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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused and Hury

5 replies

LucyB23 · 12/11/2023 11:16

DH and I have been married ten years - two DC - both under five. We’re both quite independent people with hobbies and professional careers - travelled the world before children etc. All sounds great on the face of it but underneath I feel like I’m drowning and don’t know myself at all anymore so much so that I lost a good friend of mine in my late teens as she didn’t like my now husband and I sided with him, I want to email her and ask what was I like when I knew you because at the minute I am so so lost.
My DH looks like the model family man but he will often say things like;
God help anyone who has to work with you - in a professional sense. Yet previously when he has worked in a previous environment that I did - he lamented how his colleagues always talked about me doing such a great job.
He says things like my family don’t even like me.
Comments on how I don’t have any hobbies anymore which is difficult as his hobby takes up the majority of the weekend and we both work full time.
Northing I do with the children is good enough and he will compare me to other women in his work and say they cringed when he said he had to *insert any task to help me out. Yet in the next breath he will say I’m the best mummy but this is usually in front of others.
At occasions, he will frequently look really cross for no apparent reason and will then whisper to me something worrying like our toddler son looks so unhappy, which isn’t true but I will of course worry if he is unhappy.
Thank you if you’ve reached the end. I think I really need to find myself again but no idea how to even begin.
My actual voice has even diminished in tone…

OP posts:
Mabelface · 12/11/2023 11:18

By getting rid of the noise that cancels you out, as in the husband.

Dacadactyl · 12/11/2023 11:18

Well hes knocked your confidence for sure.

What do your family and friends think of him? Do they know he does this?

LucyB23 · 12/11/2023 11:20

My close friends only really know him through me and I’ve put a positive spin on everything.
My younger friends didn’t like him but I’m not in touch with them now.
My family only see the charm and when he’s angry, they look the other way but I think that’s a cultural thing.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 12/11/2023 11:51

I think you need to speak to your siblings or parents about it tbh. Is that an option?

If not, confide in a friend about how you're really feeling.

Have you also spoken to him directly and said that you feel as though he's always putting you down?

LucyB23 · 12/11/2023 11:56

Yes - it is always an issue with me. I think it might just be a hangover from
children , busy lives etc

OP posts:
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