Husband messaging another woman on snapchat

[Newbeginnings23]

Hello,

just to first give a bit of background. I’ve been with my husband 18 years and 5 kids together.

we separated late last year due to domestic violence towards me, however after a short separation we got back together and things have been good.

when we were separated it came up that he had been messaging a girl he went to school with. And I expressed that I didn’t like that and would prefer if that stopped.

recently my husband has been more withdrawn than usual. He’s stopped messaging and calling me during the day and generally just not as attentive. Hadn’t thought much of it until tonight.

he has fallen asleep putting our little one to bed, I know I shouldn’t have but something told me to check his phone. Well he’s been messaging the same woman from school, because it’s Snapchat the messages delete but it does show they were messaging last night (while I was in bed and he was downstairs) and then she has messaged him this morning asking how his knee is?! (Nothing wrong with his knee as far as I’m aware). So to me it seems like they are messaging quite frequently and it’s how’s that they are good friends on Snapchat.

I feel really betrayed and hurt m. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable but I’m laying in bed next to him and I just can’t sleep.

If I'm honestly I see that as cheating as he's messaging another women behind Ur back I wud be going mentalk if my boyfriend was doing that to me , have you tried to ask him about it?

You got back together after he assaulted you?

He’s sleeping at moment. I wanted time to gather my thoughts and to make sure I’m not being irrational x

Yes I did

My ex husband use to assult me once I left I left and never looked back I let him see his daughters but that's it!

I’m glad you left him. He assaulted me the once it was not a repeat offence and had not assaulted me since. I one time is too many but did not have the strength so it would turn out to remain on my own m.

@Newbeginnings23 sorry to hear how you're feeling. I definitely think you need to bring it up with him... dont suffer in silence, youre in a marriage at the end of the day and he needs to respect that. One other thing re the dom abuse, its not my place to say but one thing i learnt was never to let them know what your weakness is (eg if he knows you're scared of doing it/being alone), it gives some men a pass to do what they like, because they know you wont go anywhere. This is not to say dont share things with your partner, of course thats important for a healthy relationship, but im sure you understand what im trying to get at x

@Newbeginnings23, you gave him a second chance after the DV, but he is throwing it back in your face.

Although you expressed your discomfort about this OW, he is still investing in her in secret while being less invested in you. They’ve been building an illicit intimate relationship. It is telling that they are messaging late at night and early morning, which is a ‘coupley’ thing to do.

@Newbeginnings23, you’ve been in a false reconciliation. He’s a cake eater who is abusing your trust and having an emotional affair, at the very least.

Infidelity + a history of violence. This marriage needs to end. Show him the door and don’t fall for his gaslighting, blame shifting, or any other manipulations.