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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need a womans point of view on my wife

20 replies

Bobertblaine1987 · 16/11/2023 18:08

Sorry it's long. So my wife n I have been separated almost 2 years. We have a now 5 yo. 8 months ago she crashed her car and came to stay here. However she sleeps in the living room cuz she told me she doesnt want to b together and honestly I would rather her here then somewhere else idc if she sleeps with me or not. We co parent well. She isnt receptive to my compliments but we get alot great. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. My bday went well she was very sweet n made me breakfast. Since then she's been given me that I like u look. But I didnt wanna make her feel uncomfortable so I felt it was just me. Then a couple days later she comes to my room and asks if I feel differently kinda like hormones are different, I said not really n she just was like ok idk y I'm asking n left. I texted her iv always been attractive to her n latly it seems more so so maybe is the guist. I asked if if she needs something anytime like food, to b held, ect not expecting anything cuz she doesnt like to be touched and she said she wanted to b held latly so I told her I'd love to but she has to help me with timing cuz I dont wanna shy her away. After a few days n yes i gave her long hugs she suddenly started warming up to me. Laying on me asking for back runs ect. Pg 13 stuff. Then sun night she asked if we could watch a movie after our kid went to bed. She NEVER asks for alone time with me so I hopped on it. N I held her a lil n that was it. That note she came to my room n we hung out in the dark. Talked, slow danced to no music. When she would get close she would say this feels wierd n would take a step back. Then would cry n tell me how we cant be together. She said I'll never change and she wont forget what iv done., I used to be grumpy all the time after work in customer service so we argued alot. That was it... I just said I was sorry for all that and I did change. She told me her plan tonite was to watch an adult movie n sex. Mind u we havnt had sex in over 2 years and we r mormon so adult movie is off cuz she wont even watch a sex scene I think a regular movie so in are time separated I think she changed a bit idk.This went on for an hr then we cuddled up again. Then she left the room after again crying how we cant be together n shes only here cuz she has no where else to go. The whole time I was sympathetic and tried to explain I understand n I'm just happy to have her here even if shes in the next room. She stormed out crying then came back 5 min later relaxed or atleast calmed down. Then started demanding me in an erotic way. Yadda yadda sex. But pleasing her not me. Wierd cuz she is answeet girl 24 7. So this was off n new. I'm this new moment she talked bad to mr how I'm a bad person. After that yadda yadda... she layed down n she used my arm as a pillow. A kept asking me not to make it wierd tomorrow cuz this will never happen again and I cant hold her or touch her when ever I feel like it. I was just happy to sleep near my wife again tbh. Now here's the issue. I love her. More then any girl. I'm trying to not make it wierd but after work I usually go to bed, I work graveyard, but I been staying up to when our daughter goes to school. Yes to see my wife to. I can tell its bugs her. Cuz she asked why I'm up the past couple days n I just say I cant sleepbut I'm sure she knows y. Should I just take this as a hey I broke a wall now leave it alone a little bit or what . Just go back to my old routine again? cuz it's been a while since iv been infatuated by her but any advice so I dont mess this up would be great

OP posts:
SequinsandStiIettos · 16/11/2023 19:10

You separated when your child was three.
She's been living with you since March.
You haven't had a romantic relationship in that time.
Last month she's veered between platonic then full on.
She is giving mixed messages regarding your relationship but has actually stated it won't work.
None of this is going to be easy on your five year old child.
She needs to move out.
You need to rebuild your boundaries.

HowAmYa · 16/11/2023 19:18

First reply nailed it.

Thewondererhasreturned · 16/11/2023 20:44

Agree with the first reply this woman is toying with your emotions. As you say its all about whenever she needs the comfort and closeness and none of it is on your terms. Let me tell you If that was a man doing that to a woman he would be out the door. She needs to go this isn't healthy for your child or for your own mental health

YoBeaches · 16/11/2023 21:16

Equally agree with pp. why is she still living with you? She crashes her car hi what else happened that meant she then had no-where to live?

Take your head out of the sexual/romantic vibe and get realistic with having a clesr way of life for your daughter. She will be extremely confused by the way you two are behaving a you are the adults, you need to sort it out.

Yetmorebeanstocount · 16/11/2023 21:32

Agree with the previous - stop thinking about her and start thinking about your child.
You are a father.
You need to prioritise what is best for the long term for your child. That means a stable and clear home situation, with no confusion.

LBFseBrom · 16/11/2023 21:35

When is the next chapter coming?

vodkaredbullgirl · 16/11/2023 21:38

🤔next

Whiskerson · 16/11/2023 21:38

LBFseBrom · 16/11/2023 21:35

When is the next chapter coming?

I thought of Hamish Mancini in Adrian Mole... Anyone else?

Screamingabdabz · 16/11/2023 21:40

Well done to those that deciphered a narrative out of the text-speak! I’m afraid I gave up.

CandyLeBonBon · 16/11/2023 21:45

Mate you sound about 12. So does she! The pair of you need to grow up. And she needs to move out.

BlueEyedPeanut · 16/11/2023 21:55

It's time she left. You are being cruel to your child by letting her get used to this setup when there isn't a relationship between you and your ex.

What does her crashing a car have to do with having nowhere to live anyway?

Pinkbonbon · 16/11/2023 22:09

Sorry but she sounds mentally unwell.

Just pointing out though, you say she came back asking for you to pleasure her and thats odd as shes 'normally a sweet girl'. Do you mean wanting pleasure changes that? Because it doesn't. Women want pleasure too. It doesn't make them bad.

Though benefit of the doubt, perhaps you meant she's not being sweet anymore as she's playing with your emotions.

Complete reach here but is it possible that having a child scared her off sex and being intimate?,If I pushed a baby out of my hooha I'd never want to go near a man again I don't think.

It would explain the push and pull if she likes you that way but is also terrified of winding up pregnant again. Postpartum depression could also be a factor in the behaviour she's displayed since the baby (if it's since then).

Just a thought.

Either way, I don't necessarily think you are doing either of you any favours by staying under the same roof when you still love her. Does she have family that can take her in?

And It sounds like she needs to engage with mental health professionals. Perhaps medication of some sort.

I don't know if she is deliberately playing games or not but...this isn't a healthy relationship for your child to grow up in. Separate and co parent properly. Don't pursue her romantically anymore.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 16/11/2023 22:11

Maybe she is hinting for a fwb relationship.. Never that great for your mh ime. Time to help her house hunt...

DatingDinosaur · 16/11/2023 22:22

She's giving you just enough hope that you could get back together so you don't throw her out.

heartsinvisiblefury · 16/11/2023 22:52

CandyLeBonBon · 16/11/2023 21:45

Mate you sound about 12. So does she! The pair of you need to grow up. And she needs to move out.

You beat me to it

Todaysproblem · 16/11/2023 23:09

She doesn’t want you back, but occasionally gets horny and needs to have her needs met without you thinking it’s anything more than scratching an itch. There, I explained it to you.

QueenBitch666 · 17/11/2023 01:35

Screamingabdabz · 16/11/2023 21:40

Well done to those that deciphered a narrative out of the text-speak! I’m afraid I gave up.

I lost the will to live Grin

StarlightLady · 17/11/2023 06:51

This woman’s point of view:

Use paragraphs and punctuation, then most people may be able to properly digest the content.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 17/11/2023 06:58

I'm confused by her wanting to be pleasured? Do you not normally go down on her?

What does her wanting to get off, have to do with her being sweet?

Women don't normally get off from p in v sex.

Do you not normally do oral sex, or finger her at all?

Epidote · 17/11/2023 07:07

She is messed up and is messing with you.
Up to you if you allow it.

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