To give up men

[JennyJill]

I am a woman, 43yoa. Recently finished a 4 year relationship with a man of similar age. It was fun and we had plans but he gradually cooled on the plans. His career path slowed and so did he. He did not pick up after Lockdown.
My career has gone fairly well, we have a nice flat plans to move to a house. Finance is OK.
I have met a woman who seems to be interested in me. We go out for meals and drinks and I think she wants more.
I knew lesbian women at uni I assumed they had always been gay. But do women change from an active heterosexual relationship to a same sex one? I don't mean out of curiosity or at a drunken party but can an adult change that much. ( I have seen the Bi curious threads and posts from earlier). I am still confused.
So can I succeed or will I be likely to fail at this kind of relationship?

Give it a go, why not, if you fancy her.

Simple answer : yes, people can become increasingly bi as they age, sexuality is fluid.

Are you actually attracted to this woman?

If so then go for it. I'm jealous. I'd love to be in your position.

I know a lot of women who have "turned" in later life. My pet theory is that they've always been interested in women, but their desire to have children led them to suppress those feelings and procreate with a man.

Once the children are older and the relationship with the man has run its course, those long-suppressed attractions are free to surface and be expressed - especially in this day and age when there are far fewer penalties for coming out than at any other time in history.

(That's just my pet theory and is not scientifically based!)

If you find this woman attractive and could imagine yourself enjoying a relationship with her, then why not give it a try? Going on a couple of dates doesn't commit you to anything further.

What a coincidence. I was looking through those old Threads because I am thinking more of women and going off men.
Since I was about 14 I have had boy friends. Fun, kissing, hugs and friendship, it was all fun.
As I got older the more serious the relationships but no real commitment on either side. Over the Lockdown I retreated and realised I did miss the fun the outings but I not miss the relationships with men.
The explanation that @EvenMoreFuriousVexation gives is a practical way of looking at how we might think of our behaviour and intentions.

It really just comes down to if you fancy her or women in general or not.

I mean tbh it sounds like you might just be swept up in the euphoria of having a good female friend. And of being wanted and fancied too. A "girl crush" we used to call it.

I've had women in my life that have meant more to me than any man. A true and deep affection.

I've also had chemistry with gay women. In the same way that I've had chemistry with narcissistic love bombers. Because there's something really heady and addicting about being in the presence of someone who is really into you.

But ultimately, I do not fancy women.
Occasionally a woman might look like a guy and I'll think 'ooh, you're cute' but then I realise they are a woman...and I've lost interest lol.

I think if you've just come out of something that had maybe been rather flat for a while...you may just be getting a boost from this. But I wouldn't encourage it's pursuit personally (At least, certainly not without transparency with her on things. And that it may not go anywhere).

I've definitely had a crush on a woman but am sexually straight (well...not much interested in sex nowadays!).

I did tell her and luckily we're still friends all these years later. 24 years now.

Yes sexuality can be fluid, talk to her.

Read somewhere lesbian marriages have an even higher rate of divorce that heterosexual marriages

@RocketIceLollie I am sure I read that too, from other boards I think same sex relationships are shorter.
OP needs to get used to the idea of going out with a woman first.
I am younger and have not been in as deep a relationship as OP. But I intend to try.

Anyone here on their first relationship with a woman? Did reality match up with your hopes?