Cheating

[Lostsoul222]

I am absolutely beside myself, I never thought I would do this but I drunkenly kissed someone at my Christmas party, my partner and I have been together 5 years but have been arguing quite a bit lately and I’ve been super stressed as my mum was diagnosed with late stage cancer, I know this is not an excuse I am disgusted with myself, I don’t understand why I self sabotage, I hate myself and I love him so much. Do I tell him? I just know he won’t forgive me and everything going on with my mum I just can’t handle not having him around. - I’m really unsure what do from here.

Please tell him asap. Please do not lie on someone and manipulate the truth because you are in fear of him leaving you. Please do not omit the truth and falsely accuse people. Please do not manipulate your partner into staying.

Tell him and work towards accepting whatever happens.

You admitted in the original post to giving consent and self sabotaging. You admitted to going through a tough time, and feeling like you can't get through it without him around.

Now you are changing your story because you know there's a strong possibility that he will leave you.

You are fully aware of what happened.

Don't intentionally ruin the guy you kissed reputation and potentiality life by fibbing.

These are serious accusations with serious life altering consequences and repercussions for him.

Would you want your partner cheating on you, fibbing or omitting the truth, and falsely accusing someone???

Excuse me? I never admitted to ‘giving consent’ I said I kissed someone and the only way I found out was speaking to this person the next day. It’s comments like yours that encourage people to hide the truth of a situation. I was very confused when I wrote that post about what happened. If someone is drunk or drugged and doesn’t remember it happening means they didn’t give consent. I would never ruin someone’s life but I do feel taken advantage of because I don’t even remember if bloody happening

I’m confused, so you kissed him at the party and got an Uber home from there?

Or you went back to his and got an Uber from there?

I think it’s unlikely you were spiked as you’d have so little memory of anything, I’d imagine your partner would have noticed when you were home that you were pretty much passed out and barely coherent (unless he wasn’t at your home) and I doubt you’d be well and functioning enough to go to work the next day (if you went).

Did your partner ask why you had phoned him 25 times?

No I did not kiss him at the party. To be clear, I was out at a work party then I got separated from everyone ( I do not remember how) and ended up alone at another bar with said colleague. I don’t remember leaving the first place and this is all hazy. Next thing I remember is we are stood outside somewhere saying I need to go home, I need to go home and something about carry on the party at mine, I’d been texting my partner the whole time but my texts are all weird and misspelt because I was obviously drunk. Then next thing I come too but again hazey and I’m at this persons place I freak out and I’m saying I need to go home I need to go home and I grab my stuff and basically run and call and Uber, I don’t remember coming home and the Uber driver woke me up once we got there. I never said I was ‘spiked’ I just said my head was all over the place and I don’t know what happened. I then had to call the next day and find out because I have 0 memory of it. Then when I found out I wrote on here in a fit of guilt and shame because in my right mind I would never touch anyone else and I don’t understand how it escalated to that, the only way I could explain it was blaming myself by saying self sabotage and that we had been having a rough patch as we had. Since then I’ve reached out to some services to seek some help as to make sense of it all as I couldn’t make sense of it myself. I have unfortunately been spiked before so thanks for the education but I know how it already feels, hence why I am so confused as to what happened and how I ended up in that situation.

It was also at the weekend so no work the next day…

Well that post is very different to your first one where you said you got drunk and kissed him at a Christmas Party and based on your second account there are 3 things you need to do:

1. Phone the police and report you think you’ve been spiked, I know there’s no way it can proven but repeat to them what you’ve just said in your post and be guided by them.

2. Ask yourself why, if despite endless messed up texts that didn’t make sense followed by 25 phone calls, it didn’t spark enough worry in your boyfriend for him to call you or come and find you or make sure you were safe. I would be questioning my relationship if my DH wasn’t concerned in similar circumstances.

3. If you’ve also been spiked before and it’s now happened again then you really need to be mindful of ways to keep yourself safe by not leaving your drinks unattended / uncovered to stop it happening a 3rd time. Obviously it’s not your fault it happened either time, but reducing the risk of it happening again should be a big priority. You’re lucky you managed to escape the situation.

If you think you’ve been spiked then I would tell your partner because this is something you need his support with, especially if you report your colleague which you absolutely should do. Also, if you were spiked and did not give your consent then I can’t see how your boyfriend could leave you or class it as cheating. Don’t let any misplaced guilt torture you like this is. Your colleague is at fault, not you. Do you have any close female colleagues that you can talk to about this? They may be able to fill in some of the blanks?

You’re already going through a really terrible time without the weight of this on your shoulders so I would just tell your partner and if he’s any kind of decent man then he’d support you, not leave you for being spiked and ‘cheating on him’. And if he does leave you then it shows he’s an arsehole anyway.

Your focus needs to be on your and your mum so the quicker you tell your partner what happened the quicker all this stress and worry can be lifted from you and you can take the necessary steps to process what has happened.

The level of unawareness you describe in your latest posts certainly gives the impression that it was something more than just being drunk.

"SheIsStuck23 · Today 11:09

Phone the police and report you think you’ve been spiked, I know there’s no way it can proven but repeat to them what you’ve just said in your post and be guided by them."

Blood / urine tests?

Well OP said this happened at a weekend… doesn’t say which weekend, but even if it was last weekend that’s still 4/5 days ago at a minimum so I doubt anything residual would show up in bloods or urine at this point? I don’t know enough about the drug though so it’s pure speculation on my part.

I hope I’m wrong though as it gives the OP a chance to have it proven and her colleague dealt with appropriately.

Your original post reeks of self awareness...some replies of yours further confirmed and reflected that you were fully aware. Recently you've replied with accusations of not giving consent. ..you are desperate to keep your partner in your life because you are going through a tough time and can't bare to lose him or the support you feel he's giving you.

You stated in your original post that things haven't been going well in your life, your relationship has been on the rocks, and that you self sabotaged...that you kissed this guy maybe out of all the hardships you were facing.

This is your original post:

I am absolutely beside myself, I never thought I would do this but I drunkenly kissed someone at my Christmas party, my partner and I have been together 5 years but have been arguing quite a bit lately and I’ve been super stressed as my mum was diagnosed with late stage cancer, I know this is not an excuse I am disgusted with myself, I don’t understand why I self sabotage, I hate myself and I love him so much. Do I tell him? I just know he won’t forgive me and everything going on with my mum I just can’t handle not having him around. - I’m really unsure what do from here.

You were fully aware and conscious of your actions and behaviors. You may regret the situation and your actions, but it wasn't a mistake.

If such serious allegations occurred, why didn't you include this in your original post? Why wasn't the original post about you feeling or knowing some guy took advantage of you at a party, and you feeling that you were drugged??

If these allegations are true, you have no proof, and you didn't help your case by creating the original post... If you were to report and a full investigation happened, your history on the internet, and your technological usage will be examined. .amongst other things.

Your case would quickly be dismissed.

Your partner deserves to know either way.

I am sorry about the hardships you are facing. Please take care of your mental health and overall well being. Perhaps therapy may be beneficial.

I explained why I posted that because I was confused/ shocked had just been informed.

I was not fully aware of my actions as I said previously. I am very aware it would be a he said she said situation and unfortunately due to people like you this is why things go un reported.

I didn’t think anything serious had occurred until I had some time to digest it, and at what stage did I say I haven’t now told my partner?

I hope you get some sleep at night accusing someone of being a liar of is obviously going through it, your post screams ‘ well she brought it on herself’

I would take some time to educate yourself on what consent is before replying again

good night

Just don’t tell him. You have a lot on your plate currently and you don’t need this on top of it. Just watch your drinking and don’t do it again.

Edit sorry only just read the rest- bit odd this post.

How did your partner react?
Supportively I hope.

Don't say anything, if it comes up say you were really drunk (which it sounds like you were) and don't remember or remember something vaguely. It's not worth ruining your relationship over.

You’re every man’s dream girlfriend 😂

A free pass for them to kiss another woman if they’re drunk and permission to deny it if it “comes up” and simply say they can’t remember and things will all be fine 😂

Don't tell him if he hasn't got any way of finding out. If you think he could find out - then tell him. Say you can't remember what happened etc etc

@Lostsoul222 in a similar situation, how did things turn out?

Late to the party, but I cannot believe how many people are saying not to tell him - regardless of the circumstances!

If this was a man asking if he should tell his girlfriend/wife, women would be ripping him to shreds.

Yes, you should absolutely tell him.