Is this friendship on its way out?

[LaLaLaLaah]

I’m wondering whether to let go of an attachment to someone. I don’t mean ghost or fade. Just to stop thinking of this person as someone who is a close friend.

Friend is a lovely person. We got on well when we lived in the same place.

We have a lot less contact than we used to. I noticed it was always me reaching out so I reduced it to mirror her behaviour.

With so little communication, the human connection seems to have gone and things have become imbalanced.

When she wants to talk to me things seem like the old days. When I want to express something about my life, I feel like she can’t picture me in her head anymore.

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I feel guilty because I had another friend. She never phoned me. It was always me phoning her. So I stopped calling and we switched to text.

Then one time her text sounded odd. It could’ve just been she was texting while trying to do something else at the same time. I replied but felt she was giving me the brush off, so I didn’t text again.

An extremely long time later, I got a cheerful text from her. And I felt like it was because she wanted some information on something but didn’t want to ask directly. I tried to keep the conversation going but she didn’t reply to something so I gave up.

I wonder now if I was too harsh when I thought she’s not a friend. She won’t have any idea what’s happened at my end. We weren’t in contact frequently enough for there to be any vibes.

OP, you are doing a log of assuming here which may or may not be correct. Why not pick up the phone and have a chat to these old friends? l don't think it's ever a good thing to make assumption based on texts which can so easily be misinterpreted.

I appreciate why you’re saying that @Seaoftroubles

Both these situations have played out over a number of years.

Do you ever see either in person?

Sometimes you can have friendships where there might not be a lot of communication between times, but when you do get together, it feels natural and it's like the time doesn't matter.

Obviously there are different styles of friendship and communication, but I wouldn't necessarily consider someone no longer a friend if we hadn't spoken for a while.

If you're not feeling happy with what you have with them, that's what matters, tho.

OP l agree with @category12 I wouldnt drop a frienship if we hadnt spoken for a while. Also remember the old saying? 'Relationships (and that includes friendships) can be for a reason, a season or a lifetime' lf you enjoy chatting when you do speak then keep in contact, however if its hard work then perhaps let it drift.

I think most friendships ebb and flow over time - so our view of that friendship with time time needs to too. I wouldn't view your friend as a close friend right now (although she may become one again in the future, given there seems to be no falling out or ill-feelings).

I don't think you've done anything wrong with either friendship, reducing contact to approximately mirror what they do. I think that is the way of it, that we mirror to some extent the person who sets the slowest pace (within reason).