How do you get someone to leave/give some space?

[FrustratedMumHelp]

I cant as the rental is in my name/all bills in my name.
background is, i took on a separate rental as a single parent (as i was leaving my H at the time, it was all done secretly). I eventually told him the day of the move, he helped move me and the kids in, was really nice, said he would change (alcohol issues). I was feeling weak, vulnerable anyway, we had a good talk and i caved in and said he could move in temporarily as long as the drinking stopped. We would review it. Anyway, fast forward a couple of years (things have not been rosey at all during this time and ive made it clear were over), his drinking is worse and hes hiding it. Its come to a head now. He went out last weekend drinking, cane home in an absolute vile mood (re our difficulties) and was shouting/angry/swearing at me and our DD. It was a really horrible night. Whatever we did was met with snide comments.

the alcohol issue is now a touchy subject. I cant even talk to him about it in a concerned way as he just gets angry and defensive. Calls me a psycho and ive got MH issues because of that (i dont). I also have MH issues apparently because i want to split up the family. I just feel so sorry for DD and the other kids living in this house with him. this is a regular situation too. I spend my weekend tip toeing around him. Its horrible and i dont want to spend my weekend in this situation or the kids. I want a happy home and i rue the bloody day i caved.

Anyway, ive given him dates to leave by, he refuses to go. He wants to stay together! I said we both dont need to be in agreement on this. If one of us wants out, the other has to accept for their own and kids sake. Im trying to be calm, rational about this but he refuses to even have a conversation. He will bring up that im overweight for example and say perhaps he should start tracking my daily food and have a go at me for eating too much etc. he twists it round to be my issues and hes innocent.

im literally at my wits end now. Hes not going to change, I’ve accepted that. How the fuck do i get him out with minimum fuss?! We had an angry argument yesterday as id asked him to pack his bags and go. Our children were milling around listening. Its awful. He brings them into the argument and i end up walking away to calm it down

Have you sought legal advice re separation and divorce?. I would certainly start divorce proceedings if you have not already done this. He is anyway going to make the whole process of separating from him as long and drawn out as possible and he will behave the self same once you are apart from him too.

Ive certainly looked into it. We’re fairly straightforward (both have pensions/joint savings - that i hold because he asked me to, children would come to me as i do all the childcare now) currently renting. No house to sell. No other assets

I just really want him to move out. Its such a bad atmosphere

This is no life as it is for you or your children.

I would further look into legal advice re starting divorce proceedings.

Im going to this week. Something has to change, i cant live like this. I moved to this house for calm and peace for me and the kids. I knew allowing him to move in was a massive mistake within 24 hrs

Pack up his stuff when he's out, leave it outside, change the locks.
If he refuses to leave, involve the police.

@nozbottheblue I said that to him yesterday if he didnt leave i would, he got ridiculously angry at that thought which gave me a chill. He has somewhere to go. His brother said he can move in with him (he lives alone). I dont want a massive show down (shouting/screaming/police). I dont have any support. The people i have tried to lean on (i dont usually share a lot with friends so it took a lot for me to reach out) they said they didnt want to get involved 🥴

Better for the fuss of the police than you allowing your poor children to be emotionally abused in that atmosphere.

Have you any idea of the damage that will have done to them as it has clearly gone on for years?

At least the police will end it.

Get him out for your children.

This. You need to develop a sense of urgency.

Would the brother help remove him?

Can someone take the kids for a day while you oust him?

You're married and he's been there 2 years so it doesn't matter that it's your sole name on the tenancy. If you want him out you need to go to court to apply for an occupation order. It may not be successful. You also need to file for divorce asap.

Ffs…. Honestly wish id never said yes to him moving in. I knew, as the words left my mouth, id regret it

Yeah :( it's going to be difficult but it's not impossible so start the process. You'll soon be on the other side of it.

Contact Woman's Aid, for support and the best advice.
Keep the momentum going, now you've decided to get him gone. Lots of support for you here

Do you think its serious enough for womens aid? I don’t want to take up their time, when there are women in a much worse (dv) situation than me

Yes
in fact I think you're minimising how serious it is

his drinking has got worse

he's verbally abusive

you don't know what might happen

This is another reason you must contact them - to deal with the legalities

Yes he’s abuse . You are scared of go’s reaction.
Just put his stuff outside and call the police if he appears . Rip the plaster off!
contcat the solicitor before hand once he has the paperwork he will
know you are serious so it’s some kind of heads up for when he returns to the property.

You are allowing this. .
I don’t think you need to ask anyone to put him out tenancy on your name only he has to go simple .

Yes, and they can advise you how to legally get him out.