How do you manage your time/house chores whilst working full time? Any tips?

[Memyself212]

So I work full time but it's more of a hybrid job which requires me travelling 2-3 days a week and 2 days working from home. I am newly married and love spending time with my husband especially my evenings and weekends. However, I still cannot get my time management sorted in terms of domestic house chores cooking, cleaning and mainly the ironing etc. Any tips?

Do you guys wake up early to get these things done e.g. cooking before work or what? Please give me some advice.

I want to continue working after having a baby too and me and my husband are thinking about childcare but I am still conscious how to manage my time and 'have it all' really. I need to get my time management 'locked in' before I have a baby.

I really love working so please dont say to leave my job. My husband helps me around too around the house but like I said I cant get my time management sorted.

Maybe its the newly wedding feeling :)

Washing on timer overnight so done in morning to dry. Batch cook weekday meals - we actually still get our mums to do some of the batch cooking for us. They don’t live near but are both retired so this is our ‘help’ from them. Only iron selective bits. Have set times do do things so I don’t think when will I do it e.g. I put washing away at about 6.30 after dinner when DH is entertaining the kids. Learn Marie Kondo methods as this saves space/time. Have a shared list of ‘big’ tasks on your phone that don’t need doing as frequently and review together each week - things like cleaning fridge, window cleaning v DIY projects, de cluttering sessions, garage tidying.

Stop thinking of it as your husband helping you out, he is not doing you a favour as half of the mess is his.

ditch the ironing it’s a huge waste of time, this will also save you some money.

as far as food goes every time you cook do a couple of extra portions for the freezer.

Single parent working 50 hours a week and kids with me full time. Honestly, just wing it everyday, do what you can do, then collapse into bed at night before you repeat it all.

And hire a cleaner.

I work four days and DP works full time - he also travels a lot for work. We have set chores we do. I look after all laundry, the bathroom, and dusting/polishing. DP hoovers/mops, does the bins and recycling, and gardening. We split cooking fairly equally, although some weeks he does more and others I do depending on what we eat. The kitchen gets wiped down every night by whoever didn’t cook, and I sweep the floor (mainly because we have a very hairy cat and I feel like it needs done daily while DP would be happy to leave it longer).

Housework is our biggest source of conflict tbh. DP is very lazy (but has lots of other very good qualities!) and his attitude is that as long as it gets done eventually, that’s fine, and it generally ends up with him running round with the hoover at 10pm on a Sunday which I hate.

He's needs to be doing as much as you do and not just leave it for you to do while he does a few token things each week.

My only tip would be - whoever is cooking, where possible, make twice as much as you’ll eat that night. Either freeze the other half or eat it the next night. I never mind eating the same thing two nights in a row, but I get that others feel differently. It generally doesn’t take double the time to make double the amount.

I’ve thought of another tip - the 30 minute roasting tin book. These recipes are easy and so many of them taste fantastic. Minimal prep, and then you just shove it in the oven to cook, which means that you can get on with something else whilst it is cooking, whether that’s having a shower, a drink or whatever. You don’t have to stand over it like tin sometimes do with a pan on the hob.

You said your husband helps you around the house...

It's a shared home and you both work full time. It should be joint ownership of chores, not him helping you.

“My husband helps me around too around the house but like I said I cant get my time management sorted.

It's not "helping" - half the housework is his responsibility.

Of course you shouldn't leave your job to do more housework, I don't know who would recommend that apart from some 1950s stereotype.

You should discuss what needs doing with your husband and divide it up by preference or straight down the line half and half.

You'd be daft not to, if you intend having children. Get the 50/50 split going now, and continue it.”

This. Honestly, OP - it’s really worrying that you see the housework as your job with which your DH might help. Please change that thinking immediately - it’s so wrong. How could you even imagine people would tell you to quit your job so you can do the housework!?

Also don’t run yourselves ragged - if you both work, perhaps you could pay for a weekly cleaner who can do ironing as well etc.

