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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner is offended because someone bought the shopping

30 replies

tinatsarina · 13/11/2023 17:20

Ok so was at the shop got a few items under £3 total phone wouldn't beep for contactless, didn't have my card, had put in voucher couldn't work out why it wasn't working. Staff member (male) paid for it, very grateful. Had tried to phone partner to bring my card down (live up the road from the shop) he hadn't answered. Got home and explained and he's got offended at 'some man buying your shopping' was ranting about go pay it back (no change on me) but is it just me or is he massively over reacting?

OP posts:

SayItt · 13/11/2023 19:01

My boyfriend of 2 years, is absolutely amazing. I'm in love with him. But today when I texted him asking what are you doing, he said he's doing nothing. Then I video called, he didn't receive. I asked him that I wanna see. He said I'm having haircut sitting on a chair and can't answer call. Then I called again, his internet was turned off this time. Within next minute he video called and he was on some street. When I asked why didn't you receive he said internet was not working as he was making payment to the Salon. I asked him to share payment screenshot, he did but before I saw he deleted it and said that you need to trust me and I'm not gonna show you any proof. I don't know what's going on, I am not able to trust this. Although I really trust him but then his actions... I don't want to blindly trust that's it. Please advise. I'm taking a huge step when I say I wanna marry him because it's gonna be very difficult as I have strict parents. He's extremely loveable towards me otherwise but I don't want to fall in a soup where I'll be hurt in future

Haffiana · 13/11/2023 19:02

tinatsarina · 13/11/2023 17:27

There is issues we've argued loads, there's previous with him and his behaviour but always manages to make me feel like I've done something wrong etc, he's supposed to be on antidepressants but hasn't took them for a week or so. Blames his shitty behaviour on stress at work and then wonders why I'm not sympathetic when he has 'anxiety' attacks

Does he behave like this to his colleagues at work? Does he argue and snap at his boss? Does he tell them about anxiety and act like an arsehole?

If no, then it is just you he does it to, isn't it? He is choosing to abuse you OP.

jannier · 13/11/2023 19:13

tinatsarina · 13/11/2023 18:12

It's the eggshells and pandering I have to do. When I've spoke to him he says he's stressed, exhausted, apologies for what he's said, hence why he was on the antidepressants to try and get his head clear so we could start to work on this but now he's decided he doesn't want/need them. Has voiced suicidal feelings before, everything he has pressure it's 'anxiety' or 'i feel like I'm having a breakdown' yet when I asked him to take a day cuz I wasn't well and had no one else to help with the kids he couldn't cuz he has a career. Even though I put mine on hold to look after the kids. I'm working up the courage to speak to someone at the local women's centre/women's aid

All classic abusive shit

Original poster

tinatsarina · 13/11/2023 19:16

He would be quick to bite back at people and I've seen him get on like that with his mum at times who just tells him to shut up and tells me not to listen to his blethering but I don't think she realises how horrible he can be. It's the name calling etc when we argue he goes straight to it, I'm the reason for the drinking/drug history etc me and my family we're nuts so that's why so he can escape us.

OP posts:

BirthdayRainbow · 13/11/2023 19:22

tinatsarina · 13/11/2023 17:47

10+ years three kids in, I'm only now fighting back with his behaviour. It's hard cuz it's one of those ones when he's on form it's great, could help more with kids etc but isn't snarky and horrible but when he gets that arsehole head on he's awful. Supposed to be getting married in August and I'm 50/50. He wasn't always like this but maybe he was and I just didn't see it.

Please don't marry him.

I am divorcing after 27 years together because of one thing but having therapy has made me realise all the 🚩🚩🚩🚩.

I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. As he never built me up.

Pay the guy back. You must do that. But get out of this abusive relationship. Show your children the right way. Not what they are learning now.

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