Does the pain from being cheated on ever go away?

[Celestialwolves]

One year separated and still struggling with the betrayal of trust. Ex partner moved straight onto the other women. we was together 18 years.

Little things trigger me or I’ll be asleep and have awful thoughts of them together. Can randomly burst into tears. Other times feel really happy. So many up and downs. Emotionally depleted.

Two young kids who barely see their dad.

I do have great friends and and overall nice lifestyle but big anxieties about future finances.

Honestly though we would grown old together and was completely blindsided.

where do I go from here?

Its a cliche, but it just takes time. My exh did the same we were together similar length of time.

It’s hard with ups and downs and sometimes feelings surprise you. Soon you’ll start to notice you have more good days than bad. You have to look forward not back, easy to say I know!

Think about you, do things that make you feel good. Above all be kind to yourself.

I completely agree with @Channellingsophistication My ex of 11 years cheated on me and left me for her. I thought I would never recover. I cried every day for a long time. But it does get better with time, it really does, even though I’m sure you can’t imagine it does just now.

Don’t try to suppress your pain, let it out. As has been said, take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself. I promise it will get better.

Yes the pain absolutely goes away in time. You focus on parenting your children getting your home together your career enjoying normal life milestones….holidays /graduations. Eventually you can stand right next to him at your sons uni event and feel absolutely zero emotion other than …wow I’m so happy I’m not married to you.

Thank you all I needed to hear that.

My ex of 9 years did this do me.

I would say 3 years before I had accepted it and didn't ruminate or dream about it.

The break up was now 11 years ago and I'm heartbroken about a different man which really makes me absolutely never ever bother thinking about the ex that cheated!

I know it’s been said but time really is a healer. Infidelity recovery is 2-5 years which sounds overwhelming but for most is sadly true. The worst is over in the first two years though.

To help you heal you could try writing a diary, make sure you don’t wallow in music about break ups but listen to uplifting songs about rising above, there’s a book called ‘from abandonment to healing’ which has exercises which might help, reading ‘leave a cheater gain a life’ and delving into ‘who’ you are leaving behind is also helpful. Chump lady website is fantastic at resources which will have you nodding away in agreement, it’s cathartic.

I totally agree with doing things in your new family unit. Create wins for yourself. Things you wouldn’t have done before but now you’ve all tackled together. Be proud of your tiger mum status, you are amazing holding this ship together.

This nasty piece of work who can’t even be bothered to see his own children does not deserve you!

Hi OP, my ex and I were together for much less time but he left for OW earlier this year, we also have a very young child.

At first I was just utterly devastated, I cried every single day, felt like I could barely function, but slowly and almost indecernibly I am turning a corner, I definitely have mostly good days now, find that I don’t really miss him anymore as I have seen the real him and his behaviour etc has made it very clear to me that he’s not the kind of man I actually want to be with but it still doesn’t erase history, now and then I’m surprised by a memory or something and will feel really upset again but not for long.
i keep wondering why I’m not completely over it yet but I think I’m still grieving for what I thought we would have and what I thought our future would be rather than for him as such, I think It’s really important to separate those two things.

i would also recommend a good therapist if that’s possible for you to help work through the feelings that come up.

In reality it took me 3 years to completely recover from my ex affair. It's gets better day by day. You've been with your dh for a long time so no wonder you're still hurting.

The old saying 'time is a healer, so give time, time' is very true. Be kind to yourself, let yourself grieve. Can you see a councillor? That might help get some stuff out.

It absolutely gets better, more than 3 years on and I just look at him now and think thank god I'm not with you anymore! Counselling helped, focusing on my children and making new memories helped but mainly it was just time I think. Unfortunately I think I'll never quite have the 100% trust in a man that I had for him but I do believe it all worked out how it was supposed to. One day you'll look back and be so proud of yourself and how you've raised your children ❤️

I’ve only just come back and seen all your replies. Thank you so much.