I put my Christmas tree up today.......

[Xmaspenguin]

Probably a bit early for most, but that is not why I am posting.

This is my first Christmas since DH and I split earlier this year. Our marriage has always been one of those too bad to stay/too good to leave boiling frog type of situations. Something as simple as putting up the Christmas tree in previous years would result in an argument. Or complaining and sulking about tangled lights, or how much tinsel was on the tree etc. The Christmas music would be too noisy. There would be lots of complaining about mess everywhere.

This year, there has been none of that. It was calm and peaceful. No shouting, no complaining or arguing. Even DC have commented on it feeling 'different'.

The peace and calm I feel is priceless.

I love this. It’s your year, a fresh start. Make your own traditions with great memories

Thank you 😊

It is all of these little moments over the last few months that have made the biggest difference to my life since he left. I genuinely cannot believe how much calmer and more relaxed I feel since.

This is a lovely post OP. Wishing you a happy peaceful Christmas!

I get it. Two years in and it’s still noticeable and something I cherish - calmness, contentment, joy. Massive well done to you. And Merry Christmas!!

Such a priceless feeling OP! Sounds like you've absolutely made the right decision - for both you and your dc. Enjoy

Well done for making the break. Your post shows there really is light at the end of the tunnel for posters considering the same….or joyful Christmas lights in fact! 🎄

I love this. Enjoy your tree and enjoy your Christmas.

Two years ago we had a blazing row about a tree skirt I’d bought that he claimed didn’t fit (he wasn’t putting it on right).

I ended up putting the decorations up myself while he sulked all night in bed.

It’s probably for the best I had to send the tree skirt back, because it wouldn’t have fit in my new solo tiny house, where I can do what I please as a divorced woman 😇

Good for you!
A lovely post.
Peace and Goodwill to you this Christmas.

Lovely to hear of your happiness! If you can be happy by something as simple as putting a Christmas tree up, that’s a fantastic way to be -may your Christmas and future be as good as you feel today!

I was going to moan that it's still November and far too early blah, blah, blah...

But you know what OP, that's really lovely and I'm very happy for you. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

That feeling of being able to do what you want is great isn't it?!

I can't believe how many things I instinctively acquiesced over and how insidious his disdain towards me was.

True be told, its a bit early for me. But between other arrangements and when the kids now go to their dads, this was the best weekend to do it.

Somehow, I don't think there will be as much complaining about the tree 'being in the way' this year.

good for you enjoy that feeling x

Love this!
My DC are so excited that this year, for the first time, we will have a Christmas tree. STBXH hated Christmas and used to make it so miserable.

@ScaredAndPanicky exactly the same here. I’m so looking forward to Christmas. The children are so excited! It’s going to be lovely. Hope yours is too.

@ScaredAndPanicky and @Brummymumma I hope you both have a lovely Christmas and your kids enjoy it.

Just goes to show one should never stay in a bad marriage/partnership for the 'sake of the children' or whatever. I'm glad you can have a relaxing joyful argument free Christmas season!

Just lovely to hear, you and your children deserve all this and more. All the very best.

Yes! A thousand times yes! Since I stopped sharing Christmas with my ex five years ago, I have enjoyed it all so much more. He didn’t do it deliberately but EVERYTHING was a drama with him around. I was completely bent out of shape after 30 years of it. The peace and quiet and agency and clarity of headspace that is my life now is bliss. I can plan Christmas, retirement, whatever knowing I need to think only of myself (and my DC and dog of course), not of some man who has no idea of what he really wanted or of how to be happy.

well done OP, and welcome to living your own life on your own terms!

This is the sort of post people who are not sure whether to leave or not really need to take note of!

I remember all of those firsts when my marriage ended. The sheer joy of being able to make your own decisions and not have to deal with the crap that accompanied them is priceless ❤️

If there was ever a reason to put up your Christmas tree in mid-November, this is it. Well done, OP.

I was that person myself for a long time. I could only see what I was losing, none of what I would and have gained.

I grew up in a home where shouting, arguing and drama over everything was normal too. So I didn't realise I could have a life without it.

Well done on leaving a bad relationship.
Enjoy the new peace and tranquility.

Oh I so relate!

Many years ago, when I was close to the end of my tether with my Ex-DH but hadn't yet told him we were done, I was putting the Christmas decs away after the new year, and I promised myself that when I next unpacked them, I would be on my own (with DC). I took ages to pack them away really neatly, and with each bauble or strong of lights, I thought about how, when I next handled them, it would just be me. It was a secret, really special promise to myself.

And the next Christmas, I unpacked the decorations and was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of wellbeing and peace.

I'm really happy for you.