Why does she keep mentioning my ex?

[Superlambaanana]

I have a relative who asks if i have heard from my ex every time she sees me. It is driving me mad. I've tried saying 'that's all over now', and pointing out that he really wasn't a nice person, i am sooo much happier now we've broken up etc. We have no children or any other reason to stay in touch and neither of us wanted to be friends so there has been and will be zero contact. But she persists- every time. She'll start with 'how is... then catch herself and say 'have you heard from X?' Or 'how do you think X is doing' I think she has one of those overactive brains/ motormouths and can't seem to control herself. I suspect she really liked him, perhaps more than me so can't get over the break up. But it is so infuriatingly insensitive and hurtful to keep bringing him up. Should I explode at her (I think it's the only way she'd stop talking for a second and actually listen) or just pity her and try to contain my rage?

'Honestly, I couldn't care less how he's doing, and I'm sick of hearing his name.'

Done.

Next time she says anything, just look at her for a few seconds and then start talking about something else.

Next time she asks, ask her "Why do you ask?" or say "I'll give you his number so you can call him and ask him yourself."

But, in all honesty, I'd just say to her "look, me and him are over so please stop asking me about him."

If she mentions him again after that I'd do what Lovemychair suggests.

Thanks all. Good advice. I am pathetic at being direct with people. When other people do or say something offensive i seem to jump to try to make it better rather than call them out. I will have to try with her though as this is really getting on my wick and I'm literally starting to hate her because of it.

I'd ask them if they wanted you to accompany them for a GP's appointment because you're concerned about her forgetfulness.

Sounds like she had more than a passing interest in him herself.

I’d just point out that she asks the same question every time she sees you and that you’ll never have an update for her so there’s no point her asking it again. She needs to realise what she’s doing. Maybe she’s just trying to make polite small talk and one of her questions is to ask about a partner. I know in my extended family I used to get the “are you dating” question every time when I was single which also got tedious.

@Superlambaanana

Another suggestion to this relative: "were you keen on him? Would you like me to give you his number so you can get together for a nice chat?"

And when she splutters/backtracks:

"OK - I just wondered as you ask me about him every time we meet" 🌹

Your friend is just being a bit puriant. Sometimes people just ask me this and sometimes it's just kindness to see if I am okay, and other times it's almost as though they get some entertainment from it. ..

Thanks all. I don't think she means anything by it - but that doesn't excuse the insensitivity. She may have fancied him a bit but I think it's more a case of verbal diarrhea. She literally talks non stop rubbish about whatever pops into her head. She's not a complete imbecile though so I think it is time she was reminded that she needs to think before she speaks. She's got away with it for too long.

Is she interested in him?
Or maybe they are together and she's gauging if you know?

@Superlambaanana that sounds sensible, some people do actually need to be told about their insensitivity because they just lack emotional intelligence or as you say have been getting away with it.

"he died"

Then all follow up questions just shrug.

She'll get the hint.