Am I just insecure?

[SayItt]

My boyfriend of 2 years, is absolutely amazing. I'm in love with him. But today when I texted him asking what are you doing, he said he's doing nothing. Then I video called, he didn't receive. I asked him that I wanna see. He said I'm having haircut sitting on a chair and can't answer call. Then I called again, his internet was turned off this time. Within next minute he video called and he was on some street. When I asked why didn't you receive he said internet was not working as he was making payment to the Salon. I asked him to share payment screenshot, he did but before I saw he deleted it and said that you need to trust me and I'm not gonna show you any proof. I don't know what's going on, I am not able to trust this. Although I really trust him but then his actions... I don't want to blindly trust that's it. Please advise. Do guys behave like this usually or is something going on? I'm taking a huge step when I say I wanna marry him because it's gonna be very difficult as I have strict parents. He's extremely loveable towards me otherwise but I don't want to fall in a soup where I'll be hurt in future.

I have found his insta chats with many random girls (before coming into relationship with me) I asked him and he said it's a thing of the past. Maybe my suspicion lies there tbh. I know I need to work on my trust. But last I heard trust is a two way street. If he keeps on lying how will I trust? Also, just for info..I was cheated on in my previous relationship. Don't know if this has anything to do with this... I don't seem to understand anything

there are errors in both of your behaviour. Bombarding some one with messages/phone calls and demanding instant response is crazy. Some people don’t like video calls when they are in public (it’s rude for a start). It sounds like you’re so smitten that you are not reflecting on your unreasonable behaviour. You will push someone away if you keep behaving in this obsessive, paranoid and haranguing manner. He also should not be lying to you. If you cannot relax and trust him, then dump him. If he cannot be truthful, dump him. Don’t kick problems down the road, address them immediately.

Demanding an up-to-date location & description of his whereabouts isn't trust. Saying he's doing "nothing" when he's in the middle of a perfectly mundane task is also acceptable.

Your reaction is what is the issue.

This is another level. How old are you op?

“I know I need to work on my trust”

No. You need to work on your boundaries and what actions you take when they are crossed.

Are you very young?

Your post comes across as very controlling, You are insecure and you don’t trust him.

Leave.

I wouldn’t tolerate having to prove / justify myself like this to someone. You don’t own him.

We are 24

Would he be OK about you being with a mixed group of friends? Or is it a double standard? In what way does he take care of you, and why do you need taking care of, are you independent?
Sometimes you can seem to be treated well by someone who doesn't love you, but is lovebombing you.
Being in a mixed group is fine if platonic and out in public. Did he lie about it on the first occasion, or did you get upset so he's lied since? Why are you not invited if a mixed group? Or have you declined invites?
He's lying to keep you sweet, but only you know if it's because you are being unreasonable or if he is dodgy.

Sorry OP but there's nothing casual about this interaction.

If you spend every minute wondering where he is and what he's doing I suggest you put yourself out of your misery and end it. I cannot imagine anything so mentally draining for you (and him).

He's generally okay if I'm with other people. Don't know how he'll react if I ever lied to be with other people coz I've not done that yet. I keep him informed if I have any such plans or at least if he calls I say the truth. I'm not being full of myself, just answering it honestly. We're in a long distance relationship btw so getting invited is not applicable

He sounds untrustworthy and you sound controlling.

You're only 24 and he's obviously not ready for marriage. What is the rush? Spend time developing your own interests and sense of self and right man will come along.

Depends, how do you react when he tells you he is hanging out with female friends? Do you shrug your shoulders or ask him another dozen questions about how he knows these women, how often he sees them, what do they look like etc. Because if it is the latter I'm not surprised if he simply can't be arsed to tell you the truth if he is going to be interrogated over it. To be honest any relationship that has reached the point of demanding evidence of one's whereabouts it is probably best to call it quits.

Gently, OP. Bin this chap. You’re acting like a loon and it’s long distance. Of course he’s charming if he doesn’t see you often. Find someone who will love you when your both sprawled on the sofa after a long day at work and can’t even be bothered to turn on the TV. Find someone who will sit and work out where to live that’s best for both your careers. Find someone who lifts you up and champions you. Then you’ll trust them and give up the crazy stalker behaviour (I’d advise any friend of mine to dump you for demanding hair cut proof…if you were a bloke this would be red bunting!).

I don't believe it. Im outta here.

Well, guess you were right to be concerned, I'm sorry that's shitty.

He can't possibly genuinely love and care for you, otherwise he wouldn't do that. Don't waste your time on him.

Why were you reading his insta chats from when before you were together? That's his past. His privacy. He's allowed to hang out with people surely but if you don't trust him, why not end it and save you both the drama? I would absolutely not be giving receipts to a partner to prove where I am. Sorry, its just controlling. If you don't trust him, nothing to be had torturing yourself

i think you have gone a bit over the top however I’ve done worse when my partners been with his ex and their son on their own on an evening out.

you don’t sound like you should be in a relationship. You need to heal and love yourself and work on yourself to become more of a secure person.

you need to put you first and you don’t sound confident or strong or secure in any of what your saying

What would you have done if he’d answered honestly the first time?

”I’m just hanging out at Dan’s. Sophie and Emily are here too”

What would your response to him being with girls be?

What, hang out with his mates some of whom were female?

I have found his insta chats with many random girls (before coming into relationship with me) I asked him and he said it's a thing of the past

how did you come to find these chats?

Oh I thought he admitted to cheating with those guess I read that wrong.

If you can't trust him then there's no point in being together

This really doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

He said he wasn't in a position to take any calls, which you ignored and called him again anyway. You demanded to see proof of his payment. This is all very controlling.

I suspect he lied about hanging out with friends because he knew you'd overreact. When in a controlling relationship, it becomes normal to start lying over innocent things. When I was with my controlling ex, I'd end up lying about stuff like having gone to the cinema by myself because I knew he wouldn't believe me. I was never up to anything bad yet I ended up living a double life just to avoid interrogation.

I don't think you're ready to be in a relationship. You're still very young and if you've been cheated on before, I think you need to deal with that and work on your trust issues and insecurities, perhaps with a therapist.

Thank you all for your suggestions on this. Thanks to those who bashed as well, I guess I needed that. I can't share this with my normal friends for obvious reasons, I needed a judgment free advise.

Deep down we know we really love each other. I'll work on my thing for sure. It's just sooo difficult and requires a lot of patience.. :(