Not sure if I should just break it off.

[Cabinsarebins]

I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, bf and I have been together for 2 years.
Both busy with kids although they are all teenagers with other parents, both work full time including some weekend work.
We only really see the each other at the weekend which is fine we have a nice time.
Feel like I’ve already answered my own question to be honest but I’ll carry on.
Recently it feels like we talk less and I said I’d like it if we could spend more time together and plan more things together and was just generally feeling a bit neglected and like I need a little bit more from the relationship.
For some more context I have been having a bit of a hard time at home with one of the kids being a general pain teenager stuff and just other niggles going on, just not feeling great, trying to lose weight and just feeling a little down and not very supported in general, I don’t expect support for kids stuff from him, I mean my family not much help and kids dad mostly useless.
Other context our kids are all similar ages and get on so we could do stuff with them all together but hardly ever do.
I really wanted him to reassure me that things would improve and maybe make some nice plans even just a special breakfast at home to cheer me up and show a bit of love and care.
Hes not done that.
He loves me and I should just know that. Defending himself, I’m saying he’s not a good boyfriend. Just because he won’t just do everything I want him to and say yes all the time I’m having a go at him and he’s not done anything wrong sort of things.
Im not saying that at all I’m just asking quite specifically really what I need a little bit more of to make me happier and more secure in the relationship but there’s no budge at all.
No yes we can do that, let’s make the effort to see each other a little bit more or let’s plan to do something nice together.
Ive said this is what I’m asking for, it’s not much, I’m not asking for expensive dates or masses of time just a little bit more time and some forward planning. I’ve said if you can’t give me what I need I will have to walk away, in not so many words, and just tell me if it’s all too much.
So basically an ultimatum which is looking like I’ll have to follow through on as I’ve heard nothing back.
This conversation has been going on all weekend and we’ve not seen each other at all.
Im gutted, I love him but the more I think about it if he sent me a message like that I wouldn’t just dismiss it I’d be trying to get to the bottom of it and trying to make things better.
He says he loves me but I’m not really feeling it much.

Really did not want to have to give an ultimatum as it does feel somewhat manipulative but I’d just got to the end of the conversation explaining myself and what I need and want and what I’m quite clearly asking for only to be met with defensiveness rather than open communication that can solve anything.
I suppose he doesn’t need to solve anything because everything is exactly how he likes it?

He called me saying he does love me and wants to be with me and we can make things better, I arranged to go over to his in the week but he ended up having an appointment at that time so we saw each other this weekend for the first time in two weeks and it’s just not worked out.
We have broken up in a not very nice way and I’m so upset and hurt. He is a good man just lazy I think, but then maybe if he was with the right person he would make the effort?
not sure why I’m posting maybe just need to get my thoughts out and hope someone will tell me I’ve done the right thing.
It hurts.

You're wrapped up in the drama. You're not getting what you want, so you asked him for it, and he said no. That's how much he cares about supporting you to feel good.

Maybe if he was with the right person he would make the more effort? What do you think that says about you?

Yes I know, I do think I was very clear and fair in my communication when I said I feel like we don’t spend enough time together or speak much, I want us to plan things etc.
Instead of saying ok darling I know you’re having a hard time we can work together, like I would have to him, he just went on the defensive.
Ive been very clear what I want and need and two years in I don’t think it’s that much at all.
Well I guess it says im not the right person but he’s also said we (women he’s with) all end up the same nothing is ever good enough.
Implied I should be grateful he dont abuse me, but thats not a baseline for me.
i don’t need to be grateful for the bare minimum.
for context his ex was with someone psychotic and abusive before him so I think she was grateful just not to be battered.
He is a good man just seems like he’s just not got much to give.

I really thought he was my one things were so easy and good in the beginning but they’re just not anymore.
I really do love him so much but sometimes feel like he doesn’t even like me.
Guess I will just have to get over it, I know I’m not perfect but I’ve got a lot to give and sometimes it feels like he just won’t take it.

he’s also said we (women he’s with) all end up the same nothing is ever good enough

Well, maybe he doesn't give enough to anybody, then? Seems like a pattern of disappointment in his exes, and he's blaming them rather than looking at himself. No wonder he's defensive. He's trying to hide the fact that he's a dick.

This sounds like he's the problem here, not you.

I do wonder if he will find anyone willing to accept so little or he will find someone he really loves enough to give more to, can’t see many women accepting weekends only hardly any dates at two years in when our kids are nearly grown now it’s not like they’re small and need minding all the time.
its a shame really because he is a decent honest guy. He could have made me really happy but just wouldn’t give me that tiny bit more or listen to me.
I actually know his ex and she’s got issues for sure and her ex before him was a real bastard by all accounts so I think she probably was grateful to be with someone not physically and sexually abusive, I don’t need to be I’ve never been abused like that, that’s just not a baseline for me ever.
I did say to him don’t compare me to them, (his ex I know and the mum of his kids) there was nothing wrong with me when I met him I was in a really good place and had done a lot of work on myself after being cheated on in my last relationship, I had been single for a long time and really ready to meet the right person which I thought I had with him.
I’m not perfect at all and I’ve probably played my part but I tried to communicate and just got nothing productive back.