Silly argument - please help me unpack it

[MerryMarigold]

I have an electric car, which I use for work in ulez zone. It's old so it needs frequent charging - approx every other day but not regular slots as depends what else it's being used for. We use a 'normal' plug point, according to dh it's better for the car than a fast charger but it does take about 6 hours to fully charge. The plug point is outside but there's also a switch to turn the plug point off inside. Dh also says it's better for the battery to only charge to 80% (you can set the car to stop charging) which just means more frequent charging for me.

On Thursday I plugged it in as it was low and I need to take my daughter to a club also in ulez. I didn't realise but dh had switched the plug off inside the house so it wasn't charging at all for hours. He did realise this in time for a couple of hours charge (just enough time get us there and back) and he apologised. It needed to be replugged in when I got in so I could get to work.

Yesterday it was low again so I said to myself: charge the car and DON'T FORGET to check if H has turned it off inside again. Guess what, by the time I unloaded my shopping, I forgot to check...and it was off inside. So it's not charged at all. I was annoyed that he'd turned it off again. I'm not even sure why he does. He mutters about people using our plug from outside (it's quite difficult to get to) or that it's 'wasting electricity' even if nothing is plugged into it. And I 'should remember' to turn it on inside. My point is that it wasn't a choice for me to forget. I have a ton of stuff to do and sometimes I forget things plus it's just extra hassle to plug it all in outside (lead from boot, plug in car, plug in plugpoint) and I could do without the extra hassle of switching it on inside as well. It was/is a choice to switch it off inside and I'm not really sure on the reasons. It just feels like he's deliberately making my life harder. It was OK when he apologised on Thursday but I thought that would mean he'd stop.

I know this is a long rant about very little but it follows a pattern of nearly every argument in our house.

He's absolutely ridiculous. I couldn't live with that. Bloody hell, he's obsessed. Mine's bad enough, switching the PC from standby to off in the evening when I WANTED it on standby for a good reason, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't get up in the night to switch things off.

But it would hit 80% at 3am and then be PLUGGED IN till 8am

Yes but it wouldn't be charging anymore. We have a fast charger (well not very fast but faster than a household plug) and we charge it at night and it stops charging when the car reaches whatever percentage we set it to. We don't get up in the middle of the night to plug it out. I could only charge at night; it would be so annoying to have to wait around during the day for the car to charge.

I do think you need to get into the habit of checking that the car is charging. Even with the fast charger, I always wait and make sure the car is actually charging before I walk away. There has been the odd time that it hasn't worked first time and I need to unplug it and retry it.

As for turning off unused switches, I don't know why, I just do. If I saw the shower switch left on after one of the kids had finished, I would switch it off.
Similarly if there was a switch on that wasn't being used.

Yes but it wouldn't be charging anymore.

I know but it wouldn't be fully off either. Dh unplugs the TV and printer every night. Literally pulls the plug out. It annoys me but I live with plugging the printer back in every time I need to use it. It's inconvenient but doesn't affect my life too much.

I agree about checking the charging. It's just that my memory is so bad, by the time I unload the shopping, Ds comes to help me and we have a chat, then by the time I'm inside the house, I've forgotten. Which is really stupid but also understandable. I probably won't always forget, especially if there's less busyness going on, but it's just an extra step, which is in my view unnecessary.

You had it right. There is switch inside (no plugpoint) which just controls current going to the plugoint outside. The outdoor plugoint also has an on/off switch, which I turn on and off when I plug/ unplug the car). The only point of the inside switch is to stop people using the plug, say if we're away for a couple of weeks.

In terms of 'giving him 2 options', I had to laugh. He'll just say no to both. I could organise it myself but he'd be furious.

What would he say if you said "I'm off to shop in M&S / the artisan baker and then get my hair cut"? Would he mutter about the cost?

Good question. I did a wee Waitrose shop the other day and he was OK, probably because I got in with moaning about the cost before he could. It would very much depend on his mood in the moment.

