Doomed relationship or Pregnancy hormones?

[Newtotheforums]

DP (M 35) and I (F 30) have been together for almost 2 and half years, I am 20 weeks pregnant and we are two weeks away from moving cities (4 hours drive from where we currently live) to a house we have just purchased in a city closer to his family.

The pregnancy has been fine so far, the baby is healthy and so am I. DP has been extremely supportive, doing all of the cooking and attempting to clean. He has been understanding about my low sex drive and hasn’t complained about the fact that I am too tired to do anything after work.

For background information, I have a history of anxiety and depression and normally take medication, I have come off the medication while I am pregnant mostly because it made the morning sickness 100 times worse. I have been off the medication for 2 months now.

I just feel like I feel nothing towards DP, I have zero sex drive, and at times I just feel like it would be easier if I just had the baby by myself. I have no concerns about his ability to be a father or provide for our family, I just feel like I am questioning if I picked the right person for me. I don’t feel head over heels and excited to be starting a family together, i just want to run away and be by myself.

Is this something that other people have experienced? Will it get better once the baby has arrived? I am planning on going back on my medication once I have given birth.

I read somewhere that you shouldn’t make any big life decisions (such as a breakup) during the first year of having a baby, as you’re sleep deprived and hormonal etc etc. I think it also applies to pregnancy too as your hormones at this point are ramping up and can make you feel different. Especially if you’re no longer on medication that you need.
I think mixed in with a house move, which is one of the other most stressful things to do, it’s no wonder you’re not feeling like sex etc.
I personally don’t think you should make a big decision about your relationship just yet. Get settled into your new house, have your baby and see what a wonderful dad your husband can be and get back on your medication if needed. You might find that seeing your partner be a dad makes you feel so much more in love with him again.

I was miserable while pregnant. To be honest I never felt like this but definitely had prenatal depression quite badly. I was just overwhelmed I think, I loved my boyfriend/husband but didn’t feel ready to be a mother. I think probably go to GP. You can take meds while pregnant or I was prescribed then anyway.

also we moved while pregnant - abroad actually: it’s a tough time moving as well.

@Richie23 I think you are probably right, it just feels like I have made some quite significant commitments to someone who I am now feeling meh about. I think I am also not taking into consideration just how stressful purchasing a house and then moving cities is. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I think I just need to be patient and like you said not make any big decisions when I have so many other things going on.

@FaiIureToLunch I am glad to hear I am not the only one, it just feels like it should be the happiest time in my life and it disappointingly isn't. I defintiely resonate with feeling overwhelmed! I have to register with a new GP after the move so once I have done that I might book an appointment and re-visit my medication. I hope things settled down for you once your baby was born x

@Newtotheforums

he is 15 😱 and a fabulous kid
we are still very happily married

it is only with hindsight that I realise I was simply overwhelmed. As long as your partner is treating you well and you trust that he continues to do so, you probably just need to adjust psychologically.

Yes, I would agree that your feelings are typical of what many mothers/soon to be mothers experience. I certainly felt that myself. Having brought my son up alone, I really hope that you continue to care and share the upbringing of your baby and create a happy family unit for all. Your partner seems a really nice guy.
It is normal to feel confused and overwhelmed and too tired/disinterested for sex. Be warned, that is likely to continue after your baby is born. Wishing you a happy future together

at one point in my pregnancy I'm pretty sure I told my husband I didn't like him...he didn't do anything, I don't remember why I said it, maybe he was breathing in my direction and it annoyed me...

anyway, I did like him, I was just hormonal and upset because I felt like murdering someone and I couldn't meet this pregnancy craving

I was a bit murderous after giving birth and then it went back to normal - hormones can surely mess up our heads!

@Newtotheforums hiw are you doing OP?

Don't let the fairytales that you'll be swimming in happiness because a baby is on the way/has arrived make you feel something is wrong.
The rollercoaster of life can be just as if not more prevalent when babies are in the frame. It's no wonder you're primary relationship is taking a battering in the situation you describe.
It doesn't mean anything is wrong necessarily though it's good to examine the question as always.
But this just sounds like you need to find your peace and support where you can and accept that your pregnancy is going to run alongside big life upheaval and changes to meds and mood.
It doesn't mean your baby is less wanted, your life lesser than anyone's else's. Stay off any social media that parades the illusion of perfect motherhood etc.
Bide your time, your family likely will be an interesting journey and much source of challenge and joy as they all are..

Hi @FaiIureToLunch thanks for checking in! I had my beautiful baby girl this week all went well and we are settling into family life. Since giving birth I have been more in love with my partner than ever, having him support me through the experience of labour and watching him become a father has been so affirming and reassuring for me.
Although I am a while off from being ready to resume our sex life at least now it is something that I know I still want.
Crazy what pregnancy hormones can do to a person!

@PaintedEgg the murderous feelings were definitely present for me in the last month of my pregnancy fortunately/unfortunately they were directed at my coworkers haha