I couldn't believe he said this to me at the end...

[WalesScot12]

"I always knew you were more into me than I was into you", after many years together, when he turned stone cold and told me he'd only "cared about" me, nothing stronger.

He's my ex now, but those words occasionally come into my head. He had a high opinion of himself and often belittled me in the form of 'banter', but I was extremely hurt as I never realised at the time that I was more into him, was I naive to not realise this?

You're not naive. He was just a good manipulator. Hope you're okay x

I think he probably never realised he was a bit of a dick and you were a nice normal genuine person.

This says so much more about him than you. Forgive him, not for him, but for yourself to be able to move past this. This man never deserved you obviously somehow managed to be so manipulative & then belittled you, made you feel small. What a sad man.

The "banter" as you call it isn't banter. It's mean and gets to you over time.
Trust me, I know 🥺

Don’t give it another thought. What he said is meaningless.

What a dick.

When I ended it with an ex because of his controlling ways, his first words were “what? After all the money I’ve spent on you over the years?” He even had a figure ready. 😮He was more annoyed that he was going to have to find another place to live.

For the record, I paid the rent, bills, furnishings and shopping in our relationship as I was the one with the steady income!

Sounds like a narc. You're lucky to have escaped...

He sounds self absorbed. Some men should be in quarantine and not allowed near normally functioning people.

Don’t tie yourself up trying to work this out. He said it to hurt you and cause pain and doubt.
He’s an ex for a reason.

@WalesScot12
He's gone , and yet he is living in your head. Chances are that wherever he is, he is not wasting his time reliving conversations that he had with you.

He may have been correct, because you are still hanging on to his words.

Like the 'banter' he said this to make him look big and you look small. That is the dynamic he seeks to create in relationships with women.

Find you contempt for him then move on.

You are not naive. The whole idea of a committed relationship, especially one that’s been going for years is that you ARE into each other.

OP don’t feel bad for giving things a chance, the fact your ex was apparently prepared to settle for less is his problem, not yours! Count yourself lucky he’s history and you can move on and find someone that is worthy of your attention

Tbh it sounds like your well rid.
He's a twat.
Don't give him anymore head space

No, he's not living in my head. I'm working on raising my self-esteem so I don't ignore red flags in the future and don't stay with someone who didn't love me.

Thanks, all, for your helpful replies.

He's probably not got the capacity to feel deeply in a general sense. So he will probably see himself as more important in whatever relationship he has. He's not singled you out. Seeing red flags is half the battle, then doing the necessary is the other half. Just don't put up with any snide comments that are dressed up as banter. Call it out first time, then if it recurs, bin.

A cruel parting shot designed to cause you maximum hurt and make you doubt all the years you had thought were good. It’s probably not even true, but it clearly did the job as you’re dwelling on it. You’re well rid!

He has a stunted heart and sees love as a weakness, something not to be owned up to, a zero-sum game. He was also probably trying to downplay it all to himself, so as to avoid facing up to his feelings. Such a man is to be pitied, as they don't have the relational skills to build a happy life.

So he told you that he could see you were keen on him, and he knew he wasn't keen on you, but he strung you along for years and years? Well, if that's true then I guess it's very honest of him to admit how inconsiderate he was; how happy to trample on the feelings of someone he thought loved him.

But it's not true, is it? He just couldn't stand the idea that he might be seen as the "weak", "desperate" one who liked the other person more. Maybe that's how he was brought up?
(He doesn't know that being able to feel and express love is a strength, not a weakness.)

@WalesScot12
People fall out of love all of the time. There are no guarantees of "everlasting love." Don't miss out on something good looking for the indicators of feelings that won't change. In your life, have your never said "I love you," to someone that you are no longer with? However, you truly thought that you loved them at the time, and probably you did love them at the time.

He was simply an experience that did not work. Don't miss Mr Right trying to analyze Mr. Wrong.

I'd be thanking my lucky stars that I'm now away from such a cold person. Lucky escape, I'd say.