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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Such an unhappy home

2 replies

WhoHasTheBloodyTime · 16/11/2023 19:20

DS1 awaiting ASD diagnosis. Very loving and funny but pretty much all our furniture is broken and I flinch around him as he hits so much. He's Year One. DD1 no problem.

DH grumpy and tired. Not much patience with DS. He is v loving dad but gets v tired. He isn't that loving to me, he never listens, switches odd, v little affection. He often makes snide comments and then says he doesn't understand why I'm upset.

Our home feels v unhappy. Every day someone is in tears, something is smashed. We have loving moments and fun, but it feels v chaotic. I am becoming a workaholic and spend so much time on my computer.

What can I do? My son will not cope with 2 homes so I how do I accept living in such an unhappy way for so long? I've tried talking to DH but pointless

OP posts:

Popperzip · 16/11/2023 22:03

Another way to look at it, maybe your son is picking up on the tension and your husbands lack of patience and the fact he’s not present emotionally and that’s amplifying his behaviour, anxiety with ADHD can be brutal.

Maybe the thing about being in 2 separate homes, with 2 happy parents might be the turning point for your son.

Yes it would be hard; but it might be the solution you need.

Rockingchai · 17/11/2023 06:31

I feel your pain. My son (not ASD but is adopted and has attachment difficulties which can have some of the same behaviours) was very very aggressive to me at that age, and was destructive of property up until around aged 9-10. My ex was also utterly lacking in patience and understanding. We went on a few parenting courses for children like my son and it completely changed how I managed him, but my ex refused to listen to any of it.

Sadly I had to leave with my son when he was 8, my ex was also an alcoholic so not the same situation but it did make for a much easier and happier home.

No easy answers. For me - the right special school transformed my situation. He is also much easier to manage in the house when I am the only parent because I understand how to best parent him. Aged 11 he really is a joy and a dream most of the time.

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