Is our marriage falling apart

[Novemberbluesss]

I feel like our marriage is falling apart. I have recently reached out to a counsellor but DH is refusing to share his private life with anyone. I feel like there are so many issues and I am
going crazy thinking if that's just one issue or many or is it me blowing things out of proportion. I cannot also see how we can be happy together again. We have been together for over 10 years and have a toddler. DH has recently become snappy and every time I ask him why he is treating me like that he says: that's what happens when you don't give me any affection. I have had a difficult childhood and being affectionate has always been an issue but I have been like that since day one and I do try. However after a day of work, house chores etc I just want to sit down and have half an hour to myself (sometimes that's spent online booking activities for DD, catching up on nursery activities etc, sometimes it's just me reading a book). DH likes to watch football in the evenings and very happy that I entertain myself and don't ask him when I can watch something I enjoy. When he is not watching football he expects me to be all over him and initiate sex. I don't know if it's a preference or I have deep down buried issues but I've never been the dominating or initating one. Partly because I feel like the boss at home all the time taking care of all chores, cooking, shopping, everything to do with DD ( he happily helps but has to be specifically directed, he claims he cannot read my mind to know what needs doing). I also earn more than double of my DH salary, which is another reason for arguments as he claims I don't respect his job (I have never had any negative feelings or said anything negative about his job). He does have low self esteem but it seems he expects that I will be the one always helping him feel good about himself . The worst part is we always wanted to have two children but DH doesn't want to have sex to have a child, he claims he is being used and we shouldn't have more sex around ovulation because I want a baby. It will break my heart to accept I will never have another child and if that happens I don't think I can stay with him. It also worries me that I want a child despite potentially not bringing them to the happy family and I worry I am very selfish. Just putting all out there as it has been so hard recently.

Marriages have their ups and downs but if you are committed to making it work then you both work thru things together. It does not sound like your husband wants to do that. It just sounds like it's his way or the highway. Honestly in your situation I'd choose the highway. Its not wonder you aren't all over him when he's a snappy miserable arse who needs constant direction like a child to actually do any household tasks. What does he add to your life honestly? Instead of listening to your concerns and agreeing to go to counselling together he just tries to make it all your fault and refuses to work on himself or openly talk about his real feelings.
If you earn far more than him whats stopping you from leaving? If its you who thinks about and organises most of the household stuff would it not actually be better just being on your own without some snappy dark cloud of Amanda child around? You could have a chance go move on and have another baby with a man who genuinely cares about you and supports you. Honestly life is too short to be treated like this. I know its what you are used to and you don't want to break up the home but is this really the example of love you want to model to your child?

DH likes to watch football in the evenings and very happy that I entertain myself ... When he is not watching football he expects me to be all over him and initiate sex.

Blimey, no wonder you don't feel like lavishing him with affection! He expects you to get everything done while he suits himself, tells you you're not good enough, won't put effort into your relationship, and then wants you to become Mrs Seductive at a time to suit him.

Sounds like he thinks of you as a domestic appliance with sexbot attachments. What exactly are you getting out of this?

Everything @GarlicMaybeNot said.

@haribosmarties and @GarlicMaybeNot thank you for your replies. I think the main reason for me seeking counselling and trying to make things work is the hope we can have a loving family one day. I would never forgive myself that I forced broken family on DD without trying to fix it first. I appreciate things are not that black and white and there must be something I have done in the past few months to contribute to the current situation. However I also have that strong feeling I cannot shake off that I am a different person to who I was 10 years ago (I am more driven and ambitious, I like intellectual challenge, I like to reflect on the ways to be a good parent and kind person) but I feel DH hasn't changed at all and we are growing apart.