Relationship with a shift worker

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It's so difficult at times. The snatches of time together then the week of shifts when I'm just finishing work he is just starting. The differences in sleeping patterns. The few weekends we actually get together, and those are great weekends and then you're back to not seeing each other again. Does it improve once you live together?

I'd be interested to hear views on this. My boyfriend has just started a shift work job and I'm worried it will be tough on the relationship. Working opposite times of days, he's working and I'm free then when I'm free he's working. Not being able to go out together as much, not as many date nights or just quality time in general. No weekends together and when we do get time together I feel he's going to be too tired. Worried about waking each other up and creating sleeping issues etc.

We've had the best year together and talking about moving in together so I really don't want it to hinder our relationship. I struggle to see the bigger picture and often focus too much on the negatives. Need to shake those feelings and work out how to make it work for us.

You’ve described exactly how your life will be - question is can you live like that? And later on with small children thrown into the mix if you want kids at some point?

If it’s a dealbreaker would he be prepared to look for a different job to avoid splitting up?

Been with dh 18 years. 95% of the time I've worked 6am -2pm and dh 2pm- 6pm.
Works brilliantly for childcare.
Over this time he's done nights, days, weekends, all different shifts. Last year he's been alternating shifts so currently one week I see him after 4pm everyday and the whole weekend, the following week I kiss him goodnight 9pm the Sunday and don't see him till 1030pm the Fri. That weekend he also works the Saturday.
It's become our normal I guess. When dd was small we almost operated as single parents.
Time off is carefully planned, reminders for important things sent on phones, but we make sure we speak once a day.
Sleeping not affected at all. Our hours work so that each of us is sound asleep when the other one gets in or out of bed.
Date nights not really a thing as we have a teen but we do still get to do stuff together even if it is breakfast out or a coffee while walking the dog.

We won't be having children. We both have children separately. The plan is he'll get more of a 9-5 job in the next few years. But for now I just feel like I'm always waiting for us to have time together. It's a bizarre situation to be in for me to be honest.

If you've you're own children that sounds perfect, they don't get their time diluted by him, and you get to spend some quality time with him when he's off.

I have been with my DP nearly 7 years and he is a shift worker ( 6 days on, 4 days off horrible shift patterns and often cancel rest days) When we first met, we even lived 3 hours drive away but distance and shift works did not break us although it was challenging sometimes. I think it’s depends on how much he meant to you. Is it something you can compromise if he is the one? The only thing I hate about shift work is that he always get extremely emotional on his first rest day and can be cranky. Fortunately, He got promoted and only does 8-4 Mon-Fri now.

My husband is a shift worker and has been for the majority of our relationship.

There are some things that can be tough, like making plans etc as you need to check shifts, but overall it can really work - plenty of time individually and lets you 'miss' each other, and you learn to enjoy different pockets of time - breakfast dates, lie ins etc