Am I being unreasonable?

[Ell435]

Hi I got married in may and 3 weeks after my wedding my dad had a big heart attack and died suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms, my dad was such an important person in my life we were so close and I miss him terribly, coming to terms with what has happened as well as navigating being a mum and a wife and carrying on even though I feel like my world has crashed down is sometimes so hard, I feel like grief sometimes is all so consuming and l'm sure anyone else who has lost a parent or someone important to them knows how I feel, I'm at a point now where I feel numb so to my husband I probably seem fine because I'm not bursting in to tears like before, my issue is my sex drive is none existent and I do feel guilt because my husband says it's all on my terms all the time and I hate that it is but I genuinely feel I can't help it, I get to bed on a night and I’m so exhausted from grieving and being at work and having the kids all day I want to go straight to sleep l'm obviously really sad right now and struggling which I have explained to him that I am just putting a mask on to the world which I think is normal. I find it difficult being with someone sometimes who still has both parents and doesn’t know what it feels like, I’m not feeling the love and support I need he’s drinking 30 to 40 beers a week and is falling asleep on the sofa most nights then when we go to bed he expects me to be in the mood for sex when he’s not even spoken to me all day, when I’ve asked him why he does this he says it’s because it’s his bit of enjoyment and that we’re 5 months in and it’s all doom and gloom All the time. That I should want to have sex with him and once every couple of weeks isn’t enough, And he feels rejected and he just doesn’t see the point in why we’re together if I’m not going to suck it up and make the effort. Am I being unreasonable? I feel so hurt and unloved and I wish I could speed my grieving forward but I can’t. I feel like as long as I give him sex and see to his needs then all is well again and I’m not having to walk on eggshells but am I just here to please him when I’m drowning inside!?
+
Active
Watching
Add post
I'm on
Q

I’m so sorry for your loss. You have so much going on right now that I kinda think you’re heading towards a breakdown.
You need to spend some time on yourself, you’re balancing so many plates and making yourself the bottom of the priority list.

Your husband doesn’t understand the grief. He doesn’t understand your mental load and the pain you’re feeling. You’re right, he’s just wanting his needs met, he’s only focussing on himself.

Do you think you can sit him down and have a proper chat with him about how you are feeling. It might help to have some time to focus on your relationship. Is there anyone around to watch the kids and have a date night? Even if it’s just a night when you two watch a film and get a take away? A night when you are both together on the couch. Even just once a month might help bring some romance and fun back.

I think you also need to focus some time on you. Do something for you for a change, to help you unwind w and relax a little.

I also think it might be a good idea to speak to the doctor and fully explain how you are feeling. You have been through so much lately and the grief is bound to get to you. I think speaking to a professional might help you.

Overall ( sorry for my long response) you are definitely not being unreasonable and your husband is being unfair to you. He’s being selfish and not considering your feelings. He just seems to think you should have moved on by now.