Fallen for my boss

[teacupchance]

My manager helped me with a difficult situation at work and following this I have developed a huge crush on him.

He is attractive, intelligent and we are on the same level. I find myself thinking about him a lot.

I'm married and feel really guilty about my feelings.

Did I develop a crush because he helped me? Is this what falling for someone means?

Flirting for a promotion is not a good scenario. I think you need to move on from this workplace. It is hard to take the flirting back and you have colluded in this unhealthy scenario - I do understand how this has happened and am not judging you - we are all human.

I know this is hard, but I think you need to be open with your OH and discuss the situation with him. He can then back you up in looking for another job. Sharing it with him will help cement your relationship.

A good boss is powerful, authoritative, kind, protective, polite, firm, fair, and more competent than his employees. He helps them when they need it, suggests ways they can grow their careers, and stands up for them against seniors if necessary.

Unless the boss is seriously ugly or ancient, that’s a very sexy combination.

Learn to ignore it like the rest of us do. It isn’t love. You haven’t fallen for him. You have never met the real him, only the work professional version. You don’t know his hopes and dreams, you weren’t there for him as he was climbing the ladder, you’ve never supported him or looked after him with a hangover. You don’t have an equal relationship with him and you never will.

So get over it.

“Flirting for a promotion is not a good scenario. I think you need to move on from this workplace. It is hard to take the flirting back and you have colluded in this unhealthy scenario - I do understand how this has happened and am not judging you - we are all human.”

This.

@Kwer you're right

It’s hard because he’s your boss but I’d suggest distancing yourself from him as much as possible while remaining polite. No little chats, going for coffees, banter, messaging etc if it’s not strictly for work.

It’s a nice ego trip for him, knowing you fancy him as presumably he will do. But chances are he doesn’t care about how all this affects you.

You wont be the only one he flirts with at work.