I have ADHD and children with both that and ASD, before somebody comes along and calls me ablist.
Our relationship is completely shit.
The rigidity, unwillingness / inability to consider change in any capacity, the black and white thinking without nuance, the lack of open and productive communication. He won't communicate about anything, ever, so by the time something is raised it ends up being a terrible row and the atmosphere indoors is palpable for the next week. If I raise anything he becomes defensive and thinks I'm attacking him.
We have alot of stress in our lives at the moment and a good portion of that could be fixed with a few simple changes that are down to him to make. He is absolutely, unwaveringly against any sort of change at all. It doesn't matter that the current set up works for nobody least of all him, it's what he knows and that's that. Bollocks to the rest of us.
That's before I get into the less serious stuff. No spontaneous trips anywhere, family outings are a chore to him and he wants weeks of notice if I want to do anything together. He doesn't want to go on (nor does he enjoy) holidays as a family. He huffs and puffs if I suggest doing anything and claims it's a "ball ache"
He'd rather just sit indoors watching the TV or playing on games.
All family admin falls to me. That is one thing I will say isn't attributed to his autism, its purely because if I didn't do it then none of it would get done. Period.
Yes, I know, plenty of people with autism have successful relationships bla bla bla. But we don't, and it's mainly down to the things that make up ASD.
I'm far from perfect but I own my shit. My inattentive ADHD means I can be impulsive so I've had to massively work on that. I arrange my life through Google calander now and have worked hard to build a system that works for me and doesn't impact anybody else. I've had therapy too and take medication.
He doesn't do sod all to address the difficulties in our relationship from his side. Nothing whatsoever. I'm miserable and I think I want out.
Please don't report my thread as being ablist. I'm the furthest thing from that. I'm so beaten down and exhausted.