Married for 20 years and I have hit a wall. I'm sure I'm not the only one so am coming on here for some advice and shared experiences. Husband was in the army but left 10 years ago - without really discussing it with me. Had a job lined up, salary allowed us to get a mortgage but we had no ties in the area other than having been there for 18 months. He felt that keeping a roof over our heads wis the number one objective. He did not think at all about the community we had come to rely on and how it was going to be leaving that. It didn't matter to him, he had his job lined up and lots of military personnel to work with initially sea relatively smooth transition for him into civilian life.J ob was based locally so it made sense to base ourselves here.
Over time the job has changed, he has moved up the ladder but is now away at least four days a week and more often Mon - Friday. I used to teach full time, it fitted in with army life. We then adopted two children and I stopped work to care for them fulltime, it wasn't easy - endless meetings and appointments for years. As they started to settle I went back to work part time but to be honest I really didn't enjoy it and found it hard to be almost single parenting and looking after the home and animals on my own. Basically my life has shrunk while his has grown. He loves the challenge of his job, travels, works in London dinners out, meets up with old army friends and enjoys networking etc. Comes home on the weekends, cuts the grass and watches sport on the TV. Drinks with my in laws who recently moved nearish every Sunday. I could scream. We're ok financially but no spare cash at the moment. I am sp stuck. I feel that I am literally holding the fort trying to support a 22 year old with seriously delayed maturity, a 16 year old who is hugely sensitive to everything. I am trying to retrain online, I have the kids relying on me for lifts to the station etc and animals to care for so I have limited freedom. Zero financial independence either. My confidence is zero, I like my husband but I don't think I love him, we never touch or kiss and haven't had sex since he went to Afghanistan in 2011, (he wasn't the same when he came back and then we both lost confidence in ourselves I think.). My mother died this summer, quite suddenly but it has given me the fear that I am going to sit here wishing my life was other than it is until the day I die...or do something foolish and run away. I am retraining to do something I have wanted to do since I was 16 and for one reason and another never pursued but I am not enjoying it as much as I though I would as I am putting myself under pressure - I feel this is my last chance to do something, find myself, gain a little financial independence and maybe a life outside of these four walls. I cannot believe I travelled the world when I was younger and was so independent. I now feel I have no life so that everyone else in the family can have theirs and just can't see a way out. He gets defensive when I try to talk about tit and talks about how he pays for everything but he has at another time confessed that he would be doing this job even if he weren't married so I know the 'I'm doing it for you' argument is not justified.