Hand hold please - the end?

[febbabies2023]

We have two kids 3 and under. We've been together for 9 and a half years, not married.

Things haven't been amazing since having the children, I don't think they ever are. It's a massive change in your life isn't it. Just as I was getting back to me after child 1, I found out I was pregnant again with child 2. She's 9 months now and I'm due to return to work.

I've had a feeling things have been off for a while like really off. He's less affectionate, doesn't say 'love you' first, hardly spends time with me. He works a lot, he's in a high pressure job, okay. He's great with the kids still, takes them out on weekends etc.

This morning he left his phone at home. I looked. Because that phone is joined at the hip and I wanted to know I wasn't going mental (wrong I know)
But I looked at a mutual friends chat as we'd seen her recently and the below is what I found.

I'm annoyed, I feel heartbroken, I feel sad for our kids. I feel like he's completely checked out and he won't even want to work on anything. I feel like for him, it's over.

What on earth am I mean to do or say. I've been with him since I was 19. He's been my life for so long

You need a conversation. Is this person someone he’s giving a sob story to, in the hope he’ll get in her knickers, or is someone he’s just venting to?
Do you want to try counselling, to try and get back on track, or not ?
But I’d be getting my ducks in a row while you’re waiting to find out.

@DustyLee123 god no he'd never try it on with her 😂 (he wouldn't with anyone to be fair for all this down sides he's not a cheat) I don't think he would want counselling - I think he's completely checked out of the relationship.
I know we need to talk, but I know what's coming. And that's sad.

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I know it must seem impossible but you need to find some time and sit down for an honest chat with your partner.

I can see the sadness in his message to your friend, and I’m wondering if maybe he feels he already knows the outcome because he thinks you have checked out? He does say that he doesn’t want to break up his family?

Until you have that honest chat, both of you are just burying your heads in the sand & not really knowing what the other is thinking. If it is the end, then you will get through it. It may take some time to heal, but you will get there. Take care x

@Vanillalime thank you x

These messages sound like he might want to work on things rather than break up the family? You both realise that things are not right at the moment, maybe that’s the time to address this and try coupes counselling.

Honestly I could never had imagined my ex would have had an affair but he did and it probably started out like this with a mutual friend. He’s opened the door to someone else about your relationship that you weren’t aware of. It’s a slippery slope so you need to nip it in the bud.