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Relationships

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Original poster

Mortgage finances and marriage

16 replies

Sameolda09 · 15/11/2023 14:41

Dp and I have been together for several years and have 1DC together.
I have been on mat leave and returned to work part time a few weeks ago.
I'm not on the mortgage, he bought the house years before he met me. I was paying rent for the first few years of living with him but stopped since going on mat leave. We spoke about marriage and he's not opposed to it but said he wanted to do it properly and doesn't have the money to do it right now.
I feel like I should at least start contributing towards bills as I am working again now but that leaves me without any protection or savings. Putting me on the mortgage is not an option for a couple more years from what I understood as it would require remortgaging.
What else can I do to protect myself, should I just tell him that I'm only paying half the bills until we are marriad or he puts me on the mortgage?

OP posts:

Aprilx · 15/11/2023 14:57

Just for clarity, it is the deeds you want to be put on, not the mortgage! The two often go hand in hand but they don’t have to and you really need to separate your thinking in this matter. There is a house, an asset, whose ownership is reflected via the deeds. And then there is a mortgage, a big bank loan that paid for the house. Two separate things.

If you are to be added to the deeds and the mortgage, no it doesn’t necessarily need to be a new mortgage although it could be. But the mortgage provider might agree to add you onto the existing mortgage, although they won’t do this without doing the usual checks as if it were a new application. But generally they are agreeable to this as two people on a mortgage are better than one. Your partner could just ask if they would consider this.

Regardless, as you are now working, I do think you ought to be contributing to general bills even if not paying a share of the mortgage.

Whataretheodds · 15/11/2023 15:02

You have no stake in that property. Either he puts you on 50/50 or you ensure your pay is channelled into your pension and savings first, then a contribution to bills. Presumably you're only part time to allow you to care for the child you've had together on other days? Who pays childcare when you work?

How have you split baby expenses?

category12 · 15/11/2023 15:05

Would contributing have to mean having nothing left of your own? Surely there's a middle ground where you are perhaps paying in proportion to what you earn and have something left over?

I wouldn't feel bad about him supporting you whilst you had your child - it's his family you're building together, his responsibility too.

How are childcare costs and expenses for your child handled?

Whataretheodds · 15/11/2023 15:10

Also I'm inclined to think the wanting to do it "properly" is nonsense. You live together, you've had a child together. You could go to the registry office within weeks and follow up with a big party (if desired)

Whataretheodds · 15/11/2023 15:17

Regardless, as you are now working, I do think you ought to be contributing to general bills even if not paying a share of the mortgage.
OP is caring for their shared child for free at least some of the week so her partner can work

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 15/11/2023 15:26

Unmarried but paying does not give you access to the home asset.
So as above, top up your savings and pension.
A registry wedding is a proper wedding and if done midweek is cheap.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/11/2023 15:34

It is quite a straight forward process for your name to be added to a mortgage and this would not require remortgaging. I sincerely hope I am wrong here but I do not get the impression he has any intention of marrying you or putting your name on his mortgage. Does your child have his surname too?.

Calmdown14 · 15/11/2023 16:10

In your position being married is more important than any party. I would put it to him that way.

Loads of people who get married abroad have a quiet registry office for the legal bit. It doesn't prevent you having a big bash at some point in the future. You don't even have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

But if he won't do this then you need savings in your name and preferably to work full time

JIMMI85 · 15/11/2023 18:00

Do you want to get married for love or for financial security?

LittleOwl153 · 15/11/2023 18:11

As it would appear to me he does not want to give you the security of marriage even though you have impacted your career by having a child I would...

Not pay anything towards the house/mortgage or its maintenance.

Pay for only half the week's childcare. If you work 2.5days or less then the remaining childcare bill is his.

Use your salary to top up your pension for the time you were on reduced pay in the first instance,

ensure you have a good savings pot behind you enough to rent a house if need be (3 months rent+deposit at least)

THEN

I would offer to pay bills only utilities, broadband etc based on an earnings split not 50/50 unless you earn as much as he does even being part time.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/11/2023 18:40

Have a registry office wedding.

Or keep your salary and save it to protect yourself.

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 15/11/2023 21:25

Can't believe some of the comments about not offering to pay him anything for bills or rent or being put on the mortgage right away.

If this was a man and the women owned the jouse everyone would be saying its your asset you bought it don't let him do anything he's a COCK LODGER.

Her dp bought the house years ago just because she has had his kid doesn't mean she is entitled to his house!!.

RantyAnty · 15/11/2023 22:10

I'd insist on a wedding sooner than later. Book in the registry.

category12 · 15/11/2023 22:21

What else can I do to protect myself, should I just tell him that I'm only paying half the bills until we are marriad or he puts me on the mortgage?

To be honest, the best thing you can do to protect yourself is go back to work full-time, if you're not getting married. Because you're sacrificing your salary and pension contributions so you're not only living on a reduced income now, but potentially in your old age too.

babyproblems · 15/11/2023 22:25

Whataretheodds · 15/11/2023 15:10

This.
And he should put you on the deeds immediately. And I hope is is supporting baby! Why shouldn’t he support you 100% for the time being? You’ve just grown his baby 100% of the time for 9 months and then 100% birthed it. Start now as you mean to carry on - equally. That means him (and you) valuing your contribution as equal and valid and enough; your contributions to the relationship are about more than money. Congratulations on your baby! xo

MissAtomicBomb1 · 15/11/2023 22:45

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 15/11/2023 21:25

Can't believe some of the comments about not offering to pay him anything for bills or rent or being put on the mortgage right away.

If this was a man and the women owned the jouse everyone would be saying its your asset you bought it don't let him do anything he's a COCK LODGER.

Her dp bought the house years ago just because she has had his kid doesn't mean she is entitled to his house!!.

Yeah but in a reverse cocklodger situation it's unlikely a man would have given birth(!), taken maternity leave and reduced their hours to care for said child, all impacting on their pension contributions and earning potential.
This is the pertinent point in the OP's post. She's not wanting to sponge off her partner but she wants some financial stability as giving birth to his child has put her in a vulnerable position.

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