I don’t think he loves me anymore

[Romanicicles]

I spoke to my partner several months back about not feeling we do enough together and it’s affecting our relationship. He promised to work on it and that we would make more time together. Nothing has changed. We do have children, one of which being a baby, so it is hard to make time and by the evening we’re exhausted. But I can’t help feeling so unimportant and that everything else comes first (albeit the children which goes without saying).
We haven’t had sex since I conceived our baby as it made him squeamish, and we haven’t got back to it since the birth. I made it clear im ready and healed months ago, he said he’ll make the effort but again he goes to sleep before me so the chance is never there.
When we do get rare time alone we just go for walks or watch tv. There isn’t any romance or passion. At the moment his job is important to him, he lives and breathes it. He had the option to swap a work day meaning one of the days he could spend with me each week but he chose not to as it would affect time with his child from a previous relationship (understandable as children come first, however it could have been occasional and just a few hours).
He knows how I feel but keeps promising more and more if I raise the subject, without actually putting in the work. I’m starting to feel very down and spent the morning crying in a supermarket car park because I’m struggling with feeling alone and unwanted by him. I’m very lucky in that he helps with the children and house, he rarely goes out with friends and comes straight home from work, yet for us as a couple it isn’t how I’d hope.
Part of me thinks he has checked out but doesn’t want to admit it or go through a break up, but he assures me he loves me and nothing has changed for him. He doesn’t hug me when he gets home from work anymore. I don’t feel that he even likes me never mind loves me. I don’t know whether to end it, try counselling or keep trying to make changes until he finally understands how to make a relationship work. I just can’t live like this anymore, I want to feel loved, desired and important but I don’t want to split my family.

You have a small child, a baby and he has another child from a previous relationship.
You're tired, exhausted even. Adapting to motherhood can be overwhelming, but a lot of people forget that adapting from one child to two, or two to three, can be equally challenging.

You're obviously overwhelmed and feeling alone, but you're also having trouble keeping things in perspective - which is what we tend to do when we haven't had enough sleep of time to unwind.
Take a deep breath.
Remember that these are the hardest years and the quality of your relationship shouldn't be based on how you interact now.
Try to remember why you fell in love with your partner to begin with, what qualities you admire in him.
Think of ways you can unwind, even without him for now. Do you have family or friends, hobbies outside the house? Anything you can do to take care of yourself? Do you have time away from the care for your children, time to be you and not just mum or wife? What do you do to recharge your batteries?

And then give yourself and your partner some time. Things will very likely get better eventually. Couples who get through this stage are likely to find each other again if they are both willing.
My husband and I actually vowed not to break up for any reason until our youngest child turns 6, because we want to give ourselves time to adapt to parenthood and find time to invest in our relationship again after the hardest years.

Every word you said on here is exactly how I'm feeling right now. It's unbearable isn't it. And very lonely. We have a 1 year old and two 10 year old boys (one from previous partner).