Is it possible to get the attraction back?

[Fairweatherrunner2]

Hope this post doesn't come across as silly as I'm feeling at my wit's end and exhausted by it all. I used to feel really attracted to my partner and wanted to be affectionate all the time, more so than him. When COVID hit, he started working from home (which has became permanent) and really stopped looking after himself. He stopped going to the gym and stopped showering regularly, basically sat playing video games and smoking weed whenever he wasn't working.

Fast forward to now and things have got a bit better than they were but still games a lot and smokes whenever he's awake/can. We have had many conversations about his personal hygiene to which he says I am nagging him. He will now shower usually every 2/3 days but even if he hasn't showered for 2 days he will try it on with me. I don't want to say no all the time as he complains I never want to be affectionate / initiate sex but it really puts me off and I feel it's not respecting my boundaries. I feel like I have no attraction towards him or desire to have sex. What can I do in this situation? Have tried speaking to him but the 2/3 days has been as much as he has improved as within lockdown it was a lot worse. Has anyone been in a similar situation and things improved?

He is a drug addict, why would you want to have sex with him? End it.
And saying that you’re nagging is abuse to shut you up.

As a drug addict, you and your needs come way down the list of his priorities.

I have been married for over 30 years and my DH showers twice a day, goes to the gym, swims, cares for me and is always kind and thoughtful.

That is my bar for male behaviour and actions. Why is yours so low?

That is no future for you.

Not showering, not looking after himself, playing video games, smoking in the house etc etc my god that would give me the biggest ICK and no, I would not have him in my house let alone in my bed!!!

Truly truly grim op!!

So what of he complains when you say no? He can have affection and intimacy when he's clean, be very clear on that and stick to your guns. And ignore him if he tells you you're using sex as a weapon to manipulate him. You're simply not attracted to a dirty, stinky person and shouldn't have to force yourself to endure physical contact with him.

Be brutally honest? When he tries it on, tell him no way unless he goes and has a shower. I wouldn't feel bad at all about saying no. Let him know how psychically repulsed you are by his lack of personal hygiene. He has choices to make.

physically

No idea where that weird spelling came from! 🤣

So he is a drug addict who stinks, and you are wondering why you don't want to have sex with him?

You have to tell him the truth. You don’t want sex with him as he is not clean and he needs to shower every day. He must stink of weed for a start and that is really unpleasant.

Sorry to say also, your home must smell bad if he is smoking so much. Do you have children? What about when people visit? You don’t obviously don’t want to live like that.

Stop having sex with him until he sorts his hygiene out.

If you keep having sex with him when you're grossed out, it's no wonder you're losing attraction. And it shows your so-called boundaries don't exist.

Have some boundaries. "No, I won't shag an unwashed stinking sack of shite" is a perfectly acceptable boundary to have. If he doesn't like it, he can either wash or go without sex.

In the bigger picture, are you sure this is the right relationship for you?

I knew he smoked weed from the beginning but it's got a lot worse and I think I've just realised how disgusting it is and being fed up with the smell of it. Plus the hygiene issues on top, I feel like I'm living with a teenager and I'm his mother who is telling him off. No surprise that I don't feel attracted to him as many of you say and I really feel embarrassed about it as my house probably does stink of it too.

@PlayOasis yes I have told him all this but it's been disregarded. We.dont have kids luckily, that's a big thing on my mind with the seed smoking

@category12 you're totally right. I'm saying he doesn't respect my boundaries but obviously I haven't respected them either by not enforcing.