I think my feelings are just the build up over 20 years - things he's directly said and me internalising his attitude. He has made plenty of comments about cost of haircuts, or clothes in the past or the cost of anything. And always doing his best to save money eg. He cycles into zone 1 to save the money, gets up at 5.30 in order to get on the tube with bike etc etc. Cuts his own hair every month. He only gets clothes as birthday or Xmas gifts. He didn't grow up with much but I do feel he's obsessed. Obviously now mortgages and energy price increase mean less disposable income too. It's been an issue since we met, but I feel like over time I've started to think more like him too. He's better with a budget so if I say, "We're going on holiday, I think I can do it for x amount..." then he's OK but we will get the cheapest flight and stay in the 'budget' places (motels, Airbnb cheap end etc). Everything is secondhand. On the other hand, we are paying for Ds1 (A levels) tutoring - so there are big expenses.

OK, he's very tight!

I would go with the night charging because it is more convenient for you and if he wants to get up in the middle of the night to unplug it, that's up to him.

The reliability of Nissan LEAFs depends on the year they were produced. Some year models such as the 2014 and 2015 redesigns are known to have very high rates of battery degradation.

How often should you replace your Nissan Leaf battery? Every 3 to 5 years, but you should have your battery tested naturally for drops in voltage to make hopeful it's operating at a high level. Car batteries normally carry 12 to 13 volts unless you have a high-performance battery.

^^ Based on that I would get it tested and while you are there pick their brains regarding charging/fast chargers.

I do get the relationship dynamics btw. I have your bil who likes to spend while frowning at my annual haircut.

@MerryMarigold how much electricity does he think something uses when it’s switched off but the switch on the socket outlet is down? How many kilowatt hours are racked up overnight and how much does that cost? I bet he doesn’t know because he’s one of the many people who don’t understand electricity and power consumption. The media haven’t helped with this, with all the nonsense about how switching things off at the wall will save us all money. There have been a few articles debunking this but the myth persists.

I’ve been looking at our smart meter. All the usual appliances are not being used but are plugged in. The microwave’s little LED display is on. The printer and PC, TV, are off but plugged in. TV box is on standby. The multi-way strip we use for charging things is plugged in and the little LED is on. I have one small appliance on charge. Another one runs 24/7 and has a LED display. The broadband router is on. The fridge is of course running. Lights are on in two rooms.

This is all using a total of 79 watts at the moment and is costing us TWO PENCE PER HOUR. For the whole house. With almost everything plugged in and the switches down. Would your H think that was too much?

Your H sounds more unpleasant with every post. He must be earning much, much more than my and DH’s combined income from what you’ve said, yet he’s not only stingy but doing silly things that inconvenience you and don’t even save money. I bet he knows this isn’t normal. I bet he wouldn’t tell his friends and colleagues that he got up at 3AM to switch off his wife’s car charger that was already off.

Growing up with not much is no excuse. My parents struggled badly financially and we went without a lot of things. I earn a decent salary now, live modestly and save, but there’s no way I’d want my kids to experience stinginess by their parents for no reason. What on earth is your H doing with all his earnings while you’re living like someone who is barely surviving financially?

Suggest he takes hourly meter readings to get actual real world data on how much electricity the car uses if it is plugged in and not charging (has reached its 80% and stopped).

He's not going to change, 20 years in, so fight him with his own obsession with facts and logic, tell him to get the meter readings every hour and reality will soon show that he's being a fucking donkey

@LittleGreenDragons , eek it is a 2014. It still has a lot of bars (only top 2 are gone) and it's 100% charged range is 82 miles but in winter using windscreen heat etc. it runs down very quickly.

Thanks all. He has agreed not to switch the inside off if I switch the outside off.

He has agreed not to switch the inside off if I switch the outside off.

RESULT!!!! Let's hope he remembers not to do it 😬

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