Hi,
I am in a terrible situation and I really need some support from anyone who has been through this. My STBXH was abusive to me for 8 years. Verbal and emotional at first moving to physical after second DC was born ( we have 3 DC 8, 6 and 4) including non-fatal strangulation and hitting in the face, kicking / attacking me in front of the DC. A few months ago I was getting youngest DD ready for bed and she was incredibly sore down below front to back. I made a throw away comment ‘oh darling why is it so sore?’ a rhetorical question really, what came in reply is not something I ever thought I would hear coming from my DD’s mouth and it has left me traumatised. I switched on my phone and tried to get her to say it again to record it. She told me various other things. In a panic I sent the recordings to my sister who called the police ( absolutely right thing to do). I did not speak to STBXH because he has history of denial, minimising and gaslighting his abuse of me, so much so that even with a bruised face he would still manage to gaslight how that happened and I knew I had to prioritise DD’s needs in the moment. I was not safe to ask him or speak to him about it. I have never had any dealings with the police. They turned up and arrested him. My sister had told them about his physical abuse of me because she was worried about our safety and I told the police when they arrived but didn’t make a statement about the DV / EA.
Fast forward a few months. DC unfortunately was not able to tell any professionals about what happened to her ( beyond devastated that this even has to happen with such a young child when there is recordings / videos of disclosures) so the allegations were unsubstantiated but I KNOW that it happened and she is only 4 so perfectly acceptable that she would only feel comfortable sharing that with her mummy. Apparently this means nothing and as such SW agreed with police unsubstantiated and contact with STBXH should be UNSUPERVISED despite my sharing of evidence of DV in front of DC (DD had disclosed to preschool) . I used PR to withold contact despite this because I did not agree he should have direct contact and he took me to court. Interim contact was awarded initially (only 4 sessions) supervised moving up to 6 hours every Sunday UNSUPERVISED. I have grave concerns about this for obvious reasons. No work has been done by him to address loss of control and rage issues. He is in COMPLETE DENIAL about his abuse of me despite photographic evidence of bruises (a child seen behind me in car seat as bruise was appearing on my cheek where he had just hit me in front of them), video of me moments after non-fatal strangulation with hand marks visible on my throat. He has launched his own campaign with a twisted story that I initiated the violence despite DC not saying it was me and me having told my sister as well as having panic attacks on the phone to her after his attacks. SW did a Child and Family Assessment with a load of factual inaccuracies including that we had separated and so the recordings of DD disclosures needed to be viewed in the light of parental alienation. I have NO WORDS, I feel so BETRAYED AND LET DOWN. I was so traumatised when SW came I couldn’t sleep or eat and was shaking permanently but STBXH obviously turned on the charm and manipulated her and she was swayed by his false account. My STBXH was arrested in our bedroom in his pajamas??? We were still married at the time. Because of that report he has been granted access. We are gearing up for a Fact Finding and I just want really to hear other peoples stories on how these went and what contact was ordered?? To be honest I feel near suicidal at the thought that he can get away with CSA of our DD (who clearly does not understand the gravity of what happened to her now but will do if she remembers and will be asking me HOW she was made to go and see him) that she told me and I have not been able to protect her because she will only be believed if she tells a professional and she is clearly traumatised and doesn’t want to!!!!
I am living my worst nightmare and I just need anyone who has been in a similar situation (even without the CSA) who can tell me what contact was ordered after FF? My solicitor is convinced FF of DV and EA will be found but said they don’t like to FF on CSA. Anyone have a family court CSA FF go their way in a situation with a very young child who couldn’t tell a professional? I am literally hanging on by a thread, diagnose with PTSD and having trauma therapy, on anti-depressants and struggling so much with the thought that hideous excuse for a human being is fawning all over the DC buying them gifts and taking them to expensive places ( he has cut our family finances off and issued me a tiny budget so is still managing to control me). I don’t know how to live with the burden of my DD’s disclosure knowing that he will likely be given overnight contact and she will be at his mercy. I am HORRIFIED that this is even allowed when there is even a tiny hint it could have happened. There doesn’t seem to be ANY PROTECTION?? Even the police said he could have unsupervised overnight contact WHILE THEY WERE INVESTIGATING? Any comments helpful but please be kind I am in a very fragile state.