Something happened this weekend. On the top of the numerous occasions when H let me down really badly. I always found reasons/excuses for his behaviour. I convinced myself it was me not being good enough. And let’s be honest, what I have just now is safe and secure (A bit more on this).
Whats stopping me now are logistics really.
Im disabled, unlikely to ever be able to work again. Covid made some existing conditions worse plus there might be some LC going on too. The bottom line is that I would struggle a lot on my own, just the cooking and cleaning. I’m not getting a lot from DWP. From the various websites I checked, I’ll have about £1000 to live on.
So the reality is that staying means better healthcare, better support (as in he cooks, not much else but that makes a big difference to my health) and no financial stress. Which might help me get (slowly!) better.
But I’m really struggling to look at him. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget let alone forgive. There is nothing left to save really.
On the other side, I have no idea where to start.