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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did I go psycho?

17 replies

Jbrum · 14/11/2023 22:40

broke up with my ex 7 weeks ago. It was really sudden. It all started when we had some disagreements regularly. But I always felt I caught the blame. For example, it was his sisters birthday, she introduced the group round the area but didn’t introduce me. I said to him at the end of the night I found that a bit rude, he then walked off said “every night out you argue. It’s so tiring. Why do you create this nonsense. And walked off and said “I think you should pack your bags this weekend and go home” I was shocked because he never spoke to me this way before. I was really hurt by this when he said it but we moved on by the morning.

later on we went on a holiday and there was an issue I had. A woman from his work kept texting him. I just got really upset by it and said I felt a breach of trust. We’re on holiday. Why is she bothering us? I had quite a big argument with him about it and said. There were things that made me question my trust at other times and this made it worse for me. I had to walk out of a shop because I became really overwhelmed with him. In the end I just accepted it, and decided that it was pretty much something I was making a fuss over.

I then said I kept having awful dreams of the break up. Which then had started a floodgate and he said “well actually I feel more like myself with my mates than with you” bare in mind we’d been together 6 years so it was a long relationship. Not a quick one and they have ups and downs.

I also blame myself because I told him we’d been in a long distance for 6 years and if by the end of next year things didn’t change I’d have to reconsider. But I just felt like I couldn’t keep putting myself through the pain of being so far all the time and not feeling like I saw the end in sight for us.

in the end he broke it off. And was really brutal with it. The conversations between us became more dry when we got back off holiday. He wouldn’t say he loved me and eventually just became really cold with me. In the end I went to visit him, because the conversation went totally dry, and something felt off. So I took the day off and decoded to stop torturing myself and go to talk and he barely even made eye contact and just said it was over. Promised he’d meet me on the Sunday but then said he didn’t want to give false hope. So I kept ringing him, I know I shouldn’t have but in the moment because my life felt like it crashed down I rang at least 15 times. He just wouldn’t talk, I felt like I didn’t even know him and he just kept ignoring me like I was irrelevant. I texted his mum and her response was just “I’m so sorry he feels it’s better for you if you don’t meet up. He’s said all he feels he needs to. Look after yourself” that’s it, after 5 years. I just broke.

then suddenly I looked at his social media and there’s a picture of a woman as his display image. Evidently showing he’s moved on in 7 weeks. My family told me I shouldn’t blame myself as I always say it’s all my fault. I pushed him away. I went crazy.

OP posts:
greatsatsuma · 14/11/2023 22:45

Sounds like he met her before he broke up with you and was doing his best to find excuses to dump you. Sounds like he was having an affair for some time OP. Sorry.

CharlotteRose90 · 14/11/2023 22:53

I don’t think you went psycho but I don’t believe you’re ready for a relationship. Sounds like things he does trigger you and until you get to the bottom of it it will keep happening. Delete his number and his mums and start doing things for you.

Jbrum · 14/11/2023 22:54

I did. I decided it was over the day he had no decency to even talk.

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Jbrum · 14/11/2023 22:54

Tbh. I thought that anyway. I just would rather he admitted it.

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Jbrum · 14/11/2023 22:59

Also the display image of the female is super bloody weird. It’s literally a woman with a towel on her hair and a tissue up her nose. Honestly made no sense to me but I don’t even know if I have the energy to make sense of it. Or care to.

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RantyAnty · 15/11/2023 00:55

It's difficult right now but he was a time waster and a crap boyfriend.

Block him everywhere.

Jbrum · 15/11/2023 18:54

I know it’ll take time but I agree

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Hibambinos · 15/11/2023 19:02

Block him, block his family, block his friends - stop cyber stalking . It’s ok. Cry and eat ice cream, then get yourself a makeover and some new clothes. It’s time to move on from this moron. I found the best way was to keep busy and start a self improvement journey.
good luck OP. You’ll be fine.

samestyle · 15/11/2023 19:05

It's easy to blame yourself when there no real evidence but you didn't feel loved and that he was going cold on you, it's best for you it ended. I think sometimes it's best not knowing the nitty gritty details, just think of it as running it's course, don't overthink and try to move on (don't keep checking his social media) he will of course make out he's living his best life.

fuckssaaaaake · 15/11/2023 19:20

Jbrum · 14/11/2023 22:59

Also the display image of the female is super bloody weird. It’s literally a woman with a towel on her hair and a tissue up her nose. Honestly made no sense to me but I don’t even know if I have the energy to make sense of it. Or care to.

Ew why would he post that? To show how intimate they are that he's taking photos when she has a cold, or they're sniffing coke together ;yes I know that's a reach, surprised myself there but it did pop into my head so thought would say it. Either way, he's gross . You're well rid . It's not your fault, hes a cock

baileys6904 · 15/11/2023 19:21

I'd question whether you're ready for a relationship. The introduction thing and the someone from work texting him sounds an over reaction, dependant on the content of the texts. I often text both male and female work colleagues about work, even on holiday if they've asked me to. And they've text me. It means nothing.
Perhaps you have been sniping at him on nights out for a while, hard to say, but if u have insecurities, perhaps it's better to address now and work on them, rather than start a new relationship when you're ready, on a back foot.

Jbrum · 16/11/2023 19:36

Yeah I know. I should never have bothered checking. Tbh I felt it ran its course at a few points. But surely, any MAN would offer a woman closure and not say “sorry I can’t. Sometimes it needs to be brutal”

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Jbrum · 16/11/2023 19:37

Complete bellend tbh. I should never have wasted my tears. 5-6 years spent trying to make it work. And I just got dropped like I was a nobody

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Jbrum · 16/11/2023 19:38

Kinda meant a bit more when he was liking her insta pictures of her half naked…at that point I was just sick of him.

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Deathbyfluffy · 16/11/2023 19:41

Jbrum · 16/11/2023 19:36

Yeah I know. I should never have bothered checking. Tbh I felt it ran its course at a few points. But surely, any MAN would offer a woman closure and not say “sorry I can’t. Sometimes it needs to be brutal”

Yep, I've always been upfront with partners I'm ending things with - and I've had things thrown at me, cars keyed etc in return.
But it's just a basic courtesy - no one should be strung along.

Unfortunately I've not always been offered the same courtesy, but then society is full of both men and women with no backbone.

Takethehintandfuckoff · 16/11/2023 19:42

It’s impossible to say. Your post is a bit confusing and things can be interpreted differently by different people. What seems obvious however is that this relationship is no good for either of you and you’re clearly better off apart. I’m sorry it hurts but you’ll move on in time. Maybe spend some time working on yourself before getting involved again.

Jbrum · 16/11/2023 19:50

It’s a stupid thing for me. Because we were once mates with benefits years ago and he knew I liked him. And then suddenly one day he went cold on me and acted off. Then when I reached out to him went “I’m talking to a girl and I think I like her”. She basically did him over and 6 months after the split we got talking again.

history looks like it repeated itself because of his behaviour. And it’s all the reason why when a woman would text him. I’d go into fight or flight. Because I think the trust was just never there

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