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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being asked to do things

9 replies

MalloryB · 19/11/2023 23:27

I would like advice/ input from the ladies and if their are men. But I have been in my current relationship for 2 years. In these 2 years I have been having to bring up to my boyfriend how it upsets me that he will watch me cook and clean( not literally) or not talking to me a certain way. Both things we still have an issue with. I'm supposed to take what he says no matter what it is not as disrespect bc he love me.I will cook bring him his plate and he will fall asleep and I'm expected to wake him up and tell him to clean.

They're times he cleans the kitchen but more often than not it's me. And not every time is he asleep. He may be on the game or watching tv. We got into an argument because 2 days after me saying I shouldn't have to ask for simple things he feel asleep last night and again I'm doing the dishes.

People fall asleep I get up but that's has been the response for a while. And I'm not ok with it be majority of the time I tired but I still get up to make sure things are done. This is not just about the kitchen. Since being in a relationship with him I've changed a tire while he stayed home, I've put oil in my car after asking him to for a month etc.

I don't feel like I should have to remind him of these things. But i like being upset and walking around mad all day bc I didn't take that extra step. I love my boyfriend but I feel as though he wants me to be like his mom. Your mom can remind you of things but me? I don't get it anything he needs rather he says it or not im there trying to make things easier for him. But I have to remind him of the things he may forget.

With all the things I do throughout the day I now have to add that to the list. I don't ask him for much so I would just like for those things to be done. So now after talking like always I feel stupid because all I had to do was ask. When I still don't feel like I have to. All week he has been here and not lift a finger I'm tired and I shouldn't have to say that.

OP posts:
MalloryB · 19/11/2023 23:32

I feel like I give more in this relationship than him. I want my man to be my man and not have to be reminded of small things. I want to be soft I wanna be able to sit around and be lazy but I can not afford to be.

Trying to explain these things to him are so hard be he takes one part or everything I said and has an issue with it. After reconciling I said I will take that extra step and remind you even though I shouldn't have to. "Yea I know you shouldn't have to but you could've went without saying that part". I sometimes think things would go smoother if I shut up but that's not me.

OP posts:
MalloryB · 19/11/2023 23:36

MalloryB · 19/11/2023 23:32

I feel like I give more in this relationship than him. I want my man to be my man and not have to be reminded of small things. I want to be soft I wanna be able to sit around and be lazy but I can not afford to be.

Trying to explain these things to him are so hard be he takes one part or everything I said and has an issue with it. After reconciling I said I will take that extra step and remind you even though I shouldn't have to. "Yea I know you shouldn't have to but you could've went without saying that part". I sometimes think things would go smoother if I shut up but that's not me.

I've said to him there's no romance we don't do anything... I like flowers I don't get those things but I'm sup to remind him to do the dishes. He give me the bare minimum and when I say it i"it's another way I could've said that"

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 19/11/2023 23:37

Hes a lazy shit.
He falls asleep, or feigns falling asleep so he doesnt have to help, oldest trick in book. Tbh if the excuse was that hes tired and falls asleep, why doesn't he help with other stuff when he's not asleep or sitting? Because hes a lazy shit.
He wants mummying. Get rid... you'll be doing on your own all this relationship

Charlingspont · 19/11/2023 23:39

Oh, the usual "It's not what you say, it's how you say it", designed to make you think before asking again, and then he'll say the same thing of course, until you're so unsure of yourself you give up asking. OP, you're too good for this person.

billy1966 · 19/11/2023 23:42

He's not looking for a partner he wants a mother skivvy who will have sex with him.

ICK.

How you find him sexually attractive is beyond me.

Unfortunately if you hav standards and expect to be treated poorly that is exactly what you will get.

This is not a man to inflict on a child.

Cut your losses and dump.
He will not change.
Don't be one of those foolish women who think they can fixe a lazy loser.
You won't.
They get worse, make shit fathers and you will bitterly regret your tolerating such a waster.

You can do so much better....it wouldn't be hard not to!

Tistheseasontobejollytrala · 20/11/2023 00:23

He is not the kind of boyfriend that is a keeper.

You tried him out, he failed, he is not a good boyfriend.

GrumpyPanda · 20/11/2023 00:31

Sounds like a shit show. Way too much hard work to train this one, sorry OP. Have a look at some of the threads by women 10 years married and with three kids and their partner's still behaving this way. If he doesn't pitch in off his own initiative then you wont be getting anywhere.

PaminaMozart · 20/11/2023 00:31

Look he will not change. Not ever.

In fact, it'll only get worse as he gets more and more comfortable and entitled.

If you are hoping to have children, this is not the man for you. You'd be doing absolutely everything. You'd go part-time or become a SAHM and your career will go to pots.

The relationship won't go the distance because at some point you'll cut your losses and leave. At which point you'll find that you'll probably be poor for the rest of your life.

So, why not do what you need to do now...

OhcantthInkofaname · 20/11/2023 01:36

Quit cooking for him. You are not his mom.

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