I feel broken and controlled

[StarFish46]

I have a controlling ex H who is constantly threatening to take me to court (currently been issued a letter to mediate, again!) he has managed to manipulate eldest DD against me.

We live 200 miles from the DC father and when I moved away 2yrs ago it was agreed he would have the DC on school holidays, obviously Xmas and summer holidays shared. He now wants a weekend or 2 in between. But he doesn’t ask me when is convenient, he just says he would like them on said date and if I don’t cooperate I get threatened with court. He tells
our eldest DC that he is having them then and if I say no I get called all the names under the sun by eldest DC.

This is now starting to course a rift in my relationship with my BF who we live with. He tells me that I need to stand up for myself, say no to ex but my BF also takes it oit
on eldest DC which I hate.

i just feel totally torn and controlled in every direction.

How long were you together when your bf moved in, he shouldn't be taking it out on your DD, does she actually like him living there.

Sounds like the boyfriend is a more pressing issue than your ex.

Did you move your children 200 miles away from their father so you could move in with him?

Of course your ex wants to see his children more often than the holidays. Maybe engage with him and mediation instead of obstructing him and making court seem inevitable.

Your BF takes his frustration out on your DC?????
Yeah, he needs to leave, pronto.

Where’s he going to go? She’s moved herself and her kids in with him.

@AnneLovesGilbert it’s both our place.

If your boyfriend is treating your kids badly, you need to end the relationship.

Always pick your kids over dick.

It sounds like your eldest daughter misses her dad.

It must have been very rough on your kids to have gone through the breakup of their family and then to be moved 200 miles away AND then to have to live with your new partner as well. That is a lot for them to have had to cope with.

Try and be more understanding of your daughter. She’s had a hell of a lot to deal with. She hasn’t had any say in any of this and she maybe feels quite powerless as well as frustrated at you apparently making it harder for her to see her dad more often. I’m sure your ex is a difficult, controlling man as you’ve said. But maintaining your children’s relationship with him is important for them.

And don’t allow your partner to bully your children. Your kids have been through a lot. They’re possibly still adjusting to the family breakup and then moving hundreds of miles away from everything they knew, never mind being forced to live with your new man as well.

Tell your partner that it is completely unacceptable for him to ever take his frustrations out on your kids. They need to know that you’re on their side.