Woman's advice on cheating ex and whats happening since

[bmuk]

Hi. I'm after a bit of advice from a woman point of view
I split up from my ex 10 month ago after I found out she had been cheating on me for roughly 2 and a half years. We were together for 8 and lived together for 3. I moved 160 miles to be with her
Obviously when I found out I was heartbroken snd she was horrible, cold and heartless. Didnt show any emotion at all. I moved back home so now live 160 mile away from her

We haven't had much contact. When we do it's her that msgs me. Maybe once a month or so to see how I'm doing. I usually reply with ok and that's roughly it

Recently I had the usual msg so I replied. This time she started saying how sorry she was and how she never wanted to hurt me etc. More emotion and apologies in that one msg that when I last saw her

2 weeks later I had a msg off her in the middle of the night saying she was drunk. As I had a few myself I replied more than I normally would. She than rang me and told me everything. How she's an idiot, she never wanted to hurt me, I always made an effort, always there for her, she can't tell anyone why she did what she did because she doesn't know as I was lovely to her, that she didn't deserve me, she took me for granted, she saw a life with me. She even wanted to see me...... we've not seen each other since march

She also admitted that she still been seeing the person (who shes known since she was 11 apparently) she cheated on me with but he's horrible to her, lies to her, she can't get away as hell ring and turn up at the house. She doesn't see a life with him, he's bad for her etc but she can't end it as he won't let her...... she read me some of the stuff he says to her and to me it's totally narcissistic and manipulative. I knew her very well snd alot of the stuff she said she would never ever put up with. She also made it obvious hes on drugs which she also hates. I suspect if that's the case she messed up once and he's blackmailed her to carry it on and she did to make life easier for her...... although I don't want to make excuses up as she shouldn't have done what she did anyway

She said alot and cried alot. I do think she fully regrets what has happened.
After this we msged all day every day for a week or so but I started to realise she was back tracking on alot of what she told me on the phone. I told her this and she said she wasn't. I started to feel I was being used

Now I don't want to get back with her, I'll never move down there again and she says she doesn't think it would work but it doesn't mean I don't care about her

Last I heard from her was 10 days ago. And I'm annoyed with myself as I was over her znd had stopped thinking a out her but the past few days I can't get her out of my head and it's doing my head in

I suppose the advice I'm after is this....... is there a reason she would do this? Some sort of secret motive? She didn't seem to care when we were together and split up but I don't get why she would randomly msg out the blue to say she's drunk then ring me for hours to tell me loads..... only for her to back track on stuff she said. I just don't get it. I do think she massively regret it but I can't see why she would tell me all this stuff now. I have a feeling this isn't going to be the end of it though. I'd like to see what happens over the Xmas period

Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for any advice

She was having her cake and eating it ….until the cake moved 160 miles away

You don’t want to go back to her and you may be a lovely, kind person but you need to stop with the messages.

Why does she do it? Answer - because she can. It fills her time, hindsight is a wonderful thing, she is playing with you ( perhaps hoping for some drama who knows)

My advice - don’t answer and leave her to stew. You say you dont want to go back and so don’t.

Thanks for the reply. It's pretty much what mates have said to me

One thing I didn't say was that I bought a house when i was with her. It's in my name and I'm paying the mortgage on it. She's still in the house as I wouldn't make her son homeless. I'm trying to play nice with her so she doesn't kick up a fuss when it sells and she has to move out..... although to be fair she should of been out by now anyway.

That's the reason why I do reply, just to keep the peace while I've still got that house to pay for

It really, really doesn't matter what her reason is.

I think the best course of action now is to stop messaging. I wouldn't block her, as you still have house admin to deal with

And you need to finalise the break by giving her notice for
a) when she starts paying rent, or
b) moves out so you can sell.

You say "her" son - just to confirm, not yours? Did he see you as a father figure, how is he coping, do you still see him? I think it is very generous to have supported them for 10 months after the break up. And now it's time to move forward.

I don't want to her paying anything. She's offered but I've said no incase she can say she's paid towards the mortgage and gets a say on the house..... solicitors advice. She knows she has to move out. She says she's been looking and asked not to sell it before Xmas..... it wouldn't sell before Xmas now anyway but I am going to put it up for auction in the new year. I need it gone, its crippling me financially now

I don't message her unless it's about the house, she msgs me. I do reply but it's usually just 1 or 2 msgs and that's it.

Yeah he's not mine but I was like a father figure to him which made things worse. I pretty much raised him for 8 years. She even told me I was more like a dad to him than his own

I still keep in touch with him. I got him into football so whenever our team plays he always msgs. Or about video games etc. He's done nothing wrong so if he wants to talk I'll always talk to him. I don't see him because of the distance.