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Original poster

Should i question this?

11 replies

surlynot · 15/11/2023 10:33

Ive been with my partner for 4 years. It has been a great, fun, loving relationship. However, when i was 6 pregnant i found out he was trying to meet up with this woman (an ex of his friend) they had been trying to meet for months but never got round to it for some reason. I spoke to this woman, she was completely unaware of my existence and our unborn child and was very apologetic, and that was the end of that. My partner assured me it was just friendship based and nothing sexual, just a new friend! (She didn't see it that way). He begged me to stay which i did as being 6 months pregnant i felt incredibly vulnerable and didn't want to break apart my family.

Anyway fast-forward to today (1.5yrs on) and he has made a comment that has got me thinking...he said 'guys aren't friends with women, and if they are trying to be its only because they wanna fuck them'. So...he's just dug himself a massive hole hasn't he? Contradicted himself massively and hasn't even realised....

so do i confront him about this? Do i even bother seeing as it was a while ago now?

Any opinion/advice would be great! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
surlynot · 15/11/2023 10:35

*Just to add he is the type of person that if you bring something up or mention something he dose not like or agree with he will instantly put his back up and get into a grump and wont talk to me lol so if it worth the silent treatment?

OP posts:
dingstein · 15/11/2023 10:49

18 months isn't that long. He's lied, plus he sulks. Weigh up your options OP

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/11/2023 10:53

He sounds a joy. An untrustworthy joy at that…. If you are going to stay, keep your eyes open op.

Mari9999 · 15/11/2023 11:27

@surlynot
Do you a plan in place for what you are going to do, once you bring it up? What would be your purpose in bringing it up?

Assume that you remind of his previous action and his recent statement, according to your description that he will deny and become hostile and annoyed. What are you planning to do at that point?

With no action plan in place, you are just adding hostility to a situation , with no plan for resolution in place.

Original poster
surlynot · 15/11/2023 11:33

@Mari9999 thank you for your post. What would you suggest plan wise? I havent really thought past the point of him probably being a grump all evening and me trying to resolve my upsetting him. How do you think i should go about it?

OP posts:
Watchthedoormat · 15/11/2023 11:34

I'd of brought his dalliance up straight away.
Enjoy watching him squirm.
What a loser.

Consideringachange2023 · 15/11/2023 11:38

Look OP, he was trying to cheat on you.
you know that, he knows that.

You chose to forgive and move on, what he has said is somewhat irrelevant because you knew at the time he wasn’t just trying to be her friend (as she confirmed).

If you don’t trust him then think about ending the relationship. If you do trust him now (although he sounds dubious) then try to look past his statement as there is no value in bringing it up - it’s either going to cause a row or he’s going to end up admitting that yes he did want to shag her and then you’re going to have to either forgive him again (and now that’s twice he’s mugged you off) or you’re going to have to leave him because now he’s admitted it.

If you ignore red flags at the time there really is no point trying to score points later down the line. Either trust him or don’t (I wouldn’t based on what you’ve said)

Inthegrotto · 15/11/2023 11:40

Watchthedoormat · 15/11/2023 11:34

I'd of brought his dalliance up straight away.
Enjoy watching him squirm.
What a loser.

I think I would, too.

He at least needs to explain the inconsistencies in his reasoning.

How common it is for men to find new female 'friendships' when their partners are pregnant.

Original poster
surlynot · 15/11/2023 11:53

Thank you for all your reply's.

It's not so much the fact of i in my heart knew he wanted to meet her for sex. It's the fact he had lied to me at the time...even through his begging and pleading he just couldn't be completely honest at the time. I think if he came out with the fact that he wanted a sexual relationship with this woman it would hurt a hell of a-lot.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 15/11/2023 12:22

@surlynot
If you have resolved to move past what happened, then it needs to stay in the past. You know exactly what he wanted from the woman. No amount of denial will change that, but you stayed. Staying was your solution to the problem when it occurred

Going forward, your decision needs to be about what you will do when or if this happens again. That is a decision that only you can make.

ReadySalty · 15/11/2023 12:24

Don't bother confronting him, he won't admit it.

Your intelligence and intuition are correct. If you can start palming your exit strategy you can have a dickhead free future.

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