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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner wasting money on beer and gambling

9 replies

Mammyofboys4 · 12/11/2023 20:03

Hi, I'll try not to make this too long.
A bit of background, with my partner nearly 4 years but split for 2 months a year and half ago due to his heavy drinking. He got help, had counselling and went to rehab, however they said he was doing really well and said he could leave day 10 out of 14. I supported him through this and we got back together.
He did well for 4 months then started having a couple cans after work, then from 4 on days off and now from 12.

We don't live together he lives with his dad but he got paid Friday and today he has nothing because he's spending it all on beer, betting and slots, he'll now borrow off his dad, lose that too then owe most of his wages out.

Tonight I had enough, said im fed up of him wasting his money when he watches me spend every penny just trying to keep the kids fed and warm and he does nothing to help out the 2 nights a week hes here but happily eats my food and uses my water, gas and electric.

It hasn't gone down well, I was told its none of my business where his money goes and yes he's right we don't live together but after 4 years there's going to be no signs of this changing so we can move forward with our relationship. We don't go anywhere as a couple or do anything but he always seems to have money for pub with his mates after work.

I love him so much but I just feel like I can't carry on like this and I'll never move in with him when he'd rather lose me than change his drinking and gambling lifestyle.

I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 12/11/2023 20:06

Are they his children?
Don't marry him.
Don't have children with him.
Dump his ass.

kitsuneghost · 12/11/2023 20:13

You know the answer.
You let him near you he will gamble the kids lunch money.

Are you coming maintenance
If not, do so
Do not have him stay over. Do not fund him in any way

Shoxfordian · 12/11/2023 20:14

Break up and don't go back to him this time - he sounds like a loser

Mammyofboys4 · 12/11/2023 20:20

Thankfully they're not his kids, even his own teenage kids don't want to be around him most of the time. I think deep down I know I need to end it I just needed that kick up the backside to actually do it.
Thank you for the replies

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 12/11/2023 21:21

Mammyofboys4 · 12/11/2023 20:20

Thankfully they're not his kids, even his own teenage kids don't want to be around him most of the time. I think deep down I know I need to end it I just needed that kick up the backside to actually do it.
Thank you for the replies

Whilst I get where you are coming from, he doesn't live there and they aren't his kids. Its not his responsibility to keep them warm and fed so that can't really be part of the justification. Don't get me wrong, I apologise you're going through it and personally I would likely end it, but he doesn't need to pay towards the kids.

AmandaHoldensLips · 12/11/2023 21:25

He's a deadbeat and an addict. Cut your losses and run.

GrazingSheep · 12/11/2023 21:29

he does nothing to help out the 2 nights a week hes here but happily eats my food and uses my water, gas and electric.

Yet another total waste of space cocklodger inflicted on children who have no choice.

yhk · 13/11/2023 00:05

You're constantly getting shat on by his behaviour.

He either doesn't care about your relationship or thinks you live with him being a gambling drunk.

The fact that his children don't want anything to do with him says it all, and it is not a good example to be exposing your children to.

You know what to do.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 13/11/2023 00:39

Get rid of this deadbeat no-hoper and the sooner the better and whatever he may say or do, do NOT take him back. Ever.

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