When does the pain go?

[Psychoticbreak]

We broke up some months ago and I just miss him still so much. I thought we were going to be together forever but clearly not. I am awake again this morning and tears are flowing, I am just so sad. The heartbreaking thing is the arguments could have been prevented but our communication style was so different and while we had been talking now he has gone silent on me. I know he cant be the one for me if he has hurt me this much but I just feel so sad and feel like I am grieving the loss of him. I just want to feel happy again but the tears just will not stop falling :(

Your therapist may have been talking about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, might be worth spending a bit of time researching around that.

You have to cut the ties that you have with him, at least the ones that mean you have to see photographs of him out drunk with his friends, I can't imagine they're critical to keep. This is about ripping off the plaster.

Every time you contact him and he rebuffs you, you feel shit, which drives you further round the negative spiral you're in, you feel more upset and the need to get comfort from him increases. Meanwile the pathways in your brain are firing and being laid down and before you know it you have a nasty little habit you can't help.

You can either stop this cycle or you can continue it, and this could run and run. Block his number, delete his emails, and agree with a friend or family member that if you get the urge to contact him, you contact them instead.

I once had a breakup like this. I just could not let got. We were split up for a year or so when he got back in touch and I took him back in a heartbeat.

Once I had him back, I realised quite quickly I didn't want him. Was like my feelings were just gone. Was difficult getting rid of him then. God forbid it wasn't on his terms for a change!

Anyway, I agree with PP who said you're in love with the idea of him/a relationship. You said yourself, you don't want to start again. That doesn't mean he was your 'one', it just feels so overwhelming that you will need to start again at some point.

I was in the best relationship after that but sadly he passed away last year. I really can't imagine starting again, being with anyone else, etc. The fact that death is final though and there is no chance of us getting back together, etc takes that not knowing part away at least.

Hope you feel better soon

I've been there, it's awful isn't it.

I got through it day by day. Started focusing on all his bad points and once I started doing that, I realised I'd been a fool!

Get yourself out there! Find new passions, new people! I love my life now, I hate to think I'd have settled with my ex. He really wasn't all that.

My dh amd I communicate brilliantly and effortlessly. That's what you deserve op!

It doesn't always work to get a hobby. But it can. And if the alternative is to sit and think about 'what might have been', then starting something new as soon as your mind gets stuck into that cycle can break it. Filling your days with other things to do, keeping busy, not letting yourself get sunk into thoughts of another life that's not to be can help an awful lot of people. Because it didn't work for you, don't dismiss it for everyone.

I didn't, hence the use of 'IME'.

So sorry you are struggling OP, at the time the pain seems relentless but as the days pass it will fade l promise you. First thing to do though is to block him on everything except email if you really have to be in contact. Don't torture yourself by looking at his social media. Distract yourself by whatever means possible and try not to overthink on what could have been, the less headspace you give him the better. Keep busy, see family and friends, and do some nice things for yourself. You will get there, and eventually you won't think about him at all.

This, that's really good advice, absolutely go no contact because by following him on Social Media is only a torture upon yourself so stop doing it, you can't start the healing process unless you're kinder to yourself. It's over and there's no going back, this is about you now, the healing that has to come and then moving forward into a better future. In your head, wish him well and let go.,