Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lonely

28 replies

izzygirlis4 · 19/11/2023 17:25

I have been single 2 years and thought about time to start dating again.

Whenever I've been single before I've found it really easy and not been single for long. Maybe I've just got fussier which isn't a bad thing.

I'm lonely. I want someone in my life.

I don't want to be desperate or settle.

Omg the men on dating apps are shocking. I haven't even got further to exchanging a few messages.

Don't even know what I want from this thread. I'm just feeling sad today

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 19/11/2023 17:29

How old are you?

cleowasmycat · 19/11/2023 17:30

I feel your pain.

Original poster
izzygirlis4 · 19/11/2023 17:40

47
I'm in good shape, attractive, good job. I'm a catch.
But the men out there are terrible.

OP posts:
CoffeeLover90 · 19/11/2023 17:46

Came here to start a similar thread so please know you're not alone.
Also single 2 years. Have spent that time cleansing myself from the many years I spent with a narcissist.
I'm happy with my own company.
Thing is as a completely single parent, I see no way forward. I've not many friends after spending 15 years isolated from people. I thought about dating apps but they're a nightmare. Even then I have no child care!
I suppose I'll just get used to this for the next 12 years...

occhiazzurri · 19/11/2023 19:41

Sending you lots of sympathy! My friends and I are younger but very much in the same position (five of us) and some of us have been single for a fairly long time. We were just having a conversation about this yesterday - the only thing we can do is try to focus on family, friends and try to find hobbies/passions to enjoy which will hopefully expose us to a wider social circle. Whilst it won’t compensate for the lack of a romantic relationship and it can be a real struggle at times, you have to get out and enjoy life as much as you can.

Pinkbonbon · 20/11/2023 04:12

Gosh aren't they just though!

Even just by employing proper grooming and dressing well in their pictures many would be vastly improved.

But they don't bother.
And many flip off the camera or have scraggy beards.

And don't get me started on their profile wordings xD

Do none of them ask their girl mates or sisters or whatever to vet these things for them? Or worse...are they asking guy mates that are all just as bad at making profiles as them?

I once went through 36 pageonof profiles on plenty of fish and not one of them tickled my fancy. I don't think I'm particularly picky either.

Tinder is the best of the lot tbh. Chalk full of arseholes but hell, If you're going to date an asshole, they might as well be a good looking one imo xD

I had a giggle at a quote the other day 'if you're depressed because you're single, try online dating...you'll still be single but you'll be less depressed about it'

JuJuHeyHey · 20/11/2023 04:31

I'm in the same boat as you, OP, although I've been single longer - 6 years. But for 5 of those I had a very successful FWB situation. Unfortunately he has now moved abroad for his job and although it felt like a natural way for it to end it has left a hole in my life.

I swore I'd never go on dating apps again, but what the heck are we supposed to do? My social circle is not huge, I have a busy job in a workplace that's 90% female, and meeting someone in normal life feels like a pipe dream!

I'm not terribly lonely but I do worry about not having a partner as I grow older. My best friend had an accident recently and her partner has been looking after her, and I can't help but imagine how I'd be getting on without that support.

Psychoticbreak · 20/11/2023 04:44

Not quite in the same boat as just come out of a relationship but similar age to you and do not want to end up alone but the thoughts of putting myself out there again in months or a years time frightens me. I met ex dp on a dating site and thought he was it for me but it turns out I was wrong about that and I put so much time and energy and love into that relationship that it would turn me off even trying again. YOu have my sympathies.

Libelula21 · 20/11/2023 05:04

Reading…

Widowed nearly 4 years ago, with a young child, feel really lonely and crave companionship but not sure I can find the time / energy / hopefulness especially with everything you read about OLD.

47, menopausal and overweight too, which doesn’t help, though feel like I have a lot of love left to give.

Would be happy with emotional intimacy and a sense of closeness.

JuJuHeyHey · 20/11/2023 05:22

Late 40s singles assemble! 👊

BeautyFromBad · 20/11/2023 06:14

49 and single for four years here. We’re quite the gang! I get a bit lonely sometimes, and miss sex, but I’m trying to focus on me and what I actually want from life. I sometimes even succeed (but not always… 😁)

Original poster
izzygirlis4 · 20/11/2023 08:21

I'm glad I'm not alone.
I get sex regularly and not bothered about that but it's someone to hold hands with and share Sunday lunch with. Those are the things I'm missing.

OLD - the ones that put photos up with their kids on, the ones in work gear, the just plain old ugly and fat. I mean there must be something better out there.

I really despair at the state of them.

I have hobbies, I have friends, a job. But none of these things are likely to lead to me meeting anyone.

OP posts:
CoffeeLover90 · 20/11/2023 10:04

JuJuHeyHey · 20/11/2023 05:22

Late 40s singles assemble! 👊

Can early 30s join in please? 🤣

CoffeeLover90 · 20/11/2023 10:10

izzygirlis4 · 20/11/2023 08:21

I'm glad I'm not alone.
I get sex regularly and not bothered about that but it's someone to hold hands with and share Sunday lunch with. Those are the things I'm missing.

OLD - the ones that put photos up with their kids on, the ones in work gear, the just plain old ugly and fat. I mean there must be something better out there.

I really despair at the state of them.

