How deal with this stupid conflict

[Triste1992]

Just as a background, I am sensitive to light, I always need to dim the lights at night some time before sleep knowing also that its the healthy thing to do for our circadian cycles and I absolutely hate LED lights. And my husband knows it.

We have 2 light fixtures in our main bathroom. We always used one as the other one is oriented towards the floor and the bulb light gets in the eyes.

Suddenly husband decided that he wants more light. He put a LED light into that second fixture. I explained him my problem and asked to unscrew the bulb when not in use. Another solution was to add more bulbs of warm light into the main fixture, but for some reason he didnt do it.

So yesterday, husband bought a HUGE LED bulb, Im not exagerrating, it is HUGE. It was for the shower he has in the basement that he uses himself only. For some reason, it didnt fit there, so he put in our main bathroom. Imagine my surprise when this lights up at 1 am when Im going to sleep.

I asked him to remove it. He said that all I have to do is not to switch it on, except that the 2 switches are next to each other and nobody knows which one is which (its an old type of switch and its confusing) and for sure, me and the kids will occasinally get blinded by this ugly bulb. I dont even mention that we have a coastal style bathroom and a huge LED with a fan just doesnt look good inside a wooden lampshade.

The husband wont budge. We had a huge fight and he said that the bulb stays, thats it, thats all. That I just have to put my ego to sleep and move on.

I dont know what to do. And by curiousity, is it ok to add something in the house that the other partner really dislikes?

Take it out yourself, break and bin it, if it's that annoying.

It will create an even worse problem. He will throw away something that is mine.

Work out which switch it is and label it.

I think that if you live together, you have to compromise about decor and what you have in the house - so not everything might be to your taste and you might tolerate different lighting preferences or whatnot.

I suppose it's what the rest of the relationship looks like and whether it goes both ways.

Would he kick off if you changed the lighting in another room or brought home something he didn't like?

If it's all his way, and you don't get to ever "win" where your tastes don't match, then you've got to wonder whether there's a healthy dynamic between you.

If sometimes it's your taste that "wins" and sometimes his, then that sounds reasonable.

I don't like the idea that he would break something if yours if you chucked out the light. You really think he's that sort of person?

I mean...if he's cool with you not being able to sleep then he probably is a knob tbf but I mean, that's all we have to go on.

Personally, I'd get up at night and leave the bedroom door open and go use that light in the bathroom. Once you've done that a few times he'll probably decide to change it himself.

I would think that this is really the thin end of the wedge. Such behaviour from him is unacceptable not just to say controlling and therefore abusive if he were to throw one of your items out if you were to break this led lamp he’s put in.

What is your relationship like with him day to day?. Is it all his way or no way as far as he is concerned, does he dictate the mood of your household?.

If this is really how he would react and he won’t understand your point of view if you calmly raise an issue then a light bulb is the least of your problems. Is he like this about other things?

He sounds controlling. It’s nothing to do with your ego and everything to do with your comfort and ability to sleep peacefully. Sounds like he doesn’t care a bit about these things. Is he selfish and inconsiderate in general? Could be a weird power play attempt.

Buy a new lightbulb and screw it in.

I think he's done this deliberately, knowing you would hate it.

You say he'd break something of yours - has he done that before?

He's not coming across well here.

Go and sleep in a spare room and have the lighting for your specific needs.

He's not coming across well here.

This.

An update: He did remove the damned bulb and said that he will buy one that gets controlled with a little chain which is more acceptable to me. Looks like hes working on being a better husband as yes, in the past, he would do everything to win, nothing was off limits. Thank you everyone for your responses.

So you know what's gonna happen now don't you?

He's going to do something much worse. Something hurtful af. And when you call him on him 'not understanding' (he does understand btw) how hurtful it is, he's going to refer back to this light bulb and how he changed it for you. And how you are always creating drama/oversensitive and he has to change to accommodate you all the time. How he's always changing for you and tolerating your drama. How you're a 'nag'.

It's coming.

You say he always needed to win. Honey he still does. He's just more underhanded about it.

Why stay with someone who sees you as competition to be destroyed?

That's not a partner. It's an enemy.

Looks like hes working on being a better husband as yes, in the past, he would do everything to win, nothing was off limits

Wow. Is this really good news to you? That your husband is decent enough these days to let you have a light bulb that doesn't upset you?

I think the lightbulb is a symptom, not the problem itself. Your relationship sounds unhealthy.