Word of warning, where the division in labour/household chores starts to become apparent (at least in mine and for a lot of my friends) was maternity leave. They get used to you being home, doing jobs, they get comfortable and then it doesn’t really get better when you are back full time. I wish I had known this.

More than 30 years ago, we decided our time investment in the relationship would be equal. I took on shopping, cooking, doing the washing and changing the bed. I like cooking. DH took on lightbulbs, outside paintwork, bins, removing cat gifts. We share the dishwasher.

@RosesAndHellebores is this some kind of joke?

In your working situation, I'd get a cleaner, and outsource some of the ironing and laundrette for the bedding. Please don't worry about overloading your life with commitments.
I can't believe some have suggested an app equivalent to a spreadsheet for chores.

That's what I thought!

OP your post is raising red flags. Your dh sounds like a waste of space. You need to get this sorted before you have dc.

I've been married for 30 years and we split housework absolutely 50:50. It occurred to me the other day that I have no idea how to empty the tumble dryer or the hoover as DH does those jobs. I never change the beds as DH does that. There are jobs that I do and he doesn't. We also have a cleaner for 2 hours per week.

That will all change next year when DH drops down to working 3 days per week. He will pick up more of the housework and we'll stop having a cleaner. But we talk about what tasks need doing and we make sure we are being fair.

I stopped ironing. Have a handheld steamer for anything that needs it. I change beds fortnightly, hoovering, bathroom, dusting gets done once a week. Bins are done during the week. Shop weekly - pretty good at not needing top ups by meal planning. Do a lot of double cooking so you can either eat half the next night or freeze so you have some stuff frozen for next week. Though when I have kids at home, I cook nightly. I have a tumble dryer as it’s the fastest way to get through a lot of washing, when you don’t have time in the week.

I make it clear that if anyone wants detailing or deep cleans, they need to pay for a cleaner. Kids as they got to teens, do their own rooms, beds and clothes and in return I don’t enter their space or bag them.

Seems to work.

Goodness. My Mum got married in the 60s and my Dad was not expected to ‘help out’ but to pull his weight. You need to sit down with DH, discuss this and divide the chores out equally.

Is your DH worrying about all this domestic management and planning too? Sounds like a stressful way to live.

When we both worked in offices we had a cleaner and split the rest of the chores on a Sunday. This included batch cooking and freezing meals.

Now we both wfh we don't have the cleaner anymore (although I'm reconsidering this).

Still split chores on a Sunday. Tend to put dinner in the slow cooker in the morning. Lunchtime we might put a washing on or run round with the hoover.

We are relaxed and as long as the house is clean it doesn't need to lol like a show home. So we aren't rigid about it.

Spot on.

Echoing “get a cleaner”, but also perhaps use an ironing service? If it’s a struggle now, you’ll find it a much bigger challenge once there’s a baby in the mix. And yes, rethink the ingrained programming around the idea that his contribution to the running of the household is “help”; in reality that is simply him behaving like a functioning responsible adult.

Can I assume that your DH is also worrying about managing his time around housework, cooking etc? And if not, why not?

This isn't 1950, and housework, childcare, cooking, life admin are not women's jobs. They are jobs for any adults living in the house. Please tell me you don't have a sexist pig of a husband, who thinks that because he has a penis housework isn't his job??!! I'm decades older than you, and it wouldn't occur to my DH not to share chores equally.

The only time that the division of chores should be unequal is if one partner is doing less paid work than the other. So if one of you works 40 hours, and one works 30 hours, the PT worker can expect to do an additional 10 hours of work in the home. The outcome should be that you both get the same amount of 'down' time (for hobbies / socialising / resting).

Housework is not your job. If your DH does housework he is not helping you. It is an equal job, that belongs to both of you.

In aswer to your question, me and DH work the same hours in our paid work, so we simply divide up the house and garden jobs equally. In the week when we're working, it's mostly about cooking / pots / keeping things basically tidy / putting a wash in / doing the foodshop. All equally shared.