I have hobbies, I have friends, a job. But none of these things are likely to lead to me meeting anyone.

I've got my child to keep me occupied, a full time job, family and friends but it's not the same as having someone there at the end of the day to chat to. I find it incredibly isolating when my friends who all have partners, don't have the time to see me. Its then difficult to join them for nights out or meals due to lack of childcare. I feel like I'm falling behind and it's become more obvious now that we returned to office working and there's the general chat of what they were up to at the weekend etc.
At one point this weekend I did have a little cry, I must admit. I wasted the best years of my life on a man who wasn't worthy enough to even kiss my cheek. Now look at me. I adore my son, I honestly do, but I can't see any thing changing until he's much older. By then I'll be in my 40s and awaiting menopause. This is not what I imagined my life to be.

roarrfeckingroar · 20/11/2023 10:15

Mid 30s too please!

JuJuHeyHey · 20/11/2023 10:47

ALL WELCOME ✊🤗

Original poster
izzygirlis4 · 20/11/2023 11:21

Anyone welcome. It doesn't matter what age you are you can still feel lonely.

I've told my friends how I feel but they are all in relationships and just say things like you'll meet someone one day and you've got us.

I know they mean well and I love them all very much but it gets frustrating

OP posts:
Slartiblartfast · 20/11/2023 11:52

For what it's worth, those of us on the other side of the fence suffer from " well it's obvious you made a big effort for your profile picture" or "no I don't want pay to see your xyz"
Seriously though, it sometimes seems like a huge number of people are suffering from mismatched desire and/or lack of intimacy. Just bear in mind that there is nothing lonelier than a marital bed after desire and intimacy have ebbed away.

Deep down I think everyone craves to desire and be desired but people change

Honestly, I don't think we as a species are really suited for long term monogamy and it is only relatively recently that society thinks we should.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/11/2023 11:57

Op what age men are you looking at?

I am late 30s and just signed up again and was bracing myself for horrors but have found it ok- 1 in 50 ish men seem acceptable. Better than I expected!

Original poster
izzygirlis4 · 20/11/2023 14:43

Well I'm looking for younger guys (35s upwards)

No way I want older than me.
My last 2 were quite a few years older than me and I don't want that again.

OP posts:
BeautyFromBad · 20/11/2023 16:03

izzygirlis4 · 20/11/2023 08:21

I'm glad I'm not alone.
I get sex regularly and not bothered about that but it's someone to hold hands with and share Sunday lunch with. Those are the things I'm missing.

OLD - the ones that put photos up with their kids on, the ones in work gear, the just plain old ugly and fat. I mean there must be something better out there.

I really despair at the state of them.

I have hobbies, I have friends, a job. But none of these things are likely to lead to me meeting anyone.

I’m ugly and fat so perhaps people dismiss me on OLD. I’m also fun, kind and big-hearted. I don’t get many chances to demonstrate this because I don’t get many matches because people judge on appearance. People can be really shallow, unfortunately.

Pinkbonbon · 20/11/2023 16:51

It's not shallow to swerve people you don't fancy.

I'd expect people to put in the effort to get in relative shape before dating. But especially before online dating because your image is the first thing put forwards on these things.

You can't go on sites that revolve largely around attraction based swiping and complain you aren't getting likes when you yourself have said your looks are... not your best foot to put forwards.

It's like a straight guy visiting a gay bar and hoping to pull. It can happen but its maybe not the best place for it.

I'm sure you've got lots of good qualities but online dating is brutal as is, let alone if you can't whack on a good profile pic.

Hell we all go through slumps too where we don't look out best. But then I'd probably try meetup groups where you get to see people in person and their personality plays a bigger role. No way would I martyr myself on online dating and complain I wasn't getting swipes.

Original poster
izzygirlis4 · 20/11/2023 17:37

Pinkbonbon · 20/11/2023 16:51

It's not shallow to swerve people you don't fancy.

I'd expect people to put in the effort to get in relative shape before dating. But especially before online dating because your image is the first thing put forwards on these things.

You can't go on sites that revolve largely around attraction based swiping and complain you aren't getting likes when you yourself have said your looks are... not your best foot to put forwards.

It's like a straight guy visiting a gay bar and hoping to pull. It can happen but its maybe not the best place for it.

I'm sure you've got lots of good qualities but online dating is brutal as is, let alone if you can't whack on a good profile pic.

Hell we all go through slumps too where we don't look out best. But then I'd probably try meetup groups where you get to see people in person and their personality plays a bigger role. No way would I martyr myself on online dating and complain I wasn't getting swipes.

Are you talking to me?

I'm attractive so it's not unreasonable to expect someone I'm dating to be.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 20/11/2023 17:48

No op I was talking to the poster directly before my comment.

BeautyFromBad · 20/11/2023 17:57

I knew you were @Pinkbonbon :) I respectfully disagree that it’s not shallow to judge a person by their looks. We are all so much more than how we look, including attractive people. Yes, we may look at a face and body and think “I like that face and body” but that’s as far as it goes.

I wasn’t complaining really. I get how OLD works. I go out a lot, meet lots of people with shared interests. I have a lovely life and in no way consider myself a martyr to the apps.

I hear what you’re saying about getting in shape though. I would like to do that for me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread