Should I ask him about the puppy plan longterm

[Apples1112]

My boyfriend and I do not live together but spend half the week at his flat together. 3 months ago "ellie" arrived into our lives. A bouncy energetic spaniel puppy. He had a dog 5 years ago when we first met and that dog was by his side constantly. In bed. On the sofa. 24/7. When the dog passed away my partner then was focused more on me as awful as that sounds. Because that dog was a rescue he was set in his ways and I thought perhaps that's why he slept under the covers in the bed with us.

The puppy has been allowed in the bed with us from the first night. She is also 24/7 ,up on the furniture with us. We never ever get even 30 seconds as a couple. She is now showing sweet but clear signs of not liking my boyfriend and I to physically touch one another. If we hold hands she butt's our hands apart. If I lie on him she wriggles in between us and pushes me out the way. I woke up freezing at 3am last night and went to roll over to snuggle into his back and she was in his arms. I went to the toilet she was on my pillow.

Its not her fault. I know that. He must be aware how I feel to an extent because I have commented a little. I asked him this morning when he sat down and she was on his knee in 2 seconds if it doesn't drive him crazy she's stuck to him 24/7. Even new born babies don't stay permantly on their parent.

I can't state enough I love the dog. She's adorable. It's my boyfriend that's the issue. But am I right to ask him about this and whether there's anything we Can do so we can have occasional time alone.

I am not sure if its connected but we have also stopped having sex and we had a great sex life prior to this.

Interesting posts. I have had dogs since I was a kid, mostly puppies,a couple of older rescues. Got a puppy now 18 week old border collie and an 8 year old border collie. They are allowed on the bed and sofa.... when we say so. They get off, when told "off". Training started on day one,SIL, said it was cruel. DH yesterday put puppies food down, told her 'leave' and she did. I know it's about 50/50 on MN, whether dogs are allowed in bedroom, furniture,(we live in a bungalow, shes crated just outside the bedroom door at night) the other one has a bed on the bedroom floor (which is taken to the conservatory during the day,) but gravitates onto the bed sometimes. I love it,it's warm and comforting. My ex H didn't allow the dogs upstairs. Yes, basic training at home and classes, but I think that the most important thing is...you have to both be on the same page!

Your bf sounds needy tbh. To do the best by a puppy, you need to be prepared to train them so they turn into a nice older dog, just like with kids you have to go through the stress of disciplining them so they don't turn out to be brats.

It also means your dog won't injure anyone as you have recall etc, and if they ever need to be rehomed they'd find someone to take them in, which isn't always the case with a badly trained dog.

It sounds like he wants the dog to be adoring and cute without doing the work of making sure it turns out as well as possibls by training it.

And I'd find it absolutely minging to sleep with a dog, especially one that eats its own shit!

He needs to have more respect for himself, you and the dog.

Away with friends for the weekend. I've probably hit my fluid intake but not entirely water 🍷 🍷 🍷. Curry last night was carb free as far as I could tell, and roast dinner today I can skip the potatoes...and dessert.

Partner is a terrible dog owner and is setting up a life of misery for next 10yrs.

OP, you both need to be on the same page with Ellie re consistency. The crate would be extremely helpful and you could pick up a second hand one on ebay or Facebook market place. Re poo eating you need to supervise her and have her on a lead in your garden and when out walking her. Then give her a treat each time she turns away from the poo. A bigger worry is that your partner can't afford a crate, dogs are expensive! Has she had her inoculations and also what about the cost of spaying, future vets bills and dog food?

My dh and I have different ideas on what we need from our dog and the dog knows what she can and can't do with us both.

My dh works shifts so will go to bed just after tea time, the dog goes up to bed with him and will sleep on the bed, but as soon as I go up to bed (we have about 2 hours when we're both in bed at the same time) she will get off the bed and go onto her bed. She knows this so will move.

The same with the sofa, if I want to sit down she will move off the sofa and won't come up unless I invite her. She just gets up when my DH is on his own. It's not about bullying the dog, it's about teaching her to respect your boundaries. Dogs aren't daft (well some are), but our dog knows what those boundaries are and respects them. She knows she can get away with lots more from my dh, but she's so much better behaved with me. Doesn't mean she doesn't love me any less, in fact I do think she prefers me to my dh because she knows where she stands. Dogs much prefer knowing what the boundaries are.

Bought a puppy but can’t afford a crate? Is he just really irresponsible? Please don’t fall into the trap of training it for him. You will never know then if he would make the effort because it’s a deal breaker for you, or if he just thinks it’s your job to fix dealbreakers. I’d be very tempted to say im not coming around until you’ve got a crate and a consistent training plan in place. Him: I can’t afford a crate. You: sounds like you shouldn’t have bought a dog then. My conditions stand. I didn’t buy a dog and I’m not going to do all the work to facilitate your decision nor am I going to come hang around with your completely untrained dog. Take it out to poo, pick its poo up immediately. Tell it off the bed, sofa every time and reward it. Cuddles on the floor: good consistent habits. Let me know when you’re making progress.

Wildwestpioneer,yup, absolutely the same here.

Training is not bullying if you use positive reinforcement. She needs to want to do what you are asking her, and not doing it through fear. She is being set up for a life of misunderstanding if she isn't trained as she won't know what is expected of her as she can do what she likes.
My dog, a show cocker spaniel, was a crazy thing when she was a puppy, up until she was about 5? She is 11 now and still has her moments. She was originally crate trained and up until about 5 years ago she slept downstairs. We then had to keep our cat contained overnight and the only room was the living room, which was where our dog also slept, so she came up with us. She sleeps on our bed until we put our lights out and then she goes into her bed. She sleeps in there, or various places on the floor until it starts to get light and then asks to come up onto our bed where she stays until the alarm. This morning however I was up at 5.15am as she was desperate for the loo, but that's not the norm.
As for the furniture, she has always been invited up and gets down when we ask her. She snuggles up to one of us, usually my dh, but there is no aggression if we cuddle or hold hands.
All these things can be worked on as she is still young, but you need to be united in your training otherwise she will be confused. Good luck!

@AttilaTheMeerkat the ‘pack’ myth has been debunked for decades, including by the guy who made it up in the first place. Doing any dog training with ‘packs’ or associated nonsense will result in incorrect techniques. No one should still be peddling dog hierarchy myths.
The man is a shit dog owner, he can’t afford a pet and has done fuck all to get the dog to be happy and well rounded, as if spaniels weren’t hard enough work.

Puppies need training, ideally from day one. We were told that every interaction with your pup is a training session.

@OldandTired66 …ok?

He must be aware how I feel to an extent because I have commented a little.
You seem very timid about saying what you need, OP; do you know why?

I have a dog that sleeps with me in my bed. When my bf is over, the dog goes in the other room at night. She knows this, so all I have to do to prepare her is say goodnight and she gets in her bed. If she didn't have a bed, the settee would do just as well. She doesn't chew cables, though, which can be an issue with spaniels I think?

From what you say it sounds a bit like you are going to put the dog bed in the same room as you, or have I misunderstood that? If your bf doesn't have a crate, how about a loo/the bathroom?

1. Poo: Puppies eat their own poo. It's a sign they are not getting the nutrients they need or they are stressed or bored. They don't just do it for no reason. What are you feeding her? What entertainment do you give her? Spaniels are intelligent - they need to work, not sit on a sofa being hugged. Given you/your boyfriend cannot even afford a crate I'm assuming you're feeding her cheap crap? Not trying to shame here, but if you cannot even afford a crate for a puppy I'm struggling to believe you can afford to feed her properly.

2. Calm: At 19 weeks old a spaniel puppy should not be a maniac - they might still get the roomies but they should be able to settle at night and not be able to clamber over everyone. My cocker was house trained at 10 weeks and slept through the night by 12 weeks (8pm-6am), ditto my golden retriever.

3. Training: Just because a dog can give paw does not mean she is trained. 'Paw' is what people train their dogs to do when they can't be arsed to give them proper training such as; being able to be alone, sitting for extended periods of time when you leave the room, perfect recall etc. Paw is pointless unless you're teaching the dog to give it so you can trim it's nails (which, judging by your post I don't think is the reason you trained it to give paw). You are not 'bullying her' you are giving her boundaries - which a dog needs

Overall:

1. The dog is not trained and it should be.

2. A puppy should not be sleeping in a bed with its human and should not be attached to its human 24/7. Even at 8 weeks old you should have been leaving it for 10/15 minutes at a time. If you carry on like this you are going to end up with a neurotic dog with separation anxiety that cannot be left even for 10 seconds. Dogs need boundaries from when they are young and then, when they are older, you can give them more freedom to come into the bed - they need to learn it's good to be alone.

3. You need to be be clear with your boyfriend that his behaviour (and yours by not wanting to 'bully' the dog) is actually actually doing more harm than good to the dog.

Ultimately, I think you're both bad dog owners. You have a dog that is approaching 5 months (if you've had her for 3 months and got her at 8 weeks) that isn't trained, has no respect for you/your property, eats it's poo due to lack of nutrients...I hate to think about all the things you're not telling us about.

Please tell me she is insured?

our previous dog was a spaniel and while he was nuts and moved at the speed of light always, he was easily trained:

1. not to jump up ever at people. Instead he did this mad excited wiggle which was really cute
2. not on our bed. The kids (teens) let him on their beds, but he was never allowed on ours, and he rarely tried.
3. on sofa only by invitation. We did that by training him never to get on the sofa and then when he had been with us for about a year, and was firmly trained, we sometimes put his blanket on the sofa and invited him up. He knew it and would sit and wiggle at us waiting for us to get the blanket out, or send him to his own bed.

Scratches on your eye are because he has been taught to go on the bed! It is really up to you if he sleeps in your bedroom, but I would not have dog on my bed as a couple, especially if you want sex! Turfing the dog out is hardly a good start to a cuddle, and if he is sitting outside the door whining that is not conducive to sex either.

Start by teaching him to go to his bed. Every time he sits on the bed, use a command like - In your bed. Reward him with treats and praise.
build up from there. Once he can go to his bed on command then you do it at night. Remove from your bed and say the command and put him in his bed.

Also teach him off. This is good for lots of situations, and isn't hard to do.

get on to youtube. But you must be consistent!