Come the weekend, we look at the jobs list, and divide it up, deciding who does what. Ensuring we don't have a situation where one person is sat reading / out doing a hobby while the other spends a weekend working.

If your DH doesn't think housework is his job, you have a big problem.

Your husband "helps" you. Arghhhhhh if I hear this one more time I'll self combust. Its his house too you are not the maid. It's 2023 not 1823.
If one person doesn't pull their weight then the house will be a mess.
I live on my own these days and my house is still a mess despite being at work long hours. I dont know how this happens.
I've worked out it will only stay tidy if I wash up after dinner every day and tidy the kitchen, hang clothes up instead of having a floordrobe and put things away after I use them.
I dont clean at weekends because I am too busy meeting friends and doing my hobbies so I hoover and mop floors on Friday after work and clean the bathroom mid week.
I,ll do a big clean around once every 2 months on a weekend where I haven't got much on.
As for cooking I have a two drawer air fryer and the whole dinner goes in there on baking paper trays. No fuss, no mess and half the cooking time.
I do the food shopping on Monday after work. It doesn't take long.
My house admin and paperwork is organised down to microscopic level with one spreadsheets and direct debits so it takes care of itself.
All policy renewal dates are on the spreadsheets so I always know when they are due. I deal with everything the same day I get the letter or something like car tax is due.
Mind you despite my system sometimes I let it all go to hell and the house is a tip but not often.

If you are doing it all you will end up resenting him. If he lived alone he would do all of it. He should be doing 50% of the stuff that needs to be done. Cleaning the car once a month isn’t 50%.

I promise you you can’t do 100% of the housework, baby and work full time. Not without something giving - probably your feelings towards the man who puts arse grooves in your sofa whilst watching the lady he purportedly loves work herself into an early grave.

pre baby is the time to get it set up as you mean to go on. If he prefers arse grooving to doing his fair share I would not entertain having a child.

My advice is focus 100% on your career. Earn as much as possible so you (and any future kids you have) can rely financially on you alone. Then if arsegroove has a midlife crisis - complaining you ‘don’t have time for him’ (as you run around being frazzled) you can wave him into the distance and have a lively life without him. Do not get into a clean up after him mentality, it’s okay when you are still in the honeymoon period but you are suggesting it’s your job to do it all which is the start of a miserable life ahead.

Cooking - I have a multi cooker (Ninja) so everything is done in the airfryer/ pressure cooker or steamer and takes around 20mins. I do meal plan to make sure I take out the meat from the freezer the day before.

Cleaning - I polish every couple of weeks, DH vacuums. Kitchen is wiped done every night and the bathrooms are done once a week.

Laundry - we both do it every other day whenever the basket is full. No ironing.

Keep on top of the tidiness, I have a quick tidy after dinner every evening and everything looks neat.

This. I can’t believe in 2023 some women still labour under the delusion that housework is still their responsibility because they have a vagina.

I’ve seen some posts that it’s always the mother who takes DC’s to buy school shoes and clothes - the mother either believes only they can do this properly or that the fathers don’t know enough about their DC’s lives. Very odd and out of date idea imo.

Get a cleaner - on top of the basic clean, mine changes the bed and does some of the ironing, which helps a lot

Use a recipe box service like Gousto - saves so much time and energy and reduces waste

In the morning, I do things like unload the dishwasher and put a load of washing on (with a timer set so it's just finished when I get home, so I can hang it right away)

So, apart from basic cleaning up / loading the dishwasher after meals, loading and unloading the washing machine, hanging out the washing, and a bit of ironing, I don't really have any housework to do!

@RosesAndHellebores Your post reminds me of research that shows that men are much more likely to be allocated / allocate to themselves tasks which are less frequent and less time-sensitive than women. As an example, cooking dinner happens every day and has to be done that day, it can't be postponed to the weekend or everyone goes hungry. Whereas a lightbulb only needs replacing once in a blue moon, and if you're having a busy day can probably wait until the weekend.

So, as well as women on average being responsible on more tasks numerically, they also are responsible for tasks which are more demanding.

That isn't fair.