What is this behaviour

[Cookiejar717]

I've been with My boyfriend over 3 years now. He's a boyfriend I met after separating from my children's dad. I think at first I thought it would become the full works over time. But gradually overtime I've seen that's not possible.

When I met him he was starting again after a split. He had barely anything. Had some health issues with his back and had depression. He was working. He was always nice and appeared honest about his struggles. He explained he was rebuilding. I believed him and I liked him so we began.

But I've ended up in a situation where I feel like im being pushed and pulled. I know the obvious thing is to leave but there is something that's held me here.. I guess it's because its taken a couple of years to realise that his life is staying at a steady low. He gets a good job works for a few months. His back ends up killing him. He comes back out of work. He hides in his house and his moods are up and down..

We Never go out. For a long time I patiently waited for him to get better and get his finances sorted. But he didn't.. so I've had to put myself first. I realised Thursday I needed to do something fun..so I planned to take my 8 year old to London. My 5 year old son is still abit to easily bored and wouldn't enjoy it. My ex and I are on great terms. So he kindly offered to drive us to the tube station which is 90 mins from my house. I spoke to my boyfriend and said I'd only accept if he's was comfortable. He said it was fine and it would save money. When we got to London my ex decided he wanted to take our son to some places and we'd meet on the way back. We had a quick hour together with both kids to pick a Teddy and go to m&m world then we went separate. My boyfriend asked what they were doing and I said they've gone to one of the parks together and for dinner on their own..he went grumpy and said he felt a mug. I told him it wasn't fair for them to do 6 hours driving when they could enjoy the area aswel. Anyway I didn't hear from him after 6pm. Says he went to sleep. But he said he was up with the dogs at 2am so he didn't even.bother checking I got home OK. This morning he seems off and hasn't asked me how it went or asked if my daughter loved it. This is the standard thing when I go out. He also has ruined 2 or 3 meals I've had out with my friend this year falling out with me..

He won't get involved in life with me but seems cross if I go out with other people. Am I in the wrong?

You haven't done anything wrong and your boyfriend seems pretty joyless. Sounds like this relationship may have run its course.

He’s dragging you down, end it.

He is for the bin.

I'd feel really depressed and dragged down in life if I was with him. I would end it and have a really good think about why I'd put up with it for so long.

When I met him he was starting again after a split. He had barely anything. Had some health issues with his back and had depression.

I don’t even understand why you got with him. Where are your standards?

Ditch and move on.

Run away, very fast. He sounds like a miserable, controlling arse.

Ask yourself what he brings to your life. Does he make you laugh? Does he contribute financially? Is he a big part of your family? Does he support you? Do you look forward to seeing him? Do you have plans for the future together? If the answer is no then stop wasting your time on him and find the right one! You’re allowed out with your friends without feeling guilty and the London thing is ridiculous! Don’t even entertain someone making you feel bad for that!

So unless you and your kids stay in he sulks?

Have you just kicked off, sounds like you can maintain a good relationship with your children's dad, so it's not you that's the problem.

Your bf is a fun sponge.

Tell him straight you will no longer put up with this sulking nonsense if he wants to stay in forever doing fuck all that's up to him but life is for living for you and the kids. Make some festive outing plans and tell him to grow the fuck up or fuck off.

And don't let him ruin your weekend or plans he's a grown man and responsible for his own emotions, as petty as they are.

Hmmm, i think the issue is that he agreed to one thing and then in his eyes, something else has happened and you've been playing happy families with the ex and he's probably got himself in a needless tizz about it. I can see why he feels a bit mugged off.

That being said, it doesn't mean he can speak to you negatively or take a mood out on you. He doesn't sound like a great partner. Remember, they're meant to make your life better. Especially in the early stages. He should have been there with you. I agree with all PP.

I think he was a rebound relationship OP. You got together with him when you were feeling vulnerable after a split, and he felt nice and safe and unthreatening. Now you're ready for someone with a bit more get up and go.

Sounds like a miserable dick. One for dumping.

Also, there's no need to ask if you can accept a lift from your child's father. Cut that shit out: it makes the guy think he's got some right to say who you can see etc. He does not.

You just say that's what you're doing. He can like it or lump it. Don't pander to absurd possessiveness ever.

Agreed! It's your children's father not a random. Sounds like you know in your heart of hearts that it's time to move on x

Well done for maintaining a healthy relationship with your children’s father . I think that’s the most important issue here
You should not have asked permission for your ex to drive you to the station . Your DP should accept & respect your relationship with your DC’s DF. Your DP sounds like he’s stifling you . He’s shown you that he’s not going to change.
I would call it a day

Thank you..I would love to be out and about with him. But between depression, pain and money problems he's never got 2 pennies to rub together. He's in survival mode. Even if I offered to get him a ticket he'd have a reason he couldn't. We've been out once in 3 years and I'm not joking! All we have done is go for walks and sit at his. He's always got the big ideas but they never happen. I've realised now he wastes money. He had a 3 grand a month job over the summer. He spent it all on rubbish. He has a driving liscence but hasn't got a car. So he's impossible to go out with. I've often said we would need to hire a car for a weekend say in Norfolk or wherever. He always says about the train. But most days out like zoos etc dont have a train near them. Or the train journey takes 5 hours instead of rhe 2 in the car due to stops.

I just feel its impossible as he never organises anything.

I'm absolutely exhausted today but glad I did it for my kids..

Nothing wrong in wanting more for yourself and your children.

You shouldn't have to shrink your world to fit his. Or your kids'.

There's no guarantee if he was free of the obstacles he has, that this isn't how he would be anyway. It's possible it's personality as well as circumstances. Some people are just talk and say what they think you want to hear.

Never apologise for having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex, and don't let some bloke affect it with his jealousy.

Are you in the wrong according to what? What authority is it that you think you're supposed to be 'getting it right' by?

And 'What is this behaviour?' Do you mean yours or his? Yours is called an anxious attachment style.

Urgh get rid. It's sad he has depression but don't lose yourself trying to save him.