Our ‘fix relationship talk’ didn’t work

[Thby2023]

We had this talk about 4 weeks ago after months of none stop arguing that resulted in screaming matches, threats to leave etc

. We spoke for hours, were both open, and told each other how we felt. Set new ground rules. Spoke about how stressful things were for us and how we relate to one another. We realised we were both as bad as each other.

It was amazing. Felt like a new start. We put everything into action, I felt we had a few minor hiccups but followed our rules and they were quickly resolved.

for the first time in ages I felt peace and hope and happy. Last night I picked him up from the pub, I got offended by something he said but tried to play it as a joke. It escalated massively. Went straight back to where we were before. We were both as bad as each other as per. I won’t go into detail but it was as bad as our arguments before with the same result - a day of horrible atmosphere of us tip toeing around each other and probably being offended by everything the other does. Him being shut off and me being tearful and miserable.

Please can someone give me hope. I thought we were past this and my heart feels more broken than before. We both broke each others trust and I am stupid for arguing back with him when he is drunk. Sometimes the hurt and anger takes over but I should have controlled myself. I don’t know what to say to him.

Why are you still together? It sounds like you make each other miserable. It's better to be single than with the wrong person and if you don't trust each other then what's the point? A relationship is supposed to enhance your life not make you miserable. You deserve better.

Ok. Well there are bound to be blips in any new way of doing things. Especially when alcohol is involved if alcohol was also previously a trigger, it may be worth revisiting the conversation to address it.

But only you know that.

Otherwise,it might be wroth just having a conversation about actually breaking up.

The trust was more we made a commitment of sticking by the rules to each other in that conversation and we both broke them, not that I don’t trust him with other women and vice verse etc.

I just want this to be a blip.

On one level, was the outward fresh slate of everything better and respectful incongruant with how you felt?

Yeah (if I’m reading it right) I felt better. Don’t get me wrong there were times when I was still thinking negative but they were few and far between and i regulated myself. This came so out of the blue I wasn’t expecting it. We were having a nice time

How long have you been together and why has all the arguing escalated in the last few months or has it always been that tense and either one or both of you have backed down before it got to mudslinging?

Is him being drunk a regular thing? Is him being an arse to you when he's drunk a regular thing?

Why do you need to be the one not saying he's hurt your feelings when he's drunk? Has he also agreed to not be an arse when he's drunk?

My ex and I separated in the summer. Our relationship was just dire in the last few years. A lot like yours. Separating was the best decision we ever made!

Oops old post sorry