sound abusive. How does he make your life better? What is it about him that makes putting your life on the line for him? Do you think your life at the moment is better than most women’s? Do you think this is a good way to lead the only life you’ll ever have?

12 years? Why?
What an arrogant prick. Please get out of this awful relationship and find someone who understands your wants and needs.
I suspect you haven't had a 'normal' relationship with another man before him. This isn't love and it isn't normal. Please leave.

You do NOT have a relationship with tjis arsehole. You are little more than a free and easy fuck.

Tell him to fuck off and go find yourself a decent man.

One you've dumped him you'll be in a position to meet someone who genuinely cares about you. Good luck!

Such a long OP and such a short answer. He is horrible and you can do better.

Let me add since part of it might have been missed. I do love him very much, and generally speaking I am incredibly affectionate with him. My problem isn’t that Im against having more sex, my problem is that he has set a quota and if the quota is missed due to illness etc he starts fights and demands we have more sex.

This problem started when I had ovarian cancer and my libido dropped both during illness and once I was in remission because of depression and medication.

Now its because he is pestering me constantly since then and it makes me want to have sex less. He also cant seem to understand why I dont want to take a booty call at his moms house.

Perhaps you should tell him, it’s a massive turn off being with a guy who at 29 still lives with his mummy…

You are literally wasting your life on a guy who doesn’t even like you and doesn’t even hide it.

I can guarantee that as soon as he finds someone better, he’ll be gone and not give you a second thought.

Do better for yourself OP as this is only going to get worse.

My vag would close up permanently.

Please don't waste any more of your life with this pig. Don't ever have sex with him again - it will be such a massive relief! I don't know how you can bring yourself to with his attitude.

Plus he's wasting your young life by refusing to commit. Roll on a few years stuck in this limbo land and he won't want to commit to children either, if you want them.

Get out and find a man who deserves you.

This is appalling. He is a waste of space. THIS IS NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE.
You deserve a good relationship. You deserve love and respect. You do not have to put up with this.
Seriously!
He gets angry?
What are you a deposit for his cock?
This is BS.
Tell him to F**K off.
You're so damaged by and controlled by his behaviour you can't see it.
We can and trust us all when we say - DUMP HIM.

Unbelievable. He gets all his own way at his Mums and all his own way with you. I mean really do people honestly let their quota' of sex dictate whether they choose to live with someone. Come on OP, look at how he's treated you during you having Ovarian Cancer. He is no catch.In fact he sounds a right twat !

Let me explain a little further. He has, in the entirety of our relationship, received a massive amount of affection from me. In a lot of different ways. Physical, verbal, acts of service, etc etc etc. I am fully and totally very very affectionate with him anytime he leaves his moms house to hang out with me. Again, we have always always always had sex 1-2 times per week, sometimes more, our whole entire relationship and he has never mentioned or acted as though it was a problem to him. In fact, we had very very good sex that whole entire time.

This problem originally started when I got Ovarian cancer, and due to illness, depression, medication, etc. for an amount of time couldnt or didn’t want to have sex twice a week. This is when he started getting pissy and angry every time I said no. Still, we have kept having sex 1-2 times per week, with an occasional exception due to either of us being sick. Additionally, my main problem is he brings this up now as a defense when I try to explain the hurt I have felt from him not committing to our relationship in the 12 years we have been together, and he uses it as a defense of “well I haven’t committed because you were never fucking me enough, even though I never told you that.” My problem is not that Im against having more sex, that’s fine, its that he has set a quota, if something happens to where the quota is missed, he throws a tantrum and basically says “see? This is why I have never moved in with you”

to clarify, I am genuinely looking for a way I can talk to him or find a solution, because so far he isn’t understand that my problem is that he has set a quota I must stand by, and not that Im not open to having more sex. I am, he just seems to not be interested in committing to our relationship.

How are you not disgusted by him? Why are you still trying to persue this 'relationship'.

Stop. Get over the sink cost fallacy you're working on, yes you've wasted ten years but he isn't going to move in with you, love you, stop treating you like a sex doll, learn any respect for you, etc. You're onlywasting more of your life every moment you think about him.

He's a 29 year old who lives with his mum. Can't handle an adult relationship, is sexually coercive and probably addicted to porn. He is literally the bottom of the barrel and he's somehow tricked you into thinking he's worth hanging around for. He didn't even consider you when you had cancer girl. He doesn't give a fuck about you and he never has, not for a moment. Dump this total waste of space and enjoy life.

You had OVARIAN CANCER and this prick wants to force you into sex three times a week otherwise he sulks. I just….what do you see in him OP? No matter how much you love someone this behaviour is so disgusting and I think deep down you know it.

What are the good bits about this relationship?