Boyfriend been searching local escorts

[Jazmine890]

Hi,

I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years has been searching for local escorts and erotic massages in our area. He's also visited adultwork. I found out 2 years ago that he went on adultwork and said he only went on there to look at the pictures which I found very hard to believe when u can get free porn!! He said he wouldnt go on it again. I asked for all of bank statements for the whole year to check and he gave me them and I went through every single one but didn't find anything. But u can pay another way I believe?

I'm just so confused because apart from that everything is fine, he rings me everyday and is always affectionate. Does everything for me. Drives half hour to see me all the time as I don't drive. He keeps talking about me moving in with him and he wants us to try for a baby. I've had the coil removed and he said maybe you'll feel more sexy towards me now.

I know I have never initiated sex the whole 4 years we've been together and he says I don't give him cuddles or affection. I'm self conscious about my body and like to leave my top on during sex but I'm heart broken!! He asks me to have a shower with him but I say no. Should I forgive him cuz I don't initiate sex or ?

I haven't confronted him yet I saw it on his phone

Confused as to what to do

No confusion here. LTB

You deserve so much better than some pig chasing escorts and lying through his teeth

Seriously? Because you don't initiate sex that means it's ok for him to pay other women for sex?

I really hope you walk away from him and do some work on your self esteem.

I'm sorry you're being treated like this and are confused as to what to do.

I guess the answer lies with desparation. How desparate are you to keep him? Are you so desparate to keep him that you will allow him to have sex with other women, or are you not that desparate for a man and therefore happy to break up with him?

Ask yourself that question and you'll find the solution yourself.

Good luck x

Don't get pregnant with this man!

Regardless of what you decide to do about your boyfriend, I'm actually very concerned about the things you've said about your sense of self worth and your body image. If what you say is true and you have this much trouble with intimacy, then that's an even bigger problem than the boyfriend situation. Because you can dump a boyfriend, but you're stuck with your body and your self esteem issues for the rest of your life.
Have you considered getting professional help, a counselor maybe, to deal with your self esteem?

As for your boyfriend: Yes he's an ass for cheating on you and you'd be very right to dump him. He broke your trust with his infidelity and you'll probably never get that back. Please don't move in with him or let him get you pregnant!
He may be a decent boyfriend in other aspects, but this is a bridge you just can't cross. The fact that he doesn't realise that you actually have huge self esteem problems and goes over them so casually by saying 'just get your coil removed and then we'll have more sex', makes him an insensitive douchebag.

Having said that, intimacy is important in every relationship. Obviously people who are together for a long time are going to have ups and downs in that area. But if you're dealing with something that has this much of an impact on your sex life - and thus your partners sex life - you need to take ownership of that and at least try to fix things, even just for your own sake. You really can't expect any partner, male or female, to be okay with a complete lack of intimacy, lots of rejection etc. It doesn't excuse cheating, but it's not fair on him either.

He cheats on you but for some reason it’s your fault?

I don't expect a lot of encouragement from MumsNet, but bearing in mind the comments in this thread, I'm interested in your responses. I'm in my late 60s, wife significantly older and we haven't had marital relations for 10 years for perfectly understandable physical reasons on her side. I'm incredibly careful to keep this from her (more deceit here) and I see the occasional escort. I only see English girls, usually well educated (often privately/university educated) and certainly making their own decisions about their chosen profession. Who's being harmed here?