How to describe ex-sister-in-law for funeral

[IzzyMumDD]

So, my husband's Mum has passed away, and we are trying to give the funeral minister the details of people significant to Mum. Sadly, Mum's eldest son passed away some years ago. Prior to that he had been married to Lorraine (not her real name), who he had left, and divorced, prior to entering a new relationship with Noreen (also not her real name). Mum and Lorraine remained incredibly close despite all this, and we feel Lorraine must get a special mention. She still calls herself the daughter-in-law, but using this description at the funeral would likely cause great offence to Noreen.

Any suggestions for words we can use would be greatly appreciated, as the ideas we've had so far are not working for us. Thank you.

I agree with this. Use something along the lines of "dear friend". The original family link is largely irrelevant now.

So ‘we pray for her sons A and B, her daughter in law Noreen, her sisters x and y, and members of the wider family including Lorraine and Z, and all those who are grieving at this difficult time.

this sounds perfect to me. you could even let out the word "wider" if you wanted.

Thank you all for your comments. They've all been helpful for me to read.

We are probably over-worrying, and the minister will almost certainly deal with it fine, but all the comments have given us pause for thought and discussion points.

Former daughter-in-law

Noreen sounds like an afterthought in this.

I would describe wife 1 as a friend and make sure wife 2 gets a mention as well. But separately.

As a vicar, I would ask the relationship as it helps to cement in my head who is who. Sometimes I would say the relationships when I pray e.g. if a person just had one daughter left then I might say comfort their daughter X, or I might say x and y and all the grandchildren. If it was a tricky relationship I just stick to names. Sometimes with lots of tricky relationships e.g. someone who has been married 5 times or families going through divorce I just pray for their family and friends without naming anyone. It is your service.
Disclaimer: I can't speak for all vicars...