Why do I feel alone?

[chocolatekeyboard]

My partner and I both work full time. I do a normal 9-5 office job whereas he works 10-11 hours a day. It leaves me looking after our DS alone in the morning and evening quite a bit. That's fine in terms of time spent with my DS but it often feels that my partner and I don't have any time together.

I'm exhausted through the week and go up to bed at 9ish, partner doesn't come in until past 10. On a Friday night when I'm ready to unwind, we switch and partner goes up to bed at 9. It's frustrating, as if he doesn't want to spend time with me when I'm up for staying up.

We have weekends which I think we are very fortunate to have though these often get taken up by chores, errands and other friends.

Now I've written it all down, I'm not really sure what I'm asking. I feel kind of rejected, lonely and unsure how to carve out this quality time.

I’m exactly the same. I have 3 young children that I home schooled and a toddler literally 24 hrs a day. Toddler is a bad sleeper so I end up sleeping on sofa with him. I get to sit with husband if I’m lucky at about 10ish but then get interrupted if toddler wakes up or I have to go pick step children up. I feel totally alone, isolated with no one to talk to, no family or friends to help. Trouble is my husband is getting used to sitting alone and says he prefers it and isn’t bothered if I’m there or not. He laughs and jokes with his children but I come into the room and his face drops, he’s even started talking about me behind my back when youngest are there ☹️ I hope you and your husband can sort things out and spend some quality time together x

Sounds like you are bored and need to add a little excitement into your weekends and I know it might not be for everyone but sometimes I just offer my boyfriends a bit if a shoulder and neck massage whilst watching tele or whatever if feeling abit distant from one another. Usually helps us bond and he offers one back or it can lead to other thing.

Its hard with children and work etc. It can easily feel like a long old slog. But the little things just need re adding. Don't wait for him to make the first move as you'll start getting irritated. He can't read your mind either so he may also be feeling the same.

The question ti ask your DP is

What is it you want from this relationship?

This may well stump him for a bit - but ultimately it’s asking DP to focus on what they want and then you can discuss how you as a couple achieve it

Any reason you both need to work so much?

I mean, it sounds like you both live to work rather than working to live.

I'd be buggered if I was working full time and taking care of a kid.

I'd be looking for a 20-30 hour per week job. And encourage my partner to do the same. 60 hours worth of income is plenty for a small family. And gives you both time to actually enjoy being a family.

Whats the point in working every hour of the day for extra money when what you really need is extra time and freedom?