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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I stop feeling I am to blame for his infidelity?

27 replies

Doesitgeteasierthanthis · 11/11/2023 21:19

I’m stuck in an awful cycle of beating myself up the thoughts are so intrusive every day. It’s almost been a year since I found out ex partner was having an affair. We have two children 7 and 3. He literally skipped off to work and off to his new women and had barely been back in the uk since.

Since finding out about the affair he also admitted to multiple other encounters with sleeping with women since the children were born including before and whilst I was pregnant with our second daughter.

I feel like all of my self worth has been completely destroyed. I go around and around in my head trying to make sense of how a person can act so cruel? What I did wrong? Why I was not enough?

I feel like I am barely getting by and feel on the verge of completely overwhelmed every single day. Meanwhile he is taking holidays and swanning around the world with his new women. It feels like torture.

i know I need therapy and a lot of it: but I feel paralysed to do anything.

what do I do? Where do I go from here? How can I reframe my thinking?

I am genuinely so sad and heartbroken.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 13/11/2023 20:05

Do you feel crazy in any other aspect of your life, or with anybody except these 2?

Do you actually, genuinely think that you might be crazy?

Doesitgeteasierthanthis · 14/11/2023 10:59

No I don’t I feel highly independent and capable in every other aspect regarding day to day life and childcare, but for some reason this man particularly makes me feel like I am less than he is. Years of telling my family are not good enough, the labelling of my faults and telling me the anxiety I have suffered during periods means I am a broken person.

like has been stated if I had better self esteem I would have left years ago. I feel like you have given me so much clarity.

OP posts